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Monthly Archives: November 2020

Differences in Our Relationships that Create Conflict – Actually Add Value 

2020-12-10T14:38:19+00:00

While most relationships may be based on love and a commitment to experience life together, it is quite natural to experience conflicts. We each hold distinct character traits and come from unique backgrounds and experiences. If we do not respect the differences these engender, or allow space for their expression, conflicts will ensue. Within our familiar and intimate relationships, every-day life offers us many, many opportunities for our differences to clash, and for one or both parties to feel hurt, misunderstood, or be angered by how our differences play out. Differences In Our Relationships that Create Conflict Actually Add Value We are inclined to try to have our partners think, act, and feel the way we do. However, making a partnership work involves accepting our differences and embracing the qualities that each bring to the table. Admittedly, this is easier said than done. Once the honeymoon phase is over and real life sets in, seeing the positive aspects of the other or the relationship often goes by the wayside. As with everything else in life, for our relationships to be harmonious we have to consciously focus on the positive. This is an excerpt from chapter 5 "Relationships" in my book, Your Journey to Peace ... About this - and my upcoming Books here  (Available in Print and E-book from  Amazon, Chapters, and Barnes and Noble. When we focus on the positive in the other, those aspects have a fertile place to grow. During hard times or rough patches, we can draw on each others strength. So, helping the other to grow their innate gifts, benefits us as well. Although throwing in the towel may seem like the best idea when the going gets tough, in fact, it’s only the easy way out. Our differences are meant to help us grow. (See below for information on my next post, where I further explain this). We are often attracted to and marry or choose partners with opposite personalities, but with many qualities we like and appreciate. However, what we like - our differences, is only part of his or her personality make-up. For example, the person who is organized and gets the bills paid on time may annoy us by being more focused on money, organization, or routine than we like. We might be drawn to a person who is more spontaneous and brings excitement to the family, although their inability to keep to schedules annoys us. Either way, bills have to be paid and budgets adhered to or chaos ensues. Spontaneity keeps things alive and fun. Both types of personalities are needed for life to go smoothly with practical issues looked after, while at the same time having fun within the relationship. We can choose to focus on the positive aspects of our partner and praise him or her for the valuable qualities he or she brings to the partnership, or we can berate our spouse for the aspects of his or her personality that annoy us. We can uplift the other. [...]

Differences in Our Relationships that Create Conflict – Actually Add Value 2020-12-10T14:38:19+00:00

The Value of Being Authentic – Part 1/3

2020-12-10T14:36:10+00:00

When we are authentic, we come from an honest place within our self. We are open-hearted, and live and speak from the heart. Living from our heart-space we connect to our True Self―our core Self―our essence, and our authentic Self shines through. When we live, speak from, and are connected to our heart-space we engage our True Self, giving us access to the love, guidance, courage, wisdom, clarity of vision, and power it holds. Having access to all our True Self holds and connected to that honest place within, we feel peaceful, empowered in life, and can easily create―and maintain harmonious relationships. When we come from that honest place within our self, we are connected to the subtler parts of our self.  We know our self. We are in tune with our true feelings. We have clarity about our life. We know where we are in life; and where we want to go in life. Or, if we are shifting and changing and don’t have a clear picture of our future, we are confident it will reveal itself to us―in a timely manner. This blog article is based on my books - published and upc0ming  Your Journey to Peace ... (2016) Why We Are the Way We Are (2018, Book 1 in series) Overcoming: Anger, Frustrations,  Hurt Feelings, ,Neediness, Blaming Others for Our Unhappiness (Dec 2020, Book 2) Relationships in an Evolving World (March 2020, Book 3) About My Books here    To stay Updated, Sign-up for my Newsletter  here Because we are connected to the subtler parts of our self, we can express them to others. Our exchanges with others are honest. We can allow our self to be vulnerable with people. We can honestly and easily express our feelings and concerns―without fear of judgment or criticism. With the confidence and sense of security our connection to our True Self brings us, we do not take things personally. We are only connected to the honest and subtler parts of our self if we have acknowledged―and regularly deal with our innermost thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Denied / Buried Feelings Cause Unconscious Influences to Arise in Us If we cannot, or do not, acknowledge our true feelings and emotions to our self, we bury and deny them. Good feelings do not affect us badly, but hurtful ones do and create emotional wounds below the surface of our awareness that easily get triggered. They are like emotional scars, and we have an unconscious need to protect them. As we protect these old scars, we unknowingly create barriers that block us living from our heart-space, weakening our connection to our True Self. We then live with our feelings and emotions raw and close to the surface, causing us to get triggered by innocent, small inconsequential comments, actions, or non-actions by others that have nothing to do with the original hurt. We are simply overly sensitive and protective of our feelings. Because we take things personally, people always seem to be pushing our buttons or disappointing [...]

The Value of Being Authentic – Part 1/32020-12-10T14:36:10+00:00

For Women: Create Better Dating Scenarios / Happier Relationships, Part 1/3

2020-11-20T23:02:16+00:00

Getting hurt feelings, being frustrated or confused, and becoming angry seem to be part of most of our dating experiences, as well as our short – and long-term relationships. Learning how to effectively deal with these goes a long way to improving our dating experiences and being happier in our relationships. (Although everyone is invited to read this post, I am currently working with women on their dating and relationship issues with men, and this post is aimed at those women. However, if you stumble upon it … welcome?. Much of this is basic, general, good advice for all types of relationships). Whenever we are disappointed, frustrated, or get hurt feelings because of what the other did – or didn’t do, our tendency as women is usually to either bury our feelings and turn them inwards, or, to react outwardly. Although these ways of dealing with hurts, disappointments, frustrations, etc. may feel good and appropriate in the moment, neither of them is effective at ultimately getting us what we want. This is because these types of responses are unnatural. They are simply automatic responses we developed at one time or another to deal with life and/or others to protect our hearts and hide or defend our true feelings. They do not come from a place of empowerment. This blog article is based on my published - and upcoming books  Your Journey to Peace ... (2016) Why We Are the Way We Are (2018) Overcoming: Anger, Neediness, Hurt Feelings, Frustrations, Blaming Others for Our Unhappiness  (Dec 2020) Relationships in an Evolving World (March 2021) About My Books here    To Stay Updated, Sign up for my Newsletter  here Whether we want our man to give us more attention, listen to us better, keep his word, or do more for us – more of what we expect, we must approach him in a way that encourages him to engage with us, listen to us – and hear us – not in a way that repels him, causing him to tune out, get his back up, pull away, get defensive, or even angry. To help in our dating and relationships, as women we must understand both how we deal with hurts, stressors, disappointments, etc. and how men deal with theirs. This empowers us! When stressed, hurt, disappointed, confused, angry etc., women usually turn to their emotions; men tend to withdraw. Understanding our self, and understanding the other in our dating or relationship scenarios is empowering. Being empowered is what ensures we are effective in ensuring that OUR goals in our dating and relationships are met. To Date Effectively:  We Must COME FROM A PLACE of Empowerment To Have/Create/Maintain Harmonious Relationships: We Must FEEL Empowered When we come from a place of empowerment and feel empowered, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE OTHER SAYS OR DOES.  We know what we want/need to be happy and feel loved, and what will make us feel secure in our dating and our relationships. We act accordingly. Some of the ways [...]

For Women: Create Better Dating Scenarios / Happier Relationships, Part 1/32020-11-20T23:02:16+00:00

The Value of Deep Breathing, Newsletter, October 2020.

2021-10-23T03:38:51+00:00

Deep breathing calms us – body, mind, and spirit – in the present moment, and in times of stress. It also creates a connection to that part of our self when calm resides. And each time we breathe deeply, or do a practice that engages our breath, the connection becomes stronger. Together, our breath and our heart-space are the most powerful sparks of the divine within us. Deep breathing, or breathwork as it is often called, has been a part of calming, centering, and spiritual practices for eons. It connects us to our True Self – to our heart-space, which is where we tap into universal flow, and can connect to the love, wisdom, and peaceful feelings found there. --------------------------------- At the end of this message is a small Breathwork Practice. I will be holding a Live Video webinar in a month or so based on my upcoming Book, “Overcoming Our Unconscious Influences, like Anger, Hurt Feelings, Neediness, Control, Blaming Others for Our Unhappiness,” - book 2 of my new series. About my Books HERE. Details on follow in next Newsletter, so stay tuned ?    Sign-up for Newsletter HERE ------------------------------------- In the physical, it is our continued breath and the beating of our heart that keep us alive. But we also have an energetic body – our chi, the Eastern term for our life-force, and deep breathing positively affects our life-force. Together, our breath and our heart-space are the most powerful sparks of the divine within us. It is the quality of our focus/use/connection to our breath and the strength of our connection to our heart space that dictate how calm we are, how peaceful we feel, and how much joy we can tap into. These is turn affect our attitudes, decisions, behaviors, how we view and navigate life, which all affect how our life plays out. Stress Drains Our Life-Force In this time of change, uncertainty, and restrictions, most of us have been experiencing extra stress – at least from time to time. And since it is likely we will be facing this for the next little while, it is vital that we deal effectively with our stress. We now know that stress not only affects our mind and emotions, it also affects our physical body – including our breathing. We do nt to come out of all this as unscathed as possible. We still have control in some areas of our life, like our attitudes about all that is going on and how we deal with the stress. Deep breathing is one of the most uncomplicated habits we can engage in for general health, and to relieve stress.  Breathing and stress and interrelated. Good, full, deep breathing helps to relieve stress, which strengthens our life-force. But when we are stressed, our breathing automatically quickens, and our life-force is weakened. This is why stress can cause us to get stuck in a downward cycle. To ensure we maintain a strong life-force, we must ensure we effectively deal with our [...]

The Value of Deep Breathing, Newsletter, October 2020.2021-10-23T03:38:51+00:00

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