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When we are connected to our heart we are in tune with our true feelings. In tune with our true feelings, it is easier for us to understand another’s heart and how they are feeling, being, and their motivations.
How we feel affects our attitudes and behaviors and how we navigate life, how we show up in the world, and where we are coming from.
Sometimes we come from a place of honesty within ourselves. Sometimes we don’t. We all have a little denial within us that we fall victim to – at least from time to time.
The degree of honesty or denial within ourselves dictates whether,
?We live life coming from a place of true feelings. Or,
?We live life coming from a place of surface feelings.
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True Feelings vs Surface Feelings
Feelings are complicated and many elements affect how we feel.
The closer we are to our true self and the higher level of Peaceful Honesty we live from or have attained, the truer our feelings are.
?In Their Truest Form, Our Feelings Show Us an honest picture of what our heart, or soul, is whispering to us. What we feel and what we show to the world are pure and honest feelings that come from our heart.
?If Tainted, Our Feelings Show Us a false picture of what our heart is whispering to us. Our true feelings are buried and remain below the surface. How we feel and what we show to the world are surface level feelings that mask our true feelings. We are afraid to scratch below the surface.
Unconscious Influences Cause Tainted / Surface Feelings
Unconscious Influences are the barriers we erect over our hearts and feelings. We erected these barriers as a result of buried, unacknowledged, and unaddressed hurts, pains, confusions, or unresolved or conflicting events from our past.
When unconscious influences are at play in our life, our feelings are marred with the fears or confusion of the original event they grew out of.
Unconscious influences run our lives – without our consent.
Buried hurts or pains (emotional or physical) or unresolved conflicts or confusing events from our past caused us to put up protective mechanisms to protect our hearts and psyches.
These protective mechanisms cause us to be reactive and they play out as negative, harmful, or bad attitudes or behaviors. We either,
- Turn them Inwards – and we are tentative, needy, are easily frustrated, often get hurt feelings, are passive-aggressive, disempowered, unable to make decisions, or become dysfunctional (or addictive) in some way, or
- Turn them Outwards – and we are critical, judgmental, controlling, defensive, blame others, or lash out at people or situations with anger or any other type of aggression.
Understanding OUR Heart – Allows Us to Understand Others’ Hearts
When in Touch with Our Heart and True Feelings, we are connected to and understand our heart and are in touch with our true feelings we are,
?Able to be open and vulnerable
?Aware of our strengths – and use them to our advantage
?Aware of our fears or weaknesses – and are able to face them
?Able to handle criticism and confrontation – and do so with grace
?Aware of – are conscious of our motivations
?Able to look beyond others outward manifestations of their fears and protective mechanisms.
When we are in a healthy mental state and our feelings are pure, we are open to others and confidently go after what we want in life and what life has to offer us.
Even with life’s ups and downs, we are able to create a satisfying life for ourselves and harmonies relationships.
The Disconnected Heart and Motivations
True Feelings create true and honest motivations that come from the heart.
Surface Level Tainted Feelings create false motivations that come from unconscious fear and its protective mechanisms.
When people around us act badly or hurtfully in any way, asking ourselves …
- “What are their motivations” and
- “Where are they coming from”
… goes a long way to avoid escalating a tough encounter. It also protects our heart and psyche from feeling like it is being trampled on.
When People Are Disconnected from Their Heart and True Feelings, they are unaware of why they feel bad. They don’t understand why others don’t agree with them or understand why they feel.
People disconnected from their heart and true
feelings need all the love, understanding, and compassion we can give them.
They are unaware of what is causing their life to be frustrating or unfulfilling or what is causing their hurt feelings and discord in their relationships.
They don’t realize they get triggered from past, unresolved events. Disconnected from their heart and true feelings, they are coming from a place of denial, fear, and mental and emotional restriction.
They may be,
?Afraid to be open and vulnerable
?Impatient, mistrusting and suspicious
?Unable to make decisions
?Unconscious to their real hidden motivations (of protecting their hearts and psyches)
?Unable to look beyond others outward manifestations of their fears and protective mechanisms
?Reactive – rather than responsive
?Unaware that Unconscious Influences are running their lives.
And most importantly,
Living in denial and on the surface level of their feelings,
people are unaware that most of
their Issues Are Coming FROM Them – Not Being Done TO Them
Dealing With People Who Act Badly
We all want to receive unconditional love from others. However, most people are unable to give it – at least all of the time. And people who are unaware of how their true feelings and past hurts and pains affect how they act and react always think it is the other acting or reacting badly.
When people operate from tainted, surface level feelings and are in protection mode, they project their false feeling onto others believing they are acting from a pure place.
They believe what their false feelings are telling them – that he or she is this or that. They never consider that it is their false feelings and the protections they have unconsciously set up that cause them to perceive the issue improperly.
Whether people lash out at others or internalize their feelings, they are doing themselves a great disservice.
With the understanding that negative reactions and behaviors are caused by people attempting to protect their hearts and psyches, responding calmly and with compassion for how they are feeling or extricating ourselves from the room are our best choices.
Reacting to inappropriate attitudes or reactions with the same adds fuel to the fire and solves nothing.
Buried feelings from past issues will linger until addressed – and healed.
We cannot change others attitudes or how people react or behave by being aggressive, combative, or passive-aggressive.
However, we do have the power to choose how we approach and respond to others and ensure we don’t add fuel when people approach us in a combative manner.
And by us staying calm and being understanding we may inspire others to shift to being more conscious of how they approach and respond to those around them.
© Rosemary McCarthy, May 25, 2022, posted here June 23, 2022
About My Books “Why We Are the Way We Are” and “Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science. Both are available in print and e-book from Amazon. Upcoming books: Overcome Your Unconscious Influences …- due out Summer 2022 and Relationship Intelligence … – due out Fall 2022.
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