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Monthly Archives: February 2020

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/3

2022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Relationships are the vehicle that best allows us to work out our issues. Our pains and fears. Our neediness. Our aggression. Our protective devices. It is where we most play out our reactionary or passive styles. This is especially true in our familial and couple relationships This article is based on ch. 5 "Relationships" in Your Journey to Peace ... Our Couple Relationships What most of us look for in our intimate relationships is companionship, and for the other to love, help, and support us in life.  In our younger days, we may look for the right person to build a family with.  We may also look for a partner to offer us security. And from a human perspective, this is all fine. However, from a higher, spiritual perspective, the purpose of all our relationships is for soul growth: to connect more fully to our True Self - so that we can live life coming from a place of LOVE. In fact, all our interactions with others offer us opportunities to come from that place of love: to offer the qualities of love to others.  (See my post The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear. The link is also at the end. Because of the intimacy required, our relationships are the best vehicle to work through our unprocessed hurts and pains from our past. In our day-to-day life, any  Unconscious Influences we may hold, like neediness, defensiveness, or aggressive, controlling, or passive tendencies. naturally arise. It is unprocessed hurts and pains from our past that caused us to create these Unconscious Influences to protect our hearts and psyches. These, along with our individual personalities, differing ways of approaching life, and the various defensive and protective mechanisms we created to protect our hearts and psyches are what creates hurt feelings in us and conflicts with others. Our couple relationships also often hold expectations that cannot be met. And our communication skills are often weak. With presumed, unvoiced, or misunderstood expectations and poor communication we may get hurt feelings or react badly in frustration, and our unconscious, habitual responses rear their ugly head, and instead of coming from a place of love and understanding, we unknowingly invite conflict into our relationships. Our relationships are actually set up to trigger our Unconscious Influences - by others pushing our buttons. This is why our relationships are often so difficult! Unconscious Influence create havoc in our relationships. They cause us to navigate life from a place of fear, protectionism, defensiveness, and suspiciousness. We are overly sensitive and prone to blame to other for how we feel and for not understanding us. The emotional instability and feelings of disempowerment created from past unhealed wounds or conflicting messages we received about love, create ineffective, habitual patterns of negative reactions and behaviors that cause hurt feelings for us and conflicts with others. Our unaddressed wounds get triggered in our communications with others as we erroneously bring echoes of past hurts or fears into present issues or situations with others. However, our sensitivities are [...]

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/32022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Relationships: Partnering Up Consciously – Separating Consciously 2/3

2020-12-03T19:28:35+00:00

The more consciousness we bring to our dating, the better they turn out for us.  The more consciousness we bring to our current relationships, the more easily they flourish. And the more evolved and conscious we become - aware of our wants, needs, and expectations - as well as any ways of being that may be detracting us from getting what we want from our dating or relationships, the more confident and empowered we become. Being more conscious allows us to more easily trust our hearts - that they are showing us a true picture when choosing a spouse or life-partner (or even friends or a business partner) - instead of one created from denial or neediness. Consciousness brings maturity to dating, and to relationships.  For Part 1 see  HERE For Part 3 see Here  The more evolved and conscious we become, the less we will have to be wary of our unconscious influences (hurt feelings, neediness, aggressive or overly-passive reactions, etc.) luring us into hurtful or chaotic situations. Nor will we have to be so vigilant at continuously examining our emotions, desires, or motives. Neither will we have to be so cautious of others’ motives. When we bring consciousness and the maturity it holds to our dating and relationships, we are be working at higher vibration capacities. Our radars become better attuned to the vibrations of others, and if something is off we will cue into it more easily. This article is based on  Ch 5, “Relationships” in my book, Your Journey to Peace …   About Book here This will be expanded upon in Relationships in an Evolving World, due out early Spring 2021. About Book  here To stay updated, sign-up for my free monthly Newsletter  here  The more conscious we become, the greater our connection to our True Self, and the more we feel guided towards partners based on true soul parings where both can thrive. Where there is equality, acceptance, and forgiveness - instead confusion, hot then cold attitudes, jealousy, possessiveness, or flip flopping about where the dating or relationship will go. In conscious relationships, we encourage each other to be the best we can be. And because our strength and self-confidence comes from within, we are not invested in changing our partner or making them acquiesce to our desires. We also understand that our partner gets his or her strength and guidance from their True Self, and if that guidance is calling them to move on from the relationship we will not be so inclined towards drama, anger, revenge, or the plethora of negative responses breaking up has caused in the past. As we uncover and work through unconscious influences that affect how we think, react, and act, we will choose our partners, spouses, and life-partners more consciously. We will become stronger in ourselves, and have more clarity. We will no longer be inclined to choose partners from a place of confusion, neediness, or to fill a void. This will soon become the norm. Separating Consciously Will Also Start to [...]

Relationships: Partnering Up Consciously – Separating Consciously 2/32020-12-03T19:28:35+00:00

Relationships: Expectations and Conditional Love 3/3

2021-10-09T02:06:24+00:00

Deep within us, we hold a distant memory of the unconditional love we once held—a memory from our beginnings, which we all still long for. Most of Humanity's history has been based on conditional love. And because of the limitations conditional love put on our hearts and psyches, conditional love became the norm - to such an extent that we have very little recollection of unconditional love. Read Part 1    Part 2  As conditional love perpetrated throughout the ages and generations, it has manifested within our families, community support systems, and even in our religions. Conditional love has created conflicting messages within us! While we often extol the virtues of love, we cannot always uphold them. Leftover attitudes from Humanity's past have left an indelible mark in our cellular memories, causing us to be unable to match our intentions with our attitudes and behaviors. We may tell our children we love them or want what is best for them; however, this is often influenced by our limited perspectives based on our narrow perceptions, or we unconsciously inflict our neediness or Perceived Needs onto them. This article/blog post is based on my book, Why We Are the Way We Are  (the 1st in my new 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series)  - and will be expanded upon in Book 3, Relationship Intelligence - due out early 2022.  About My Books  And we have been told that God loves us but also that he is vengeful. So, our psyches have thereby become riddled with conflicts about love. And conflicting messages about love keep us confused about love. Confusion about love—what unconditional love is; How to give it—How to receive it, is why our relationships are so difficult. When we are being negative in any way or closed off; when we are angry, judgmental, despondent, pessimistic, etc.; or when we are needy, we are distanced from universal flow, and by default, we are stuck within the restrictions of our human limitations. Our power base is weak and feelings of unconditional love are almost inaccessible. Unvoiced or Misunderstood Expectation Create many of Our Conflicts with Others Neediness is one of the main sources of relationship issues. Neediness creates expectations. When someone does not provide what we expect or something we had hoped for does not happen, we are disappointed, hurt, depressed, or angry, and we react involuntarily. We often give with expectations of reciprocity and appreciation. Sometimes this is conscious and we expect tit-for-tat, but often we unconsciously expect certain outcomes, but in either case, we are hurt when they are not met. We are not coming from a place of unconditional love. When our expectations are not met, we may feel that we are being taken advantage of, or, we come to believe that life is not fair. (As well as my personal development, self-help, and spiritual writing, I am also a copywriter and offer various writing services. See:    My Writing Services Page) We might blame the other person for our frustrations causing conflict in [...]

Relationships: Expectations and Conditional Love 3/32021-10-09T02:06:24+00:00

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