There is an invisible link between everyone we have an emotional connection with.
This is such a wonderful thing – especially these days, as more than ever we are drawing on established links with our friends and loved ones so that we can stay connected in this time of forced alienation.
Our emotions have a drawing power.
Our thoughts have a drawing power.
They both draw others to us emotionally.
The closer we are to another emotionally, the stronger the link. The more we engage emotionally with someone, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and the ins and outs of our life, the more we anchor in that emotional connection. And as we continue to share with one another in the upcoming months, we will further strengthen our emotional links.
We don’t necessarily have to engage with another to strengthen our connection to them. Going over past events or emotional experiences with them in our mind – be they good or bad, strengthens our emotional link to the other. So does simply thinking about them.
Depending on what we are thinking about and the health of the relationship, this may be good for us, or emotionally bad for us. They may feel it, or they may not.
Below is a little practice “Cutting an Emotional Link with Another” to use if we are having trouble doing so on our own.
This blog article is based on my books – published and upc0ming
Your Journey to Peace … (2016)
Why We Are the Way We Are (2018)
Overcoming: Anger, Frustrations, Hurt Feelings,
,Neediness, Blaming Others for Our Unhappiness (Dec 2020)
Relationships in an Evolving World (March 2020)
The stronger the emotional link is between two people the more easily we can draw the other in and affect them emotionally. How this all plays out depends on our innate natures, our attitudes, and how we view and navigate life.
- Some people are emotional by nature: they live through their feelings, and easily express them. They can sometimes pick up on others feelings and emotions.
- Others are less emotional: they may feel, but do not express their emotions easily or regularly. They are less likely to pick up on others feelings or emotions.
- Some of us thrive on closeness: we need to share our feelings, emotions, and what is happening in our life with those close to us.
- Others of us keep things to our self: we have no need to share our inner world with others, nor do we feel the need to tell others what is going on in our life.
- Many people are positive and light-hearted: they feel positive, their outlook on life is light and positive, they aim to feel good – and they make those around them feel good.
- Others are stuck in negativity they are heavy-hearted: they have a negative and/or dark outlook on life and issues, may regularly focus on the dramas of life, and making themselves feel good is not what drives them – they bring those around them down.
- Some of us are emotionally strong: we are confident, have healthy boundaries, and know when it is in our best interest to say no and when to disengage with others.
- Others of us are emotionally weak – we are not strong within our self: we may be emotionally needy, needing attention and validation, and often look to others to lean on, solve our problems, or to wallow with.
A strong emotional link is a great thing when both
are healthy emotionally.
It’s a wonderful, life-affirming support.
When two people are in a good, solid relationship where both are emotionally healthy and they have a strong emotional link, this link will have a positive affect in their lives. They will both feel nurtured, emotionally safe, and know they have a safe haven to express themselves.
They can turn to each other whenever they are in need and know they will be listened to – with compassion and without judgment. They can be there for each other because they know they will not be emotionally drained by the other.
How Weakness Affects Our Emotional Connection
If we have a strained relationship with someone and/or he or she is negative or emotionally weak – possibly needy, defensive, or quick to anger, but we also have created a strong emotional link with them because of many deep and emotional sharings, this link can have a negative affect on our life.
When life is easy, all may go well, However, when something happens to upset, stress, or disappoint the other, they may just want to vent, have a wallowing partner, or attempt to lean on us for emotional support and validation – to an unhealthy degree. We will then start to feel emotionally drained and confused about the relationship.
Except for special circumstances and extraordinary times,
like we are in now where there is a heightened need for extra emotional support,
we must at least attempt to solve our own problems.
When we are leaned on to the point of being emotionally drained, we will feel pulled-and-pushed. We will feel the pull of the emotional connection, while at the same time wanting to pull away from the relationship because of the drain it is having on us.
Attempts to emotionally engage another so as to draw him or her into our dark and murky vortex of poor-me, negativity, and/or drama – without attempting to work on our issues our self, are masked requests to fill a void or weakness.
And although they may not be consciously attempting to do this, the receiver feels like energy is being sucked out of them, leaving them drained, confused, and emotionally flat.
The emotionally weak and needy have a tendency to attempt to
draw others into their emotional world – into their sadness, frustrations,
loneliness, anger, fears, etc., or the dramas they are focusing on.
When we have built up a strong emotional connection with someone, it is easy to be drawn in by them. We love them. They are in pain. We can feel their pain. Of course we want to be a shoulder for them to lean on! We want to help.
However, their constant focus on themselves, their problems, negativity, world drama – or however the emotional game plays out, it is not the way for them to overcome their issues or bad attitudes. Nor is drawing us in to play in their murky world where they just seem to want to wallow and focus on the negativity or drama of it all.
They may resort to any of the poor-me games, and even attempt to guilt us when we try to change the subject, lighten the mood, or disengage. Unless the receiver has healthy, strong boundaries, it is very difficult to disengage from the emotional entanglements the other is creating with his or her unfair requests.
Strong boundaries are always important, but especially when we have a strong emotional connection with another. Next week, my post will be “The Importance of Having Strong Boundaries.”
Practice: Cutting an Emotional Link with Another (© Rosemary McCarthy, October 30, 2020
- Sit quietly in a comfortable spot and take a few deep breaths.
- Breath from the bottom of your belly to the top of your head.
- Breath in for 3 seconds, Breathe out for 5 seconds.
- Follow your breath in your mind. You hands can also follow your breath.
- Bring the other person to mind.
- Envision a thick cord between the 2 of you.
- You may start to feel anxious because of emotional impact on you from this person. This will ease. Keep breathing slowly and fully – in and out. In and out.
- Slowly slacken the cord as you continue to slowly breathe in and out, until you start to feel a bit lighter.
- Then CUT THE CORD in your mind, using a scissors or garden sheers.
- Envision the 2 pieces, now unattached and completely separate.
- Sit quietly for another few moments slowly breathing in and out until you feel calm and light.
- Get up and go about your day.
If the person continues to be in your thoughts or he or she continues to attempt to draw you in, do the process again … and again, even on a daily basis if necessary, until you no longer feel that emotional pull.
– © Rosemary McCarthy, October 30, 2020
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