It is our unconscious influences that affect our connection to our True Self. They created our attitudes and behaviors, which developed in response to how we experienced or perceived life from within our familial and cultural backgrounds – with our internalizing of these experiences highly influenced by our innate personalities.

See Here for Part 1 

This is why people brought up in the same household can be so different in their outlook and approach to life. If the influences we internalized instilled confidence, hope, positivity, autonomy, and lightness into our being, our connection to our True Self would remain strong.

However, if we unknowingly allowed these influences to cause us to become negative, pessimistic, or needy, to have low-self esteem or feel that life is heavy and a struggle, our connection to our True Self becomes weakened.

When we internalized our past influences as generally positive, we are able to navigate life without much difficulty or conflict. We can attain what we want in life because we feel empowered, as the connection to our power-base has remained strong.

When our past influences cause us to view and respond to life negatively, we may act in counterproductive ways that undermine our efforts and that create conflict with others.

This article is based on my books,

“Your Journey to Peace … ” and “Why We Are the Way We Are”

both available in print and e-book from Amazon.

Cover Images and Links to About Below.

This makes our life seem difficult and what we want in life hard to achieve because we feel disempowered: our connection is weak.

This disconnect creates a cavern between “us and us” as our power-base lies in our connection to our True Self.  It is where we find the strength and integrity to become our Best Self, and the fortitude to keep it.

Below are some of the developed attitudes and behaviors that keep us disconnected from our power-base and True Self making life seem difficult and keeping us in conflict with others.


We often bring our emotional neediness into our relationships, but are unaware that we are expecting our partner, child, parent, or friend to answer those needs. When they do not, we are hurt, become upset, and conflict often ensues.

Our need may be personal: to feel loved, appreciated, validated, or served hand and foot. They may be more general: to become wealthy, powerful, famous, achieve a great success, or have a big happy family.

It is not that these desires always bring negative results to our life or relationships, as having goals and desires can be a good thing, but when they come from an unconscious need to fill a void or fulfill and unmet past need, they hold an insatiable element.

The Cavern Between You and Others: Direct Relationship Between You and You - 2/3

We become self-centered as this need is most often at the forefront of our thoughts and actions and it takes precedence over any consideration for the desires or needs of those around us.

We also become defensive of our efforts to fulfill our perceived need, and blind to another’s attempts to compromise or work with us toward a favorable outcome for both. We are difficult to deal with and conflict in the relationship is inevitable.


We all have a Default Position: it can be Neutral, Reactionary, or Passive. (Definition of Default Position below)

Neutral Responses:

Neutral responses come from feeling empowered. When we respond to others or situations neutrally, we respond to the matter at hand, do so calmly, and without a need to defend our positions.

We do not react emotionally because we do not bring in issues from the past, nor thoughts or fears of the future – which all hold an emotional component.

We can still disagree and say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done, but we do so respectfully, and with honesty and integrity. We come from a place of confidence and empowerment – of gentle strength, not weakness and aggressiveness.

Our connection to our power-base and True Self is strong so we are emotionally balanced, therefore we don’t feel the need to address how others act, or respond to what they say or do aggressively, because we don’t take things personally. And we are strong in our own convictions, so we don’t have the need to defend our positions.

The Cavern Between You and Others: Direct Relationship Between You and You - 2/3

Passive Responses:

Passive responses come from feeling disempowered. Although passive responses may appear to be neutral, as there are no blatant outward signs, they are very different because passive responses hold an emotional component – just like aggressive ones.


To ensure you receive all my blog articles as posted subscribe to my Free Monthly Publication here  OR, follow my FB page here

– © Rosemary McCarthy, updated October 12, 2020

See here for About Book 1 of my new series, “Why We Are the Way We Are” – and my website. Cover Image below

here for About my 1st book,  “Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science.” Cover Image below

here  for About Book 2, Overcoming Our Unconscious Influences like Anger, Hurt Feelings, Blame, etc.– due out December 2020.

here  for About Book 3,  Relationships in an Evolving World – due out winter 2020/21.

here for my blog page (with articles on various subjects related to our personal, collective, and cosmic journeys to peace.

You can share this article as long as you include the full copyright message below. If you share through Facebook (link is also below), the message automatically copies.

Copyright © 2017, updated October 12, 2020 by Rosemary McCarthy. All rights Reserved. To copy, share, or distribute this article simply ensure the content is copied in its entirety, is unaltered, and is distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the article and the website are included. You can contact me Blessings, and thank you kindly. Rosemary