Deep within us, we hold a distant memory of the unconditional love we once held—a memory from our beginnings, which we all still long for.
Most of Humanity’s history has been based on conditional love. And because of the limitations conditional love put on our hearts and psyches, conditional love became the norm – to such an extent that we have very little recollection of unconditional love.
As conditional love perpetrated throughout the ages and generations, it has manifested within our families, community support systems, and even in our religions.
Conditional love has created conflicting messages within us!
While we often extol the virtues of love, we cannot always uphold them. Leftover attitudes from Humanity’s past have left an indelible mark in our cellular memories, causing us to be unable to match our intentions with our attitudes and behaviors.
We may tell our children we love them or want what is best for them; however, this is often influenced by our limited perspectives based on our narrow perceptions, or we unconsciously inflict our neediness or Perceived Needs onto them.
This article/blog post is based on my book, Why We Are the Way We Are
(the 1st in my new ‘Our Journeys to Peace’ Series)
– and will be expanded upon in Book 3, Relationship Intelligence – due out early 2022.
And we have been told that God loves us but also that he is vengeful. So, our psyches have thereby become riddled with conflicts about love. And conflicting messages about love keep us confused about love.
Confusion about love—what unconditional love is;
How to give it—How to receive it, is why our relationships are so difficult.
When we are being negative in any way or closed off; when we are angry, judgmental, despondent, pessimistic, etc.; or when we are needy, we are distanced from universal flow, and by default, we are stuck within the restrictions of our human limitations. Our power base is weak and feelings of unconditional love are almost inaccessible.
Unvoiced or Misunderstood Expectation Create many of Our Conflicts with Others
Neediness is one of the main sources of relationship issues. Neediness creates expectations. When someone does not provide what we expect or something we had hoped for does not happen, we are disappointed, hurt, depressed, or angry, and we react involuntarily.
We often give with expectations of reciprocity and appreciation. Sometimes this is conscious and we expect tit-for-tat, but often we unconsciously expect certain outcomes, but in either case, we are hurt when they are not met. We are not coming from a place of unconditional love.
When our expectations are not met, we may feel that we are being taken advantage of, or, we come to believe that life is not fair.
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We might blame the other person for our frustrations causing conflict in the relationship as most often we have not even voiced our expectations, so our hurt feelings seem to come out of the blue with the other the receiver of an unexpected onslaught of emotions.
We will still feel justified by our reactions—purely because we feel bad, however, we gave with presumptions—presumptions that the other person had no idea about. We live so much in our inner world that it seems alive—obvious. But it is not.
Others do not know what is going on in our minds, what our emotional world holds, and what presumptions and expectations we have, unless we voice them.
And often we do not voice them—simply because they are not even obvious to us. They are just below the surface of our conscious mind whirling around in our Emotional Body looking to be satisfied.
~ Rosemary McCarthy©, February 24, 2020, updated October 7th, 2021.
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Copyright © February 24, 2020, by Rosemary McCarthy, updated October 7th, 2021. All rights Reserved. To copy, share, or distribute this article simply ensure the content is copied in its entirety, is unaltered, and is distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the article and the website www.spiritedfawnpublications.com are included. You can contact me at: rosemary@yourjourneytopeace.com. Blessings, and thank you kindly, Rosemary