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Monthly Archives: September 2021

The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear

2022-02-15T05:03:25+00:00

All thoughts, attitudes, and actions stem from either love or from fear. What we are feeling and how we are being has its basis either in love, or in fear. All unease and negative outward expressions are based on some sort of fear. From the highest perspective there is only love! Everything else stems from fear.  The underlying fears within us surface - one way or another - in the many negative or unproductive ways we deal with life. This concept is so hard to hear and even harder to believe. Our mind just cannot wrap itself around the idea that “I am angry because of a fear.” Of course, we think NO WAY! I am angry because he/she said/did this to me. However, if we peel back the layers of why we are angry, it boils down to some type of fear. (My Worksheet: Connecting the Dots can help us link what we are feeling or what is causing unwanted reactions - to a fear we may not be aware of.  A printout copy is available from my book). This blog article is based on concepts in my books:   About My Books   Why We Are the Way We Are; Your Journey to Peace ...   About My Books (You will also find information on this link for my 2 upcoming books: 1) Overcome Your Unconscious Influences, like Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness"  - due out early 2022."Relationship Intelligence ... " due out Spring 2022. To stay updated,  Sign-Up for my free monthly Newsletter ??? Our positive feelings and attitudes come from the love we feel within ourselves and from our being connected to our True Self and aligned with the love it embodies. Our negative thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and actions are based on fears amassed from the impressions and interpretations we have gathered from our life experiences now buried in our Emotional Bodies and played out through our Unconscious Influences. These fears need a voice and are usually released in dysfunctional ways as we project them out into the world. Below, Illustration 4 shows some of the aspects of love, and Illustration 5 shows some aspects of fear. Love All the joy and passion that we feel and the harmony that manifests in our lives, and all the other positive attitudes (many shown in illustration 3) stem from love. We are able to bring these about because we are connected to the spark that we emanated from. There is a memory of that spark within all of us, and it is easily accessible - as long as we have not erected roadblocks to squelch the connection. In positive, loving people, that connection can show up in either overt or covert ways, depending on their personalities. Even when the connection is stifled, as was in my case, it can still be accessed with external reminders. A baby’s smile, a spectacular sunset, the abandonment that arises in us from the exhilaration of an extreme sport, or the passion that [...]

The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear2022-02-15T05:03:25+00:00

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause

2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

Negative or inappropriate reactions are the result of living on the surface level of our emotional world. We are either disconnected from our current emotions out of fear of what we may find, or we are unaware that Unconscious Influences - past emotional upsets or hurts are running our lives and causing us to feel bad or react badly. This post is a companion to my article Understanding the Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives Having no true connection to the honesty of our feelings and the depth of our emotions, we react from unconscious emotional states that have no bearing upon others or current situations - rather than respond to what is really happening. Connecting the dots between what we are feeling and how we are reacting can help us overcome negative, inappropriate,  and ineffective attitudes and behaviors. Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner - and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause ?Always take a few moments to center yourself, ask your Higher Self, God, Spirit - of any diety you adhere to join you in understanding -  and overcoming what is causing you difficulties. Write out your thoughts - and what comes to you regarding what you are trying to understand and/or heal about yourself and your communications with others.  Here are a few examples. You may see yourself here; if not, you'll get the idea. We are looking at the real causes of our upsets or issues with others - so that we can get to the root causes and gain more understandin- enabling us to shift to healthier ways of dealing with our feelings and reactions with others. Example # 1: I Get Hurt Feelings: He/she forgot. I feel he/she doesn’t love, value, or appreciate me. I don’t feel loved, valued, or appreciated. Connecting the Dots: (You may see yourself in some - or all of these) I feel hurt when others don't show me love, appreciation, or  meet my expectations (Were your expectations voiced,  or heard by the other?) I need love, appreciation, and validation from people (I feel frustrated and unloved when I don't get validated for my efforts or the love I give) Others haven’t always loved, valued, or appreciated me. ( the 1st Ah-ha moment that connects back to past feelings of being unloved or appreciated) The big Ah-ha moment: I recognize now that I am projecting the lack of love and validation that I felt in the past into present circumstances and am putting unfair expectations on those around me. As well as my personal development, self-help, and spiritual writing, I am also a copywriter and offer many types of writing services My Writing Services.  Example # 2: I am impatient and fly off the handle easily: I'm always busy and have lots to do. I don't have time for anything that delays my plans. I am impatient with people who are calm. It's not my fault - I just get caught up in things. Connecting the Dots: (You may [...]

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives

2023-10-11T04:51:31+00:00

Our Unconscious Influences are our attitudes, biases, habitual thought and reactive patterns, and the inner beliefs that we unknowingly erected from past experiences, what we witnessed, and/or appropriated from others that are now part of our emotional makeup. Our Unconscious Influences can have a positive effect on our lives and perceptions, or a negative one, And they act upon us without our consent. If our Unconscious Influences are negative, they may cause us to misperceive things, others, or situations and trigger us to think and act in automatic, habitual, aggressive, or protective ways. When our Unconscious Influences hold false perceptions, we develop needs to try to uphold them and strategies to defend them.  We project these onto others or different situations in many ways. See below for the link to my companion post "Worksheet: Connecting the Dots ..." A Few Examples of how Our Unconscious Influences May Play Out If our early life was characterized by an impoverished background and powerlessness, we may... 🔸Have constructed attitudes and belief systems to avoid being poor so that we do not feel disempowered in our in life. These may manifest as a strong need to be successful in life - no matter what ... and 🔸Push everyone in our lives aside. 🔸We may align only with successful people or those we deem can help us get ahead. 🔸We may marry for money. Although many of us may have dreamt of marrying for money—after all having an easy lifestyle is very appealing, most of us don’t fall into that trap. 🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸 If a sense of victimization typified our early life experience as a result of having maybe, an abusive parent, we may ... ?Have become controlling or overly aggressive to avoid being hurt or becoming a victim in life. ?When overly aggressive, we cause conflict in our relationships. ?If our innate character is quiet we may have internalized these earlier hurtful emotions and become passive-aggressive as a protective strategy. Further internalizing new hurts and pains, we become more disempowered in life. 🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸 This post is based in concepts in my books, Your Journey to Peace  ..., and Why We Are the Way We Are  About my Books I also offer a variety of Writing Services 🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸 Here's a Personal Example My mother was a 1950s housewife who was unhappy, distant, and morose. She alienated herself from life and didn’t find joy in anything. Because my father was an aggressive, loud bully, she fell into a poor-me, passive, victim mentality. (She actually had many medical issues, including an unrelated thyroid all her life that affected her, but I didn't know that when growing up. I was hurt by her being emotionally distant, and I hated her morose, poor-me attitudes. So, when I married at nineteen and had my first child just as I turned twenty-three, I decided there was NO WAY I was going to be a meek housewife; I associated this with being weak and a victim of one’s circumstances. While that was a [...]

Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives2023-10-11T04:51:31+00:00

August 2021 Newsletter: Expressing Ourselves: to Avoid Depression, Dysfunctions, and Lashing Out at Others

2021-09-21T18:47:48+00:00

Unless we express our fears, frustrations, and anger, they fester inside us and lead to depression, dysfunctional behaviors, or lashing out at others. Although focusing on the drama of anything going on is counterproductive, so is pretending all is well – when it is not. This post is created from my recent newsletter message. The link to sign-up or to read past ones is below. As well as my spiritual/personal development writing, I am also a Copywriter. See My Writing Services And for the world, again, all is NOT well. And so, we must not ignore any feelings that arise in us as the uncertainly of our immediate future still seems to be up in the air. As the return to school and cooler weather almost upon those of us in the Northern hemisphere, and as covid numbers are rising again, many of us may be feeling frustrated or angry as it seems a return to some kind of normal is not imminent. None of us have ever gone through anything like this before. This is not the time to be “a-tough-guy” about it all – and pretend all is well.  The haunting thoughts that we will be restricted again to seeing loved ones at will and that we may not be able to participate in our usual social outings and activities without restrictions is wearing on our emotions and stressing our being. We may not even consciously be aware of it, but there is a cumulative effect knawing on our emotions. To ensure we catch emotions and stresses before they become heavy and fester and create problems in our lives, we must address them. At the same time, ensuring we embrace calming/grounding activity or practices and have some positive life experiences will help alleviate any heavy emotions and stresses. Catching Heavy Emotions and Stresses Before They Fester  Acknowledging and expressing how we feel is the first step to ensure we don’t fall into sadness or depression, become dysfunctional or fall into addiction, or project our frustrations onto others – which only causes disharmony and further stress in our lives. ? Talking to Our Friends or Loved Ones and sharing our thoughts, fears, and frustrations about what is going on helps relieve the heaviness of it all. As we discuss these with another, our words help us pinpoint how we feel about it all, which is often harder to identify than the superficial goings-on. Once acknowledged and looked closer at, the emotions surrounding bad feelings start to subside. And often, we realize they, too, are feeling some of the same. Knowing others have some of the same fears, worries, or frustrations is comforting and helps us make peace with it all. ? Journaling Is an Excellent Tool to acknowledge, pinpoint, and work through our feelings and emotions. When we have nobody we trust enough – or are not comfortable discussing our innermost thoughts and feelings with others. and journaling is a beautiful way to work through our thoughts, worries, feelings, and emotions. We can address scary emotions like [...]

August 2021 Newsletter: Expressing Ourselves: to Avoid Depression, Dysfunctions, and Lashing Out at Others2021-09-21T18:47:48+00:00

August 2021 Newsletter: Expressing Ourselves: to Avoid Depression, Dysfunctions, and Lashing Out at Others

2021-09-16T04:05:27+00:00

 Unless we express our fears, frustrations, and anger, they fester inside us and lead to depression, dysfunctional behaviors, or lashing out at others. Although focusing on the drama of anything going on is counterproductive, so is pretending all is well – when it is not. This post is created from my recent newsletter message. The link to sign-up or to read past ones is below. As well as my spiritual/personal development writing, I am also a Copywriter. See My Writing Services And for the world, again, all is NOT well. And so, we must not ignore any feelings that arise in us as the uncertainly of our immediate future still seems to be up in the air. As the return to school and cooler weather almost upon those of us in the Northern hemisphere, and as covid numbers are rising again, many of us may be feeling frustrated or angry as it seems a return to some kind of normal is not imminent. None of us have ever gone through anything like this before. This is not the time to be "a-tough-guy" about it all – and pretend all is well.  The haunting thoughts that we will be restricted again to seeing loved ones at will and that we may not be able to participate in our usual social outings and activities without restrictions is wearing on our emotions and stressing our being. We may not even consciously be aware of it, but there is a cumulative effect knawing on our emotions. To ensure we catch emotions and stresses before they become heavy and fester and create problems in our lives, we must address them. At the same time, ensuring we embrace calming/grounding activity or practices and have some positive life experiences will help alleviate any heavy emotions and stresses. Catching Heavy Emotions and Stresses Before They Fester  Acknowledging and expressing how we feel is the first step to ensure we don't fall into sadness or depression, become dysfunctional or fall into addiction, or project our frustrations onto others – which only causes disharmony and further stress in our lives. 1: Talking to Our Friends or Loved Ones and sharing our thoughts, fears, and frustrations about what is going on helps relieve the heaviness of it all. As we discuss these with another, our words help us pinpoint how we feel about it all, which is often harder to identify than the superficial goings-on. Once acknowledged and looked closer at, the emotions surrounding bad feelings start to subside. And often, we realize they, too, are feeling some of the same. Knowing others have some of the same fears, worries, or frustrations is comforting and helps us make peace with it all. 2-Journaling: Is an Excellent Toolto acknowledge, pinpoint, and work through our feelings and emotions. When we have nobody we trust enough – or are not comfortable discussing our innermost thoughts and feelings with others. and journaling is a beautiful way to work through our thoughts, worries, feelings, and emotions. We can address scary [...]

August 2021 Newsletter: Expressing Ourselves: to Avoid Depression, Dysfunctions, and Lashing Out at Others2021-09-16T04:05:27+00:00

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