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Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/3

2023-10-10T20:51:00+00:00

(I am currently setting up a Coaching Program "Choose Your Ideal Partner", which will include a private Facebook Group, Live workshops in Montreal starting October 21, 2023, + Online Workshops in November. Contact me at: rosemary@yourjourneytopeace.com for more information. Rosemary💗) Relationships are the vehicle that best allows us to work out our issues. Our pains and fears. Our neediness. Our aggression. Our protective devices. It is where we most play out our reactionary or passive styles. This is especially true in our familial and couple relationships This article is based on my upcoming book:  Relationship Intelligence: Choose Your Ideal Partner, Improve Your Relationship, Heal Your Family Relationships  which is an extension of Ch. 5 "Relationships" in my 1st book: Your Journey to Peace ... Our Couple Relationships What most of us look for in our intimate relationships is companionship, and for the other to love, help, and support us in life.  In our younger days, we may look for the right person to build a family with.  We may also look for a partner to offer us security. And from a human perspective, this is all fine. However, from a higher, spiritual perspective, the purpose of all our relationships is for soul growth: to connect more fully to our True Self - so that we can live life coming from a place of LOVE. In fact, all our interactions with others offer us opportunities to come from that place of love: to offer the qualities of love to others.  (See my post The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear. The link is also at the end. Because of the intimacy required, our relationships are the best vehicle to work through our unprocessed hurts and pains from our past. In our day-to-day life, any  Unconscious Influences we may hold, like neediness, defensiveness, or aggressive, controlling, or passive tendencies. naturally arise. It is unprocessed hurts and pains from our past that caused us to create these Unconscious Influences to protect our hearts and psyches. These, along with our individual personalities, differing ways of approaching life, and the various defensive and protective mechanisms we created to protect our hearts and psyches are what creates hurt feelings in us and conflicts with others. Our couple relationships also often hold expectations that cannot be met. And our communication skills are often weak. With presumed, unvoiced, or misunderstood expectations and poor communication we may get hurt feelings or react badly in frustration, and our unconscious, habitual responses rear their ugly head, and instead of coming from a place of love and understanding, we unknowingly invite conflict into our relationships. Our relationships are actually set up to trigger our Unconscious Influences - by others pushing our buttons. This is why our relationships are often so difficult! Unconscious Influence create havoc in our relationships. They cause us to navigate life from a place of fear, protectionism, defensiveness, and suspiciousness. We are overly sensitive and prone to blame to other for how we feel and for not understanding us. The emotional instability and feelings [...]

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/32023-10-10T20:51:00+00:00

Relationships: Partnering Up Consciously – Separating Consciously 2/3

2023-11-13T20:21:22+00:00

The more consciousness we bring to our dating, the better they turn out for us. The more consciousness we bring to our current relationships, the more easily they flourish. And the more evolved and conscious we become - aware of our wants, needs, and expectations - as well as any ways of being that may be detracting us from getting what we want from our dating or relationships, the more confident and empowered we become. Being more conscious allows us to more easily trust our hearts - that they are showing us a true picture when choosing a spouse or life-partner (or even friends or a business partner) - instead of one created from denial or neediness. Consciousness brings maturity to dating, and to relationships.  Read Part 1  Read Part 3   The more evolved and conscious we become, the less we will have to be wary of our unconscious influences (hurt feelings, neediness, aggressive or overly-passive reactions, etc.) luring us into hurtful or chaotic situations. Nor will we have to be so vigilant at continuously examining our emotions, desires, or motives. Neither will we have to be so cautious of others’ motives. When we bring consciousness and the maturity it holds to our dating and relationships, we are working at higher vibration capacities. Our radars become better attuned to the vibrations of others, and if something is off we will cue into it more easily. 🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸 This article is based on my upcoming book:  Relationship Intelligence: Choose Your Ideal Partner, Improve Your Relationship, Heal Your Family Relationships - due out Fall 2023 which is an extension of Ch. 5 "Relationships" in my 1st book: Your Journey to Peace ... To stay updated, Sign-up for my free monthly Newsletter   🔸🔸🔸🔸🔸 The more conscious we become, the greater our connection to our True Self, and the more we feel guided towards partners based on true soul parings where both can thrive ... ... where there is equality, acceptance, and forgiveness - instead confusion, hot then cold attitudes, jealousy, possessiveness, or flip flopping about where the dating or relationship will go. In conscious relationships, we encourage each other to be the best we can be. And because our strength and self-confidence comes from within, we are not invested in changing our partner or making them acquiesce to our desires. We also understand that our partner gets his or her strength and guidance from their True Self, and if that guidance is calling them to move on from the relationship we will not be so inclined towards drama, anger, revenge, or the plethora of negative responses breaking up has caused in the past. As we uncover and work through any unconscious influences (that show up as hurt feelings, and habitual, knee-jerk reactions) that affect how we think, react, and act, we will choose our partners, spouses, and life-partners more consciously. We will become stronger in ourselves and have more clarity. We will no longer be inclined to choose partners from a place [...]

Relationships: Partnering Up Consciously – Separating Consciously 2/32023-11-13T20:21:22+00:00

Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions

2021-04-16T20:13:26+00:00

When we have no true connection to the honesty of our feelings and the depths of the emotions they hold, we feel and react from unconscious influences that have no bearing upon current situations – rather than respond to what is presenting itself now. When our feelings and reactions are based on unconscious influences, they are ineffective at giving us satisfying results in the present; nor do they bring us ultimate peace and happiness. This post is from my upcoming book and Workshops: Overcome - Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, Impatience, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness (working title). About Book HERE It is also a companion post to Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions,” See HERE to access. Connecting the dots between what we are feeling and how we are reacting is scary stuff. It requires that we face our self. That we admit our vulnerabilities. Our fears. Our hurts. Our sensitivities. However, doing so helps us to understand why our dealings with others may leave us feeling hurt, frustrated, or disappointed, or that our automatic reactions do not produce the results we want. Further connecting the dots between our feelings and reactions – to their root causes helps us to overcome any hurt feelings or ineffective reactions or behaviors that do not give us satisfactory results. Overcoming Our Unconscious Influences - is what my upcoming book is about. About Book  here  When we are frustrated, get our feelings hurt, or we react in ineffective ways like becoming angry, are critical, or blame another for how we feel, it is usually because  ... we held expectations of them that were unmet we are disappointed in them, or in a situation they created, our neediness caused us to be extra sensitive, we allowed their bad reactions to affect our state of mind Whatever caused us to feel bad, they are all still our feelings. And we can do something about shifting them – and shift them we must!, Because it is in doing so that we begin to feel empowered and in control of our life. Understanding our feelings, and why we react in ineffective ways is empowering. Unmet Expectations: We often think others think like us, that their focus is where ours is, and that they place the same level of importance on the subject at hand that we do. People do not; nor can they read our mind. Many of our issues with others are the result of bad communication, ineffective communication, or a lack of communication. People don't usually want to make us feel bad or disappoint us; they simply don't realize they are doing so. They may feel and navigate life very differently we do. No matter our differences, we all want to feel good and have peace in our life. And this not only looks different to us all, but we all also go about seeking it in different ways. Being Disappointed: When promises are broken, or what we expect of another does [...]

Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions2021-04-16T20:13:26+00:00

The Cavern Between You and Others – Is In Direct Relationship Between You and You – 3/3

2021-04-01T00:29:47+00:00

In part 1, I discussed how the hurts or conflicts that arise in our relationships are mostly due to Unconscious Influences  – to habitual thought and reactionary patterns that run our lives. In part 2, I discussed how our habitual thought and reactionary responses often do not get us the results we are looking for, and how they can create hurt feelings in us, and conflicts in our relationships. In this part 3, I explain how neediness and passive responses also affect us, and I sum this 3 part article up by explaining how we can become aware of – and override any conditioned unconscious responses that may bring us initial satisfaction, but do not ultimately give us the results we want or the sense of peace, happiness, and harmonious relationships we yearn for. You can read  Part 1 HERE   Part 2 HERE  But before I continue, I'd just like to mention that the main takeaway from this series is basically that: Improving our connection to our True Self improves – and deepens our connection to others. They are intertwined.  Passive Responses: Passive responses come from feeling disempowered. Although passive responses may appear to be neutral, as there are no blatant outward signs, they are very different because passive responses hold an emotional component – just like aggressive ones. Sometimes the hurts, feelings, disappointments, or perceived injustices are not voiced at all, while at other times they are, but are tinged with so much emotion and/or neediness that the other individual turns a blind ear. In both cases, we are not heard. Either way, the emotions are internalized affecting both the individual and the relationship. These internalizations harm us because buried emotions add another layer to the cavern between “us and us,” and our connection to our True Self is further weakened. This article is based on my books, “Your Journey to Peace … ” and “Why We Are the Way We Are” both are available in print and e-book from Amazon. Link to About Books       Link to Amazon. Passive responses harm the relationship because as our true feelings are not voiced (or heard) we have not addressed the hurt or disappointment we feel, and we remain inwardly angry towards the other for not understanding or taking into consideration our feelings, or seeing our viewpoint. And if we are do try to make ourselves heard but are ineffective, before we approach the subject again, reflecting on our approach last time and possibly adjusting it could help us getting heard this time. We can ask ourselves: Are we being needy – only thinking about our needs and perspective? Are we negative – only focusing on what is wrong or may go wrong? Are we overly emotional – crying at any perceived slight or criticism? Could we be acting passive-aggressively – sighing or putting on a sad face rather than sharing our thoughts or feelings? Whether we elect these attitudes because we don’t like to speak our mind, are unable to articulate or [...]

The Cavern Between You and Others – Is In Direct Relationship Between You and You – 3/32021-04-01T00:29:47+00:00

The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear

2022-02-15T05:03:25+00:00

All thoughts, attitudes, and actions stem from either love or from fear. What we are feeling and how we are being has its basis either in love, or in fear. All unease and negative outward expressions are based on some sort of fear. From the highest perspective there is only love! Everything else stems from fear.  The underlying fears within us surface - one way or another - in the many negative or unproductive ways we deal with life. This concept is so hard to hear and even harder to believe. Our mind just cannot wrap itself around the idea that “I am angry because of a fear.” Of course, we think NO WAY! I am angry because he/she said/did this to me. However, if we peel back the layers of why we are angry, it boils down to some type of fear. (My Worksheet: Connecting the Dots can help us link what we are feeling or what is causing unwanted reactions - to a fear we may not be aware of.  A printout copy is available from my book). This blog article is based on concepts in my books:   About My Books   Why We Are the Way We Are; Your Journey to Peace ...   About My Books (You will also find information on this link for my 2 upcoming books: 1) Overcome Your Unconscious Influences, like Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness"  - due out early 2022."Relationship Intelligence ... " due out Spring 2022. To stay updated,  Sign-Up for my free monthly Newsletter ??? Our positive feelings and attitudes come from the love we feel within ourselves and from our being connected to our True Self and aligned with the love it embodies. Our negative thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and actions are based on fears amassed from the impressions and interpretations we have gathered from our life experiences now buried in our Emotional Bodies and played out through our Unconscious Influences. These fears need a voice and are usually released in dysfunctional ways as we project them out into the world. Below, Illustration 4 shows some of the aspects of love, and Illustration 5 shows some aspects of fear. Love All the joy and passion that we feel and the harmony that manifests in our lives, and all the other positive attitudes (many shown in illustration 3) stem from love. We are able to bring these about because we are connected to the spark that we emanated from. There is a memory of that spark within all of us, and it is easily accessible - as long as we have not erected roadblocks to squelch the connection. In positive, loving people, that connection can show up in either overt or covert ways, depending on their personalities. Even when the connection is stifled, as was in my case, it can still be accessed with external reminders. A baby’s smile, a spectacular sunset, the abandonment that arises in us from the exhilaration of an extreme sport, or the passion that [...]

The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear2022-02-15T05:03:25+00:00

The Indigenous ‘Secret of Enough’ – Part 1/2

2023-06-27T16:13:41+00:00

Even though there is still much need and poverty in the world, there is enough for all of us – to survive, to live with dignity, and even to thrive. We just have to use what our Planet has bequeathed to us wisely. Our ancient societies lived balanced lives. Our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives were in balance. And we understood the Concept of Enough.  Most native people worldwide, and other groups like the Mennonites, live off the land, free of most unnecessary material possessions. Links to 2 other associated blog posts are at the end I also offer a variety of Writing Services. The Indigenous peoples believe the earth will provide them with the basic necessities, and they take only what they really need to survive. Most still adhere to the concept of enough.  They love and revere the Planet and understand our deep connection to it. They appreciate that it nourishes us with water, air, and food: it supports us, and they understand that maintaining the purity of these is crucial. The Indigenous people around the world recognize the Planet as a gift from our Creator and that every molecule on it lives and breathes. Embedded in their histories is the belief that we are all its stewards. Throughout the world, most native peoples understand and maintain a reciprocal connection with Gaia. This connection is their spirituality. What is enough? Enough is different for everyone. Most of us in the Western world do want some luxuries and modern commodities and some of these can be supported by Mother Nature (if we are wise about it), but many of us have gone overboard. In The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight Thom Hartmann reminds us that our current society lives under the myth that “if some stuff will make you happy, then twice as much stuff will make you twice as happy, and ten times as much will make you ten times as happy, and so on, into infinity.” (1) This - and all my articles/blog posts are based on concepts in my book:  Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science.  And although greed has been around for eons, it has only recently extended to such abusive actions towards our Planet as to threaten her (and thereby our) very survival. Where did this current greed come from? In his essay, “The World of Wonder” in Spiritual Ecology, Thomas Berry explains that in North America this attitude of acquiring grew as a result of our lack of embracing or understanding the concept of “Earth-based spirituality” when we first came here from Europe. Barry reminds us that not only did the Indigenous people understand the relationship between heaven, earth, and its people, evidenced by their rituals and ceremonies to evoke the powers of the Universe/Mother Nature, most ancient cultures did as well. He also tells us that the pillars in India, China, Greece, Egypt, and Rome “were established to delineate a sacred center which provided a point of [...]

The Indigenous ‘Secret of Enough’ – Part 1/22023-06-27T16:13:41+00:00

I Have Loved

2021-09-16T20:06:01+00:00

All Love We Feel Comes from Within Us. If We have Ever Loved – Anybody or Anything, We Can Recreate those Loving Feelings. Whatever love we have ever felt – whether for a child, lover, family member, or a pet – or anything that evoked a sense of love within us like our home, a walk, our garden, art, music, the sunset, or the exhilaration of a sport – the feeling came from within us, even though it was activated by something outside of us. If we have ever felt a deep sense of contentment – this feeling also came from within us, even though it may have been activated by outside circumstances that caused us to feel satisfied. If We Have Ever Felt Love Activated by Externals, We Can Feel Love from Within Our Self Some people actually live life feeling love all the time. However, for most of us, it is triggered by someone, something, or from a fond memory. Still, knowing/remembering that we have loved – that we have the capacity to feel love is a great comfort. Lately, it has been for me. To keep emotionally above board throughout the pandemic I upped my meditations practices. And since I use mostly guided meditations (I’m simply too hyper to meditate quietly on my own; I need assistance to get me in a quiet state ?), I have discovered some new ones. One of these has been Louise Hay’s morning meditation, which focuses mainly on appreciation. About halfway through the 25 minutes, we are asked to spend a few minutes appreciating the people, things, and experiences we now have, or have had, in our life. Here is the link to Louise's meditation. (These blog posts are all based on my books. About My Books and purchase info is found here  (a list of my books is at the end) I am also a copywriter and offer writing services. About my Writing Services see here) Over time, my appreciation turned into remembering fondly; then it turned into really feeling the love for what I have, or have had – for people, things, and experiences in my life that brings or has brought me joy. At some point, I realized that I Have Really Loved – and have gotten pleasure from so much in my life. I LOVED having children – the fun of it all; I no longer remember any of the hard parts. I have loved my homes. I loved my dance classes, and I still love to dance. I love to paint. I have loved hopping on my bicycle at the end of the day and driving along the Lakeshore. Cooking for my family and hosting family/friend gatherings has always brought me great pleasure. I have loved all my gardens – creating them and enjoying them, and I now love my balcony and window boxes. I love waking up in the morning and looking out the window – whether rainy, cloudy, or sunny. Sitting in my solarium in [...]

I Have Loved2021-09-16T20:06:01+00:00

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause

2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

Negative or inappropriate reactions are the result of living on the surface level of our emotional world. We are either disconnected from our current emotions out of fear of what we may find, or we are unaware that Unconscious Influences - past emotional upsets or hurts are running our lives and causing us to feel bad or react badly. This post is a companion to my article Understanding the Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives Having no true connection to the honesty of our feelings and the depth of our emotions, we react from unconscious emotional states that have no bearing upon others or current situations - rather than respond to what is really happening. Connecting the dots between what we are feeling and how we are reacting can help us overcome negative, inappropriate,  and ineffective attitudes and behaviors. Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner - and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause ?Always take a few moments to center yourself, ask your Higher Self, God, Spirit - of any diety you adhere to join you in understanding -  and overcoming what is causing you difficulties. Write out your thoughts - and what comes to you regarding what you are trying to understand and/or heal about yourself and your communications with others.  Here are a few examples. You may see yourself here; if not, you'll get the idea. We are looking at the real causes of our upsets or issues with others - so that we can get to the root causes and gain more understandin- enabling us to shift to healthier ways of dealing with our feelings and reactions with others. Example # 1: I Get Hurt Feelings: He/she forgot. I feel he/she doesn’t love, value, or appreciate me. I don’t feel loved, valued, or appreciated. Connecting the Dots: (You may see yourself in some - or all of these) I feel hurt when others don't show me love, appreciation, or  meet my expectations (Were your expectations voiced,  or heard by the other?) I need love, appreciation, and validation from people (I feel frustrated and unloved when I don't get validated for my efforts or the love I give) Others haven’t always loved, valued, or appreciated me. ( the 1st Ah-ha moment that connects back to past feelings of being unloved or appreciated) The big Ah-ha moment: I recognize now that I am projecting the lack of love and validation that I felt in the past into present circumstances and am putting unfair expectations on those around me. As well as my personal development, self-help, and spiritual writing, I am also a copywriter and offer many types of writing services My Writing Services.  Example # 2: I am impatient and fly off the handle easily: I'm always busy and have lots to do. I don't have time for anything that delays my plans. I am impatient with people who are calm. It's not my fault - I just get caught up in things. Connecting the Dots: (You may [...]

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

The World Needs Our Gentle Touch – Part 3/3

2023-02-23T22:25:22+00:00

In Parts 1 and 2 I discussed why individuals need a gentle touch. We all come from a society that encouraged judgement, criticism, competition - and many other types of disempowering attitudes that caused us to contract from the love that we are at our core. Conflicts from what we experienced or witnessed in our life along with this disconnect from the love of our true self, we are all dealing with our emotional worlds as best as we can. This often plays out as dysfunctions and unloving attitudes and behaviors. This understanding helps us be kinder, gentler, and more compassionate with people who hurt us or act badly. ????? In this part 3, I discuss how Gaia, our planet, has not only been injured by the physical abuses we have put upon her; she has also been negatively affected by the emotional abuses we have put upon her. Gaia is a living, breathing organism. To help her hear, she too needs our gentleness. The Indigenous peoples know this. And just like with each other and with the animals who walk the earth, we have abused her, and so we need help her heal.     Read  Part 1    Read  Part 2 Our Home; Mother Earth In past times, we held a reciprocal relationship with Gaia. She gave to us through her bounty. We took and shared  her gifts – with gratitude, and we looked after her. The Indigenous peoples still adhere to this concept of reciprocity, and still believe in the premise of “enough.” Our planet has suffered physically through industrialization and our greed. We have been inconsiderate of her air, water, land, forests, and resources. We are now seeing the repercussions of many of the decisions made decades ago. Some of these we made unaware of the long-term consequences; others, we knew there would be consequences and either ignored or buried the research. We have gotten used to the many luxuries that we now consider our right – many of them attained at her expense. We have gone beyond the concept of “enough.” ????? All my Writing is based on my published and upcoming books: Cover Images Below About My  Books I also offer a variety of   Writing Services ????? Our planet has also suffered from the emotional abuses we have put upon her. All the unfairness, judgments, prejudices, hate, injustices, and cruelty we have directed towards each other, groups of people, like through genocides and wars, or even towards the animals have affected her. Because she is a living, breathing organism and it all happened within her boundaries, she too has suffered when those living upon her suffered. Gaia, Mother Earth, our beautiful planet has had to shrug off all of these physical and emotional abuses. And even though she is still in an evolutionary stage and some upheavals are normal, many of the recent turbulent weather patterns are because of her releasing this negative energy we have put upon her. She too requires our gentleness to help her [...]

The World Needs Our Gentle Touch – Part 3/32023-02-23T22:25:22+00:00

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021

2021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

When we come from a place of It's Not Me – It's You, we project our fears and feelings onto the other. Ultimately, we are all responsible for the feelings that arise in us. Projecting our feelings back at the other is an attempt to deflect owning our feelings. And rather than get angry, defensive, or blame the other – it is more productive to respond calmly.  When we come from a place of It's Not You – It's Me, we internalize how the other made us feel. We are also responsible for any feelings we internalize, bury, and hide from the other. And rather than allowing our emotions to stew and later erupt or morph into passive-aggressive attitudes or behaviors, it is more productive to speak up calmly – but confidently. Later, we can look to understand why we allow another to make us feel bad and how we allow them to treat us in the way they do. (Sign-Up  to receive my Free Monthly Newsletter where I cover a variety of subjects related to our personal development). ✍?As well as my Spiritual and Personal Development Writing, I am also a Copywriter/Digital Marketing and I offer Various Writing Services. My Writing Services Page ✍? Whether we project or internalize, we take personally what the other said, did, didn’t say, didn’t do, or how they reacted or didn’t react. Don’t take things personally is one of the four agreements from ...  My Recommended Book of the Month is The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. When People Disagree or One Feels Hurt, or Gets Disappointed or Disillusioned ?It's Both of Us: because when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from love. One is unaware that they are feeling bad because of their misalignment; the other is unaware that they are behaving in hurtful ways that stem from their misalignment. And ... ?It's Neither of Us: Our true reality is that we are love. However, we are disconnected from that love. So, when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from that love – unaware that they are simply feeling bad or acting out from that place of misalignment. With this understanding that It Is Both of Us – and – It Is Neither of Us – and knowing that each is unaware that they are feeling or reacting from this place of misalignment, it is easier to understand and forgive how the other is showing up. To shift from It's Not Me–It's You – or – It's Not You–It's Me” – to – “It’s Both – It’s Neither” we must … ? Come from a place of honesty and authenticity within ourselves ? Bring the qualities of love – calmness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, and harmony to the other. And to get there, it helps to … ? Remember that we are all somewhat misaligned from our true reality – from the love we are at our core ? Recognize that you cannot always feel love and [...]

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 20212021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

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