All thoughts, attitudes, and actions stem from either love or from fear. What we are feeling and how we are being has its basis either in love, or in fear. All unease and negative outward expressions are based on some sort of fear.
From the highest perspective – and in reality – there is only love!
Everything else stems from fear. The underlying fears within us surface – one way or another –
in the many negative or unproductive ways, we deal with life.
This concept is so hard to hear and even harder to believe. Our mind just cannot wrap itself around the idea that “I am angry because of a fear.” Of course, we think NO WAY! I am angry because he/she said/did this to me.
However, if we peel back the layers of why we are angry, it boils down to some type of fear. (My Worksheet: Connecting the Dots can help us link what we are feeling or what is causing unwanted reactions – to a fear we may not be aware of. A printout copy is available from my book).
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Why We Are the Way We Are
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Our positive feelings and attitudes come from the love we feel within ourselves and from our being connected to our True Self and aligned with the love it embodies.
Our negative thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and actions are based on fears amassed from the impressions and interpretations we have gathered from our life experiences now buried in our Emotional Bodies and played out through our Unconscious Influences.
These fears need a voice and are usually released in dysfunctional ways as we project them out into the world.
Below, Illustration 3 shows some of the aspects of love, and illustration 4 shows some aspects of fear.
All the joy and passion that we feel and the harmony that manifests in our lives, and all the other positive attitudes (many shown in illustration 3) stem from love. We are able to bring these about because we are connected to the spark that we emanated from. There is a memory of that spark within all of us, and it is easily accessible – as long as we have not erected roadblocks to squelch the connection.
In positive, loving people, that connection can show up in either overt or covert ways, depending on their personalities. Even when the connection is stifled, as was in my case, it can still be accessed with external reminders.
A baby’s smile, a spectacular sunset, the abandonment that arises in us from the exhilaration of an extreme sport, or the passion that is reawakened within us from music, dance, art, or anything else that moves us can rekindle the spark of love, joy, and fearlessness we originally held.
And Spirit is strong within us! Although I was never encouraged to do activities when growing up, as I got older, I was able to fully embrace many passions that brought me joy and a sense of lightness.
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Fear is at the heart of all of our issues. We do not recognize it as such, as it masks itself in many different manifestations that aim to protect us.
These unconscious ways of being – that act upon us without our conscious consent, ultimately keep us from being able to access joy, find peace, happiness, and a sense of empowerment, and become our Best Self.
However our fears manifest themselves, they create conflict in our life, thereby distancing us from others, and affecting our relationships.
A fear-based way of approaching others and life means we are coming from a place of disempowerment, and we are looking to feel loved and appreciated from outside of ourselves. Here are a few examples of how fear can masquerade itself.
? Fearing we are not loved, appreciated, or good enough, our feelings get hurt because our expectations were not met, or someone ignored us, withheld a compliment, or didn’t include us. We either lash out or become passive. Both of these ways of responding to hurt feelings weaken our relationships, as we are not dealing with our issues within ourselves, and are thereby unable to express ourselves appropriately to the other.
? As we are ineffective in our responses to others and at expressing our feelings, wants, and desires we are often frustrated. Frustration often causes us to make bad choices – hoping to get the results we want. When we do not, we become further frustrated and are caught up in a negative cycle,
? In attempts to appease our sense of disempowerment, we try to control others and outcomes. This causes stress in our lives as we try to micro-manage everything and everyone – and also causes rifts in our relationships.
? Feeling disempowered, we may fear pursuing what we want in life because we are timid and not in touch with our True Self – our power-base. To alleviate our disappointment we may then become jealous or judgmental of the successes of others.
? Not feeling good enough or fearing failure because of a lack of self-confidence, and we get defensive at an innocent comment about where we are in life. And being defensive is one of the main causes of relationship upsets.
? Fearing poverty because of long-held perceptions of the poor, we may strive tirelessly to ignore the urgings of our soul and what will ultimately make us happy.
? Fearful of being alone, and/or a lack of love or connection in our life can cause us to fall into relationships or group settings that are unfulfilling or abusive in some way.
Our internal stresses from being disempowered, the conflicts that ensue from our reactions and behaviors, and all other manifestations of our underlying fears create further misalignments with our True Self.
This distancing creates to feel more disempowered, causing more hurt feelings, frustrations, and a sense of neediness that aches to be satisfied. A vicious cycle will ensue – until we get to the root cause of our disempowered ways of dealing with upsets, disappointments, others, and life.
We do not recognize these manifestations as fear, because we are just reacting to the dictates of our Emotional Body in attempting to protect ourselves from further onslaughts against our fragile psyches.
However, when we honestly look at the issues in our lives and attempt to connect the dots between these outer (or inner, in the case of being overly passive) demonstrations and the associated root feelings and inner-fears they were derived from that manifested in unhelpful, inappropriate, or harmful ways, we are primed to overcome them.
Even though this may seem a scary endeavor, there is a net that will catch us and guide us throughout the process: our connection to Spirit – to Universal flow.
Worksheet: Connecting the Dots
Copyright © Rosemary McCarthy, July 24, 2020, updated September 23, 2021.
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