Expressing Our Emotions Archives

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause

wvlju2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

Negative or inappropriate reactions are the result of living on the surface level of our emotional world. We are either disconnected from our current emotions out of fear of what we may find, or we are unaware that Unconscious Influences - past emotional upsets or hurts are running our lives and causing us to feel bad or react badly. This post is a companion to my article Understanding the Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives Having no true connection to the honesty of our feelings and the depth of our emotions, we react from unconscious emotional states that have no bearing upon others or current situations - rather than respond to what is really happening. Connecting the dots between what we are feeling and how we are reacting can help us overcome negative, inappropriate, and ineffective attitudes and behaviors. Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner - and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause ?Always take a few moments to center yourself, ask your Higher Self, God, Spirit - of any diety you adhere to join you in understanding - and overcoming what is causing you difficulties. Write out your thoughts - and what comes to you regarding what you are trying to understand and/or heal about yourself and your communications with others. Here are a few examples. You may see yourself here; if not, you'll get the idea. We are looking at the real causes of our upsets or issues with others - so that we can get to the root causes and gain more understandin- enabling us to shift to healthier ways of dealing with our feelings and reactions with others. Example # 1: I Get Hurt Feelings: He/she forgot. I feel he/she doesn’t love, value, or appreciate me. I don’t feel loved, valued, or appreciated. Connecting the Dots: (You may see yourself in some - or all of these) I feel hurt when others don't show me love, appreciation, or meet my expectations (Were your expectations voiced, or heard by the other?) I need love, appreciation, and validation from people (I feel frustrated and unloved when I don't get validated for my efforts or the love I give) Others haven’t always loved, valued, or appreciated me. ( the 1st Ah-ha moment that connects back to past feelings of being unloved or appreciated) The big Ah-ha moment: I recognize now that I am projecting the lack of love and validation that I felt in the past into present circumstances and am putting unfair expectations on those around me. As well as my personal development, self-help, and spiritual writing, I am also a copywriter and offer many types of writing services My Writing Services. Example # 2: I am impatient and fly off the handle easily: I'm always busy and have lots to do. I don't have time for anything that delays my plans. I am impatient with people who are calm. It's not my fault - I just get caught up in things. Connecting the Dots: (You may [...]

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Causewvlju2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021

wvlju2021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

When we come from a place of It's Not Me – It's You, we project our fears and feelings onto the other. Ultimately, we are all responsible for the feelings that arise in us. Projecting our feelings back at the other is an attempt to deflect owning our feelings. And rather than get angry, defensive, or blame the other – it is more productive to respond calmly. When we come from a place of It's Not You – It's Me, we internalize how the other made us feel. We are also responsible for any feelings we internalize, bury, and hide from the other. And rather than allowing our emotions to stew and later erupt or morph into passive-aggressive attitudes or behaviors, it is more productive to speak up calmly – but confidently. Later, we can look to understand why we allow another to make us feel bad and how we allow them to treat us in the way they do. (Sign-Up to receive my Free Monthly Newsletter where I cover a variety of subjects related to our personal development). ✍?As well as my Spiritual and Personal Development Writing, I am also a Copywriter/Digital Marketing and I offer Various Writing Services. My Writing Services Page ✍? Whether we project or internalize, we take personally what the other said, did, didn’t say, didn’t do, or how they reacted or didn’t react. Don’t take things personally is one of the four agreements from ... My Recommended Book of the Month is The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. When People Disagree or One Feels Hurt, or Gets Disappointed or Disillusioned ?It's Both of Us: because when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from love. One is unaware that they are feeling bad because of their misalignment; the other is unaware that they are behaving in hurtful ways that stem from their misalignment. And ... ?It's Neither of Us: Our true reality is that we are love. However, we are disconnected from that love. So, when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from that love – unaware that they are simply feeling bad or acting out from that place of misalignment. With this understanding that It Is Both of Us – and – It Is Neither of Us – and knowing that each is unaware that they are feeling or reacting from this place of misalignment, it is easier to understand and forgive how the other is showing up. To shift from It's Not Me–It's You – or – It's Not You–It's Me” – to – “It’s Both – It’s Neither” we must … ? Come from a place of honesty and authenticity within ourselves ? Bring the qualities of love – calmness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, and harmony to the other. And to get there, it helps to … ? Remember that we are all somewhat misaligned from our true reality – from the love we are at our core ? Recognize that you cannot always feel love and [...]

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021wvlju2021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

? Saying “I Love You” – December 2022 Newsletter Message

wvlju2023-02-03T22:20:29+00:00

This is from my December Monthly Newsletter Message. ????? February's Message will be " "What Would Love Do." Sign-up to Receive it. You Can Read Past Ones there too. The words I love you are very powerful. They touch the heart of the recipient. However, not everyone can say the words. They may feel love for the other, but cannot bring themselves to express it verbally. Its as if the words are stuck in their throat. Saying I love you is often learned from our birth family as it may have been normal to regularly say the words. And even for those who grew up in a family where saying I love you wasn’t the norm, we may still be able to verbally express love later in life – if we have a strong enough heart connection. The stronger our heart connection, the more we can feel love in our hearts and come from a place of love, and the easier it is to express love – in all its ways, including verbally. The More Love We Feel in Our Hearts, the Easier it Is For Us to Express Love – Including Words The purest form of saying I love you comes from our heart-space and being unafraid to be vulnerable. Saying I love you makes us vulnerable because we are opening our hearts – and the other may not reciprocate the love we are expressing. But the purest form of expressing love to another requires no reciprocation. However, most of us get hurt feelings or confused if another does not reciprocate our expressions of love. Sometimes they may not feel it, but most likely, the other has not returned the feelings because they cannot. Still, even if it feels awkward to say the words or it makes you feel uncomfortable or vulnerable, uttering them will benefit you greatly. Our Words Are Powerful. They Are Like Mantras Mantras are valuable because they anchor the meaning of the words into our being – into our heart-space. The more often we make an effort to connect to or express love, the more we connect to our heart-space. And the more we connect to our heart-space, the easier it is to express love – in all its forms. (See my blog post The Qualities of Love) Words are most powerful when felt deeply in our hearts. But even words whispered to ourselves or forced words voiced have benefits – because we are making an effort. The “fake it till you make it” concept has value. So, if you are uncomfortable saying I love you to others, there are many ways to get the energy of it in you – so that you can override any blocks to verbally expressing your love. This - and my February message are excerpts from my upcoming book, Relationship Intelligence ... – due out later this Winter. See my Published and Upcoming Books Practice saying the words when alone – and repeat them many times, ?Out loud to [...]

? Saying “I Love You” – December 2022 Newsletter Messagewvlju2023-02-03T22:20:29+00:00

Staying Calm, Keeping Balanced, Allowing for Reflection

wvlju2021-11-05T12:48:49+00:00

As we start to get back into the swing of Fall activities (at least those of us in the Northern hemisphere are), let us remember to not get so caught up in all the various commitments and/or responsibilities that come along with this time of the year that may cause us to become stressed and overly busy. And although we have missed out on many of the fun things we were used to doing, many of us have also enjoyed the slowing down –and used the time to rejuvenate our mind, body, and soul. And if you feel bored or listless, remember how uplifting feeling relaxed and "just being" is. "Just being" offers our mind, body, and soul the energetic space to recalibrate - without us even being aware of it. And it puts us in a state where we can reflect. Modern life has often led us to ignore the reflective and feeling parts of ourselves. Our forced slowdowns this past year and a half have given us more time than usual to be calmer, more reflective, and opportunities to "just be." Links to 3 companion posts are at the end. To be happy and feel good we need to attend to our body, mind, emotions, and spiritual connection – and it is the subtler parts of ourselves that nurture these. The subtler parts of ourselves are more in tune with love – with a connection to our True Selves – to others – and everything around us. They are more based on our true reality. Being in tune with love and connected to our true reality, we navigate life adhering to love's qualities: kindness, sharing, compassion, acceptance, equality, unity, etc. We feel empowered – not in a striving for power way (based on a false strength) but from a place of inner strength (based on our true reality). This allows us to embrace the concept of me-and-you. Humanity’s history has been based on false realities. Of separate motivations grounded in fear, greed, competition – on me-against-you. Fighting for our survival became paramount in our existence. We were reactive, rather than responsive. Although today most of us do not have to fight for our physical survival, we have maintained the competitiveness and reactive states of that survival mode. This, along with the disconnect from our True Self, has created stress and uneasiness in our beings. This has translated into the business and getting ahead ways of navigating life that has become the norm for many of us. The reactive way of navigating life that we inherited from past generations causes us to aggressively approach situations – often bringing in past issues or being influenced by unaddressed emotions from our past – rather than responding calmly and only addressing what is currently happening. Our business, competitiveness, focus on getting ahead, and our reactive states have left no room to connect to our subtler and reflective natures – that are so important to our sense of well-being. This article/blog post is based [...]

Staying Calm, Keeping Balanced, Allowing for Reflectionwvlju2021-11-05T12:48:49+00:00

Relationships: Partnering Up Consciously – Separating Consciously 2/3

wvlju2022-09-14T00:18:39+00:00

The more consciousness we bring to our dating, the better they turn out for us. The more consciousness we bring to our current relationships, the more easily they flourish. And the more evolved and conscious we become - aware of our wants, needs, and expectations - as well as any ways of being that may be detracting us from getting what we want from our dating or relationships, the more confident and empowered we become. Being more conscious allows us to more easily trust our hearts - that they are showing us a true picture when choosing a spouse or life partner (or even friends or a business partner) - instead of one created from denial or neediness. Consciousness brings maturity to dating, and to relationships. Read Part 1 Part 3 The more evolved and conscious we become, the less we will have to be wary of our unconscious influences (hurt feelings, neediness, aggressive or overly-passive reactions, etc.) luring us into hurtful or chaotic situations. Nor will we have to be so vigilant at continuously examining our emotions, desires, or motives. Neither will we have to be so cautious of others’ motives. When we bring consciousness and the maturity it holds to our dating and relationships, we are be working at higher vibration capacities. Our radars become better attuned to the vibrations of others, and if something is off we will cue into it more easily. This article is based on Ch 5, “Relationships” in my book, Your Journey to Peace … and will be expanded upon in Relationship Intelligence; Choose Your Ideal Partner, Improve Your Couple Relationship, Heal Your Family Relationships - Spring 2022. About My Books To stay updated, Sign-up for my free monthly publication ? ? ? ?? My passion writing is in personal development, and spirituality genres, and I am also a copywriter and offer various writing services to businesses and personal development and spiritual communities. My Writing Services Page The more conscious we become, the greater our connection to our True Self, and the more we feel guided towards partners based on true soul pairings where both can thrive. Where there is equality, acceptance, and forgiveness - instead of confusion, hot then cold attitudes, jealousy, possessiveness, or flip-flopping about where the dating or relationship will go. In conscious relationships, we encourage each other to be the best we can be. And because our strength and self-confidence come from within, we are not invested in changing our partners or making them acquiesce to our desires. We also understand that our partner gets his or her strength and guidance from their True Self, and if that guidance is calling them to move on from the relationship we will not be so inclined towards drama, anger, revenge, or the plethora of negative responses breaking up has caused in the past. As we uncover and work through unconscious influences that affect how we think, react, and act, we will choose our partners, spouses, and life partners more consciously. We will become stronger in [...]

Relationships: Partnering Up Consciously – Separating Consciously 2/3wvlju2022-09-14T00:18:39+00:00

August 2021 Newsletter: Expressing Ourselves: to Avoid Depression, Dysfunctions, and Lashing Out at Others

wvlju2021-09-21T18:47:48+00:00

Unless we express our fears, frustrations, and anger, they fester inside us and lead to depression, dysfunctional behaviors, or lashing out at others. Although focusing on the drama of anything going on is counterproductive, so is pretending all is well – when it is not. This post is created from my recent newsletter message. The link to sign-up or to read past ones is below. As well as my spiritual/personal development writing, I am also a Copywriter. See My Writing Services And for the world, again, all is NOT well. And so, we must not ignore any feelings that arise in us as the uncertainly of our immediate future still seems to be up in the air. As the return to school and cooler weather almost upon those of us in the Northern hemisphere, and as covid numbers are rising again, many of us may be feeling frustrated or angry as it seems a return to some kind of normal is not imminent. None of us have ever gone through anything like this before. This is not the time to be “a-tough-guy” about it all – and pretend all is well. The haunting thoughts that we will be restricted again to seeing loved ones at will and that we may not be able to participate in our usual social outings and activities without restrictions is wearing on our emotions and stressing our being. We may not even consciously be aware of it, but there is a cumulative effect knawing on our emotions. To ensure we catch emotions and stresses before they become heavy and fester and create problems in our lives, we must address them. At the same time, ensuring we embrace calming/grounding activity or practices and have some positive life experiences will help alleviate any heavy emotions and stresses. Catching Heavy Emotions and Stresses Before They Fester Acknowledging and expressing how we feel is the first step to ensure we don’t fall into sadness or depression, become dysfunctional or fall into addiction, or project our frustrations onto others – which only causes disharmony and further stress in our lives. ? Talking to Our Friends or Loved Ones and sharing our thoughts, fears, and frustrations about what is going on helps relieve the heaviness of it all. As we discuss these with another, our words help us pinpoint how we feel about it all, which is often harder to identify than the superficial goings-on. Once acknowledged and looked closer at, the emotions surrounding bad feelings start to subside. And often, we realize they, too, are feeling some of the same. Knowing others have some of the same fears, worries, or frustrations is comforting and helps us make peace with it all. ? Journaling Is an Excellent Tool to acknowledge, pinpoint, and work through our feelings and emotions. When we have nobody we trust enough – or are not comfortable discussing our innermost thoughts and feelings with others. and journaling is a beautiful way to work through our thoughts, worries, feelings, and emotions. We can address scary emotions like [...]

August 2021 Newsletter: Expressing Ourselves: to Avoid Depression, Dysfunctions, and Lashing Out at Otherswvlju2021-09-21T18:47:48+00:00