Expressing OUrselves Archives

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause

wvlju2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

Negative or inappropriate reactions are the result of living on the surface level of our emotional world. We are either disconnected from our current emotions out of fear of what we may find, or we are unaware that Unconscious Influences - past emotional upsets or hurts are running our lives and causing us to feel bad or react badly. This post is a companion to my article Understanding the Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives Having no true connection to the honesty of our feelings and the depth of our emotions, we react from unconscious emotional states that have no bearing upon others or current situations - rather than respond to what is really happening. Connecting the dots between what we are feeling and how we are reacting can help us overcome negative, inappropriate, and ineffective attitudes and behaviors. Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner - and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause ?Always take a few moments to center yourself, ask your Higher Self, God, Spirit - of any diety you adhere to join you in understanding - and overcoming what is causing you difficulties. Write out your thoughts - and what comes to you regarding what you are trying to understand and/or heal about yourself and your communications with others. Here are a few examples. You may see yourself here; if not, you'll get the idea. We are looking at the real causes of our upsets or issues with others - so that we can get to the root causes and gain more understandin- enabling us to shift to healthier ways of dealing with our feelings and reactions with others. Example # 1: I Get Hurt Feelings: He/she forgot. I feel he/she doesn’t love, value, or appreciate me. I don’t feel loved, valued, or appreciated. Connecting the Dots: (You may see yourself in some - or all of these) I feel hurt when others don't show me love, appreciation, or meet my expectations (Were your expectations voiced, or heard by the other?) I need love, appreciation, and validation from people (I feel frustrated and unloved when I don't get validated for my efforts or the love I give) Others haven’t always loved, valued, or appreciated me. ( the 1st Ah-ha moment that connects back to past feelings of being unloved or appreciated) The big Ah-ha moment: I recognize now that I am projecting the lack of love and validation that I felt in the past into present circumstances and am putting unfair expectations on those around me. As well as my personal development, self-help, and spiritual writing, I am also a copywriter and offer many types of writing services My Writing Services. Example # 2: I am impatient and fly off the handle easily: I'm always busy and have lots to do. I don't have time for anything that delays my plans. I am impatient with people who are calm. It's not my fault - I just get caught up in things. Connecting the Dots: (You may [...]

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Causewvlju2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021

wvlju2021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

When we come from a place of It's Not Me – It's You, we project our fears and feelings onto the other. Ultimately, we are all responsible for the feelings that arise in us. Projecting our feelings back at the other is an attempt to deflect owning our feelings. And rather than get angry, defensive, or blame the other – it is more productive to respond calmly. When we come from a place of It's Not You – It's Me, we internalize how the other made us feel. We are also responsible for any feelings we internalize, bury, and hide from the other. And rather than allowing our emotions to stew and later erupt or morph into passive-aggressive attitudes or behaviors, it is more productive to speak up calmly – but confidently. Later, we can look to understand why we allow another to make us feel bad and how we allow them to treat us in the way they do. (Sign-Up to receive my Free Monthly Newsletter where I cover a variety of subjects related to our personal development). ✍?As well as my Spiritual and Personal Development Writing, I am also a Copywriter/Digital Marketing and I offer Various Writing Services. My Writing Services Page ✍? Whether we project or internalize, we take personally what the other said, did, didn’t say, didn’t do, or how they reacted or didn’t react. Don’t take things personally is one of the four agreements from ... My Recommended Book of the Month is The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. When People Disagree or One Feels Hurt, or Gets Disappointed or Disillusioned ?It's Both of Us: because when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from love. One is unaware that they are feeling bad because of their misalignment; the other is unaware that they are behaving in hurtful ways that stem from their misalignment. And ... ?It's Neither of Us: Our true reality is that we are love. However, we are disconnected from that love. So, when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from that love – unaware that they are simply feeling bad or acting out from that place of misalignment. With this understanding that It Is Both of Us – and – It Is Neither of Us – and knowing that each is unaware that they are feeling or reacting from this place of misalignment, it is easier to understand and forgive how the other is showing up. To shift from It's Not Me–It's You – or – It's Not You–It's Me” – to – “It’s Both – It’s Neither” we must … ? Come from a place of honesty and authenticity within ourselves ? Bring the qualities of love – calmness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, and harmony to the other. And to get there, it helps to … ? Remember that we are all somewhat misaligned from our true reality – from the love we are at our core ? Recognize that you cannot always feel love and [...]

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021wvlju2021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

? Saying “I Love You” – December 2022 Newsletter Message

wvlju2023-02-03T22:20:29+00:00

This is from my December Monthly Newsletter Message. ????? February's Message will be " "What Would Love Do." Sign-up to Receive it. You Can Read Past Ones there too. The words I love you are very powerful. They touch the heart of the recipient. However, not everyone can say the words. They may feel love for the other, but cannot bring themselves to express it verbally. Its as if the words are stuck in their throat. Saying I love you is often learned from our birth family as it may have been normal to regularly say the words. And even for those who grew up in a family where saying I love you wasn’t the norm, we may still be able to verbally express love later in life – if we have a strong enough heart connection. The stronger our heart connection, the more we can feel love in our hearts and come from a place of love, and the easier it is to express love – in all its ways, including verbally. The More Love We Feel in Our Hearts, the Easier it Is For Us to Express Love – Including Words The purest form of saying I love you comes from our heart-space and being unafraid to be vulnerable. Saying I love you makes us vulnerable because we are opening our hearts – and the other may not reciprocate the love we are expressing. But the purest form of expressing love to another requires no reciprocation. However, most of us get hurt feelings or confused if another does not reciprocate our expressions of love. Sometimes they may not feel it, but most likely, the other has not returned the feelings because they cannot. Still, even if it feels awkward to say the words or it makes you feel uncomfortable or vulnerable, uttering them will benefit you greatly. Our Words Are Powerful. They Are Like Mantras Mantras are valuable because they anchor the meaning of the words into our being – into our heart-space. The more often we make an effort to connect to or express love, the more we connect to our heart-space. And the more we connect to our heart-space, the easier it is to express love – in all its forms. (See my blog post The Qualities of Love) Words are most powerful when felt deeply in our hearts. But even words whispered to ourselves or forced words voiced have benefits – because we are making an effort. The “fake it till you make it” concept has value. So, if you are uncomfortable saying I love you to others, there are many ways to get the energy of it in you – so that you can override any blocks to verbally expressing your love. This - and my February message are excerpts from my upcoming book, Relationship Intelligence ... – due out later this Winter. See my Published and Upcoming Books Practice saying the words when alone – and repeat them many times, ?Out loud to [...]

? Saying “I Love You” – December 2022 Newsletter Messagewvlju2023-02-03T22:20:29+00:00

Love Is A Decision – Newsletter, November 2021.

wvlju2021-12-23T13:24:59+00:00

This month's theme, Creating Loving Feelings, is from an essay I wrote a few years ago for The Love Foundation, for which I received an honorable mention?. I have tweaked it a little to reflect the Holiday Season and the impact the current state of the world may be having on us and our emotional world. Sign-up to receive my future messages - and read past ones Most of us aspire to feel good, be positive, and express love out into the world. However, sometimes we cannot feel love in our hearts – at least not enough to be joyful, happy, and contented, or loving towards others. Even if we are usually calm, loving, and are a positive person, personal stress and stresses from outside sources – like what we have recently been experiencing with the restrictions put upon us – dull our senses. Feelings of joy and happiness and our sense of aliveness may weaken. For many of us, our ability to connect to loving feelings is fragile and can easily be upset. ??? All my blog posts are from themes in my books, Your Journey to Peace …, and Why We Are the Way We Are,- which offer the reader valuable insights that can help them feel more peaceful and contented and improve their relationships - as well as my upcoming books, Overcome Your Unconscious Influences – due out early 2022, and Relationship Intelligence – due out Spring 2022. ??? We were created to live connected to love, effortlessly tapping into joy, and naturally expressing love – and its supportive qualities like fairness, sharing, and compassion outwards into the world. See my post The Qualities of Love. However, at some point in humanity's history, negativity arose. As this played out, our connection to positive and uplifting ways of experiencing and expressing life weakened. As time passed, harmful and disempowering ways of approaching life and others became the norm: our default position. Because of what we experienced, or were exposed to in the past, our connection to loving feelings may be weak. or even blocked ?Some of us were victims of how the negativity played out in others. As they abused, criticized, or belittled us, or were unsupportive of us emotionally, mentally, or physically, our hearts hardened, and we unconsciously erected protective and defensive mechanisms to protect our hearts and emotional world. ?Others of us inherited the negative ways of being from our families and cultures. We learned to view the world through a lens of judgment, biases, and competition: to battle rather than be compassionate and cooperative. To be suspicious of others different than us. Whatever caused us to disconnect from loving feelings, the protective and defensive mechanisms we erected, or any judgment, biases, and competitive ways of approaching life we adopted, habitual reactions and limiting beliefs became entrenched in our being. I call these Our Unconscious Influences. These influences that run our lives – without our conscious consent – are based on fear. They are energetically heavy [...]

Love Is A Decision – Newsletter, November 2021.wvlju2021-12-23T13:24:59+00:00

August 2021 Newsletter: Expressing Ourselves: to Avoid Depression, Dysfunctions, and Lashing Out at Others

wvlju2021-09-21T18:47:48+00:00

Unless we express our fears, frustrations, and anger, they fester inside us and lead to depression, dysfunctional behaviors, or lashing out at others. Although focusing on the drama of anything going on is counterproductive, so is pretending all is well – when it is not. This post is created from my recent newsletter message. The link to sign-up or to read past ones is below. As well as my spiritual/personal development writing, I am also a Copywriter. See My Writing Services And for the world, again, all is NOT well. And so, we must not ignore any feelings that arise in us as the uncertainly of our immediate future still seems to be up in the air. As the return to school and cooler weather almost upon those of us in the Northern hemisphere, and as covid numbers are rising again, many of us may be feeling frustrated or angry as it seems a return to some kind of normal is not imminent. None of us have ever gone through anything like this before. This is not the time to be “a-tough-guy” about it all – and pretend all is well. The haunting thoughts that we will be restricted again to seeing loved ones at will and that we may not be able to participate in our usual social outings and activities without restrictions is wearing on our emotions and stressing our being. We may not even consciously be aware of it, but there is a cumulative effect knawing on our emotions. To ensure we catch emotions and stresses before they become heavy and fester and create problems in our lives, we must address them. At the same time, ensuring we embrace calming/grounding activity or practices and have some positive life experiences will help alleviate any heavy emotions and stresses. Catching Heavy Emotions and Stresses Before They Fester Acknowledging and expressing how we feel is the first step to ensure we don’t fall into sadness or depression, become dysfunctional or fall into addiction, or project our frustrations onto others – which only causes disharmony and further stress in our lives. ? Talking to Our Friends or Loved Ones and sharing our thoughts, fears, and frustrations about what is going on helps relieve the heaviness of it all. As we discuss these with another, our words help us pinpoint how we feel about it all, which is often harder to identify than the superficial goings-on. Once acknowledged and looked closer at, the emotions surrounding bad feelings start to subside. And often, we realize they, too, are feeling some of the same. Knowing others have some of the same fears, worries, or frustrations is comforting and helps us make peace with it all. ? Journaling Is an Excellent Tool to acknowledge, pinpoint, and work through our feelings and emotions. When we have nobody we trust enough – or are not comfortable discussing our innermost thoughts and feelings with others. and journaling is a beautiful way to work through our thoughts, worries, feelings, and emotions. We can address scary emotions like [...]

August 2021 Newsletter: Expressing Ourselves: to Avoid Depression, Dysfunctions, and Lashing Out at Otherswvlju2021-09-21T18:47:48+00:00