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For Women

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/3

2022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Relationships are the vehicle that best allows us to work out our issues. Our pains and fears. Our neediness. Our aggression. Our protective devices. It is where we most play out our reactionary or passive styles. This is especially true in our familial and couple relationships This article is based on ch. 5 "Relationships" in Your Journey to Peace ... Our Couple Relationships What most of us look for in our intimate relationships is companionship, and for the other to love, help, and support us in life.  In our younger days, we may look for the right person to build a family with.  We may also look for a partner to offer us security. And from a human perspective, this is all fine. However, from a higher, spiritual perspective, the purpose of all our relationships is for soul growth: to connect more fully to our True Self - so that we can live life coming from a place of LOVE. In fact, all our interactions with others offer us opportunities to come from that place of love: to offer the qualities of love to others.  (See my post The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear. The link is also at the end. Because of the intimacy required, our relationships are the best vehicle to work through our unprocessed hurts and pains from our past. In our day-to-day life, any  Unconscious Influences we may hold, like neediness, defensiveness, or aggressive, controlling, or passive tendencies. naturally arise. It is unprocessed hurts and pains from our past that caused us to create these Unconscious Influences to protect our hearts and psyches. These, along with our individual personalities, differing ways of approaching life, and the various defensive and protective mechanisms we created to protect our hearts and psyches are what creates hurt feelings in us and conflicts with others. Our couple relationships also often hold expectations that cannot be met. And our communication skills are often weak. With presumed, unvoiced, or misunderstood expectations and poor communication we may get hurt feelings or react badly in frustration, and our unconscious, habitual responses rear their ugly head, and instead of coming from a place of love and understanding, we unknowingly invite conflict into our relationships. Our relationships are actually set up to trigger our Unconscious Influences - by others pushing our buttons. This is why our relationships are often so difficult! Unconscious Influence create havoc in our relationships. They cause us to navigate life from a place of fear, protectionism, defensiveness, and suspiciousness. We are overly sensitive and prone to blame to other for how we feel and for not understanding us. The emotional instability and feelings of disempowerment created from past unhealed wounds or conflicting messages we received about love, create ineffective, habitual patterns of negative reactions and behaviors that cause hurt feelings for us and conflicts with others. Our unaddressed wounds get triggered in our communications with others as we erroneously bring echoes of past hurts or fears into present issues or situations with others. However, our sensitivities are [...]

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/32022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Our Boundaries: How They Can Shift In Times of Stress – Part 1/4

2021-07-23T06:15:12+00:00

Healthy boundaries allow us to preserve our individualism while sharing our lives with others. Maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial to our sense of well-being. The health and strength of our boundaries are vital in allowing for easy flowing and healthy relationships with those in our lives, and pleasant experiences with the people we run into as we go about our days. This article is based on my books. They all focus on some aspect of "Our Journeys to Peace." Links to About Books is here When reasonable and healthy boundaries are being respected, there are no blurred lines between what is comfortable for us – physically and emotionally – and what is not. When around others, we either feel normal, comfortable, and safe. Or we do not. We don’t engage with people who criticize us. Suffocate us. Emotionally bombard us. Nor do we allow others to take advantage of us. Healthy boundaries set the groundwork for feeling comfortable around others and having satisfying give-and-take relationships. ~  With unhealthy boundaries, we are often frustrated and disappointed in our communications with others, as well as in our relationships in general. ~ Unhealthy boundaries are either too closed or too wide open. People with healthy boundaries are confident and well-balanced. They know themselves. And who or what they can deal with – without negative repercussions. Healthy boundaries act as sort of a protection mechanism, although confident and well-balanced people don’t really need protection. Their confidence and sense of self guide them to make good choices. We All Handle Life and Stress Differently We all have different energy levels, emotional strengths, abilities to handle change and stress, tendency and capacity to give, and response levels to those in need – emotionally or physically. For many of us, much of this has recently been taxed. I think we all feel the need for a nice long vacation.😎 At the same time, there is way more need around us than ever before. We have all been thrown for a loop, and we have all reacted in different ways. Some of us have been greatly affected, while others of us have taken it all more in stride. And some of us have even appreciated the extra quiet time. If we have been affected, we must ensure we remain healthy and emotionally balanced – even if that means reigning in activities or commitments to others. For those of us who have managed it all more easily, we may have been able to help others get through this past year. Being of service and helping others can feel wonderful and be very fulfilling. For others of us, we have needed all of our strength to look after only our self, as it has been a daily struggle to just stay afloat. And some of us have needed lots of help to get through it all. Thank goodness for the many angels on earth who had the extra energy to give and came to our rescue. 🌈 This pandemic has caused many of us to have [...]

Our Boundaries: How They Can Shift In Times of Stress – Part 1/42021-07-23T06:15:12+00:00

For Women: Create Better Dating Scenarios / Happier Relationships, Part 1/3

2020-11-20T23:02:16+00:00

Getting hurt feelings, being frustrated or confused, and becoming angry seem to be part of most of our dating experiences, as well as our short – and long-term relationships. Learning how to effectively deal with these goes a long way to improving our dating experiences and being happier in our relationships. (Although everyone is invited to read this post, I am currently working with women on their dating and relationship issues with men, and this post is aimed at those women. However, if you stumble upon it … welcome😊. Much of this is basic, general, good advice for all types of relationships). Whenever we are disappointed, frustrated, or get hurt feelings because of what the other did – or didn’t do, our tendency as women is usually to either bury our feelings and turn them inwards, or, to react outwardly. Although these ways of dealing with hurts, disappointments, frustrations, etc. may feel good and appropriate in the moment, neither of them is effective at ultimately getting us what we want. This is because these types of responses are unnatural. They are simply automatic responses we developed at one time or another to deal with life and/or others to protect our hearts and hide or defend our true feelings. They do not come from a place of empowerment. This blog article is based on my published - and upcoming books  Your Journey to Peace ... (2016) Why We Are the Way We Are (2018) Overcoming: Anger, Neediness, Hurt Feelings, Frustrations, Blaming Others for Our Unhappiness  (Dec 2020) Relationships in an Evolving World (March 2021) About My Books here    To Stay Updated, Sign up for my Newsletter  here Whether we want our man to give us more attention, listen to us better, keep his word, or do more for us – more of what we expect, we must approach him in a way that encourages him to engage with us, listen to us – and hear us – not in a way that repels him, causing him to tune out, get his back up, pull away, get defensive, or even angry. To help in our dating and relationships, as women we must understand both how we deal with hurts, stressors, disappointments, etc. and how men deal with theirs. This empowers us! When stressed, hurt, disappointed, confused, angry etc., women usually turn to their emotions; men tend to withdraw. Understanding our self, and understanding the other in our dating or relationship scenarios is empowering. Being empowered is what ensures we are effective in ensuring that OUR goals in our dating and relationships are met. To Date Effectively:  We Must COME FROM A PLACE of Empowerment To Have/Create/Maintain Harmonious Relationships: We Must FEEL Empowered When we come from a place of empowerment and feel empowered, IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE OTHER SAYS OR DOES.  We know what we want/need to be happy and feel loved, and what will make us feel secure in our dating and our relationships. We act accordingly. Some of the ways [...]

For Women: Create Better Dating Scenarios / Happier Relationships, Part 1/32020-11-20T23:02:16+00:00

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