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Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/3

2022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Relationships are the vehicle that best allows us to work out our issues. Our pains and fears. Our neediness. Our aggression. Our protective devices. It is where we most play out our reactionary or passive styles. This is especially true in our familial and couple relationships This article is based on ch. 5 "Relationships" in Your Journey to Peace ... Our Couple Relationships What most of us look for in our intimate relationships is companionship, and for the other to love, help, and support us in life.  In our younger days, we may look for the right person to build a family with.  We may also look for a partner to offer us security. And from a human perspective, this is all fine. However, from a higher, spiritual perspective, the purpose of all our relationships is for soul growth: to connect more fully to our True Self - so that we can live life coming from a place of LOVE. In fact, all our interactions with others offer us opportunities to come from that place of love: to offer the qualities of love to others.  (See my post The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear. The link is also at the end. Because of the intimacy required, our relationships are the best vehicle to work through our unprocessed hurts and pains from our past. In our day-to-day life, any  Unconscious Influences we may hold, like neediness, defensiveness, or aggressive, controlling, or passive tendencies. naturally arise. It is unprocessed hurts and pains from our past that caused us to create these Unconscious Influences to protect our hearts and psyches. These, along with our individual personalities, differing ways of approaching life, and the various defensive and protective mechanisms we created to protect our hearts and psyches are what creates hurt feelings in us and conflicts with others. Our couple relationships also often hold expectations that cannot be met. And our communication skills are often weak. With presumed, unvoiced, or misunderstood expectations and poor communication we may get hurt feelings or react badly in frustration, and our unconscious, habitual responses rear their ugly head, and instead of coming from a place of love and understanding, we unknowingly invite conflict into our relationships. Our relationships are actually set up to trigger our Unconscious Influences - by others pushing our buttons. This is why our relationships are often so difficult! Unconscious Influence create havoc in our relationships. They cause us to navigate life from a place of fear, protectionism, defensiveness, and suspiciousness. We are overly sensitive and prone to blame to other for how we feel and for not understanding us. The emotional instability and feelings of disempowerment created from past unhealed wounds or conflicting messages we received about love, create ineffective, habitual patterns of negative reactions and behaviors that cause hurt feelings for us and conflicts with others. Our unaddressed wounds get triggered in our communications with others as we erroneously bring echoes of past hurts or fears into present issues or situations with others. However, our sensitivities are [...]

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/32022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

The Unfolding of Our Life Purpose

2022-02-15T05:10:07+00:00

From the highest perspective, our life purpose is to connect more fully to our True Self – to connect more fully to love. Connected to this love, we can feel love more deeply and can more easily express the Qualities of Love towards others and out into the world. Whether through a soul urging or we simply want to better ourselves, once we begin on our path to self-improvement we connect more fully to our True Self – and to the love it holds. We feel better, more peaceful, and become more empowered. We create more harmony around us. And our relationships improve. The Cavern between Us and Others Is in Direct Relationship  to the Cavern between Us and Our True Self  The path to bettering ourselves and becoming our Best Self is twofold” We must embrace what soothes and invigorates our soul – which allows the love within our hearts to grow. We must remove any blocks to the love that is held within our hearts. To soothe and invigorate our soul, we may start to meditate, do yoga, view, listen to, or partake in uplifting material, embrace what brings us joy, or spend time (or more time) in the comforting arms of nature, To remove the blocks to love, we must recognize, acknowledge, and address any Unconscious Influences that may be keeping us from accessing the love within. Connecting more deeply with love, we start to live life from a higher perspective. Our existence takes on more meaning, and our life purpose starts to unfold. Our ideas of how to live life start to shift. Being attuned to our True Self and keeping our minds open will allow us to hear what our soul is whispering to us and keep us open to new possibilities. And often, the path our life now takes and how our life purpose unfolds comes as a big surprise. Finding Our Life's Purposes Is Invigorating and Makes Us Feel Alive I spent most of my life having jobs to just get by or to keep myself sane from the perceived drudgery of being a housewife. As I moved along my journey to peace (the theme of all my writings) and started to let go of the Unconscious Influences that were holding me back from being my Best Self, my life purpose began to unfold. What I learned yearned for expression. And as I put pen to paper, words flowed out of me, and a new spark arose in me. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine myself writing a book – especially one of a spiritual/self-help nature. My first book, Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science, was born out of my personal journey to peace – and all I learned along the way While writing Your Journey to Peace …, I had periods of great excitement as I realized I could share what I have learned on my journey to peace – and possibly help [...]

The Unfolding of Our Life Purpose2022-02-15T05:10:07+00:00

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause

2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

Negative or inappropriate reactions are the result of living on the surface level of our emotional world. We are either disconnected from our current emotions out of fear of what we may find, or we are unaware that Unconscious Influences - past emotional upsets or hurts are running our lives and causing us to feel bad or react badly. This post is a companion to my article Understanding the Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives Having no true connection to the honesty of our feelings and the depth of our emotions, we react from unconscious emotional states that have no bearing upon others or current situations - rather than respond to what is really happening. Connecting the dots between what we are feeling and how we are reacting can help us overcome negative, inappropriate,  and ineffective attitudes and behaviors. Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner - and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause 🧡Always take a few moments to center yourself, ask your Higher Self, God, Spirit - of any diety you adhere to join you in understanding -  and overcoming what is causing you difficulties. Write out your thoughts - and what comes to you regarding what you are trying to understand and/or heal about yourself and your communications with others.  Here are a few examples. You may see yourself here; if not, you'll get the idea. We are looking at the real causes of our upsets or issues with others - so that we can get to the root causes and gain more understandin- enabling us to shift to healthier ways of dealing with our feelings and reactions with others. Example # 1: I Get Hurt Feelings: He/she forgot. I feel he/she doesn’t love, value, or appreciate me. I don’t feel loved, valued, or appreciated. Connecting the Dots: (You may see yourself in some - or all of these) I feel hurt when others don't show me love, appreciation, or  meet my expectations (Were your expectations voiced,  or heard by the other?) I need love, appreciation, and validation from people (I feel frustrated and unloved when I don't get validated for my efforts or the love I give) Others haven’t always loved, valued, or appreciated me. ( the 1st Ah-ha moment that connects back to past feelings of being unloved or appreciated) The big Ah-ha moment: I recognize now that I am projecting the lack of love and validation that I felt in the past into present circumstances and am putting unfair expectations on those around me. As well as my personal development, self-help, and spiritual writing, I am also a copywriter and offer many types of writing services My Writing Services.  Example # 2: I am impatient and fly off the handle easily: I'm always busy and have lots to do. I don't have time for anything that delays my plans. I am impatient with people who are calm. It's not my fault - I just get caught up in things. Connecting the Dots: (You may [...]

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021

2021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

When we come from a place of It's Not Me – It's You, we project our fears and feelings onto the other. Ultimately, we are all responsible for the feelings that arise in us. Projecting our feelings back at the other is an attempt to deflect owning our feelings. And rather than get angry, defensive, or blame the other – it is more productive to respond calmly.  When we come from a place of It's Not You – It's Me, we internalize how the other made us feel. We are also responsible for any feelings we internalize, bury, and hide from the other. And rather than allowing our emotions to stew and later erupt or morph into passive-aggressive attitudes or behaviors, it is more productive to speak up calmly – but confidently. Later, we can look to understand why we allow another to make us feel bad and how we allow them to treat us in the way they do. (Sign-Up  to receive my Free Monthly Newsletter where I cover a variety of subjects related to our personal development). ✍🏼As well as my Spiritual and Personal Development Writing, I am also a Copywriter/Digital Marketing and I offer Various Writing Services. My Writing Services Page ✍🏼 Whether we project or internalize, we take personally what the other said, did, didn’t say, didn’t do, or how they reacted or didn’t react. Don’t take things personally is one of the four agreements from ...  My Recommended Book of the Month is The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. When People Disagree or One Feels Hurt, or Gets Disappointed or Disillusioned 🔹It's Both of Us: because when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from love. One is unaware that they are feeling bad because of their misalignment; the other is unaware that they are behaving in hurtful ways that stem from their misalignment. And ... 🔹It's Neither of Us: Our true reality is that we are love. However, we are disconnected from that love. So, when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from that love – unaware that they are simply feeling bad or acting out from that place of misalignment. With this understanding that It Is Both of Us – and – It Is Neither of Us – and knowing that each is unaware that they are feeling or reacting from this place of misalignment, it is easier to understand and forgive how the other is showing up. To shift from It's Not Me–It's You – or – It's Not You–It's Me” – to – “It’s Both – It’s Neither” we must … 🔹 Come from a place of honesty and authenticity within ourselves 🔹 Bring the qualities of love – calmness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, and harmony to the other. And to get there, it helps to … 🔹 Remember that we are all somewhat misaligned from our true reality – from the love we are at our core 🔹 Recognize that you cannot always feel love and [...]

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 20212021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

Staying Calm, Keeping Balanced, Allowing for Reflection

2021-11-05T12:48:49+00:00

As we start to get back into the swing of Fall activities (at least those of us in the Northern hemisphere are), let us remember to not get so caught up in all the various commitments and/or responsibilities that come along with this time of the year that may cause us to become stressed and overly busy. And although we have missed out on many of the fun things we were used to doing, many of us have also enjoyed the slowing down –and used the time to rejuvenate our mind, body, and soul.  And if you feel bored or listless, remember how uplifting feeling relaxed and "just being" is. "Just being" offers our mind, body, and soul the energetic space to recalibrate - without us even being aware of it. And it puts us in a state where we can reflect. Modern life has often led us to ignore the reflective and feeling parts of ourselves. Our forced slowdowns this past year and a half have given us more time than usual to be calmer, more reflective, and opportunities to "just be." Links to 3 companion posts are at the end. To be happy and feel good we need to attend to our body, mind, emotions, and spiritual connection – and it is the subtler parts of ourselves that nurture these. The subtler parts of ourselves are more in tune with love – with a connection to our True Selves – to others – and everything around us. They are more based on our true reality. Being in tune with love and connected to our true reality, we navigate life adhering to love's qualities: kindness, sharing, compassion, acceptance, equality, unity, etc. We feel empowered – not in a striving for power way (based on a false strength) but from a place of inner strength (based on our true reality). This allows us to embrace the concept of me-and-you.  Humanity’s history has been based on false realities. Of separate motivations grounded in fear, greed, competition – on me-against-you. Fighting for our survival became paramount in our existence. We were reactive, rather than responsive. Although today most of us do not have to fight for our physical survival, we have maintained the competitiveness and reactive states of that survival mode. This, along with the disconnect from our True Self, has created stress and uneasiness in our beings. This has translated into the business and getting ahead ways of navigating life that has become the norm for many of us. The reactive way of navigating life that we inherited from past generations causes us to aggressively approach situations  – often bringing in past issues or being influenced by unaddressed emotions from our past – rather than responding calmly and only addressing what is currently happening. Our business, competitiveness, focus on getting ahead, and our reactive states have left no room to connect to our subtler and reflective natures – that are so important to our sense of well-being. This article/blog post is based [...]

Staying Calm, Keeping Balanced, Allowing for Reflection2021-11-05T12:48:49+00:00

Moving From “Its Not Ok” to “I’m at Peace With This” – Newsletter September 2021

2021-11-02T18:36:27+00:00

Our ultimate purpose is to return to love.*  And as we start to see others and life through the eyes of love, we can  … 🔸Overcome – and effectively deal with our issues and challenging situations 🔸No longer focus the differences we hold with others, 🔸Make peace with situations around us we disagree with. *A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson, was one of the first books that opened my eyes to the depths that we can perceive others – and situations through the eyes of love. We emerged from love. We were created out of love. We ARE love. And our purpose is to return to love. Our world is a classroom in that journey back to fully embracing love – in all its forms – with everyone, everything, and all situations. 🔸🔸🔸 My passion is writing in the personal development and spirituality genres. I am also a copywriter and offer various writing services to businesses and personal development and spiritual communities.  My Writing Services Page Whether the Garden of Eden was real or metaphoric, it is clear that we once had a connection to unconditional love, but at some point, we lost it. Over time, Humanity's ways of dealing with others and life shifted to fear-based. We inherited fear-based concepts, ideas, perceptions, reactions, and habits from our past. These became ingrained in our DNA and developed into our current default ways of navigating the world. Many qualities encompass us feeling and showing love, and there are many qualities we express when we come from a place of fear. See my post: the Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear  (The links to all my related blog posts are also at the end). Fear-based ways of approaching life limit our connection to – and outward expressions of unconditional love. Coming from this constricted place, we may be reactive or emotionally distant, hurting those around us.  When hurt, our default may be that we become defensive and over-reactive, or we become protective of our hearts and shut down. Coming from a place of love we exude light.  Coming from a place of fear we exude darkness.                  The Masters came to lead us out of the "darkness" or "our sleeping state, but we were too stuck in our ways to understand or embrace their messages – at least enough for them to become the norm. It is now time for Humanity to come out of the darkness into the light: To awaken to embracing the love we are at our core and extend that love to others. Moving Beyond How Humanity Has Navigated the World Influenced by what we have been taught and shown, people are only ever doing what they think they need to do to feel good or safe, or do what they think is best, right, good, or necessary. We are all on different legs of our Journey to Peace (my 1st book😊) to coming out of the darkness and awakening to seeing [...]

Moving From “Its Not Ok” to “I’m at Peace With This” – Newsletter September 20212021-11-02T18:36:27+00:00

Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions

2021-04-16T20:13:26+00:00

When we have no true connection to the honesty of our feelings and the depths of the emotions they hold, we feel and react from unconscious influences that have no bearing upon current situations – rather than respond to what is presenting itself now. When our feelings and reactions are based on unconscious influences, they are ineffective at giving us satisfying results in the present; nor do they bring us ultimate peace and happiness. This post is from my upcoming book and Workshops: Overcome - Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, Impatience, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness (working title). About Book HERE It is also a companion post to Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions,” See HERE to access. Connecting the dots between what we are feeling and how we are reacting is scary stuff. It requires that we face our self. That we admit our vulnerabilities. Our fears. Our hurts. Our sensitivities. However, doing so helps us to understand why our dealings with others may leave us feeling hurt, frustrated, or disappointed, or that our automatic reactions do not produce the results we want. Further connecting the dots between our feelings and reactions – to their root causes helps us to overcome any hurt feelings or ineffective reactions or behaviors that do not give us satisfactory results. Overcoming Our Unconscious Influences - is what my upcoming book is about. About Book  here  When we are frustrated, get our feelings hurt, or we react in ineffective ways like becoming angry, are critical, or blame another for how we feel, it is usually because  ... we held expectations of them that were unmet we are disappointed in them, or in a situation they created, our neediness caused us to be extra sensitive, we allowed their bad reactions to affect our state of mind Whatever caused us to feel bad, they are all still our feelings. And we can do something about shifting them – and shift them we must!, Because it is in doing so that we begin to feel empowered and in control of our life. Understanding our feelings, and why we react in ineffective ways is empowering. Unmet Expectations: We often think others think like us, that their focus is where ours is, and that they place the same level of importance on the subject at hand that we do. People do not; nor can they read our mind. Many of our issues with others are the result of bad communication, ineffective communication, or a lack of communication. People don't usually want to make us feel bad or disappoint us; they simply don't realize they are doing so. They may feel and navigate life very differently we do. No matter our differences, we all want to feel good and have peace in our life. And this not only looks different to us all, but we all also go about seeking it in different ways. Being Disappointed: When promises are broken, or what we expect of another does [...]

Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions2021-04-16T20:13:26+00:00

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to Our Feelings, Emotions and Reactions

2021-06-10T19:10:53+00:00

This is a companion post to “Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions,” See HERE to access. Always start with a small two-minute meditation/prayer/attunement. Invite in your Best Self, True Self, Higher Self, Spirit, Holy Spirit, Buddha, Jesus, or any other deity to join with you as you aim for self-understanding. This ensures we do so only for our highest good. When we feel hurt, or are angry or frustrated with another(s), it is our feelings of anger. So, we must address or deal with it. We either turn these inwards and allow the feelings to fester, or we project them outwards toward others, either way, both hurt us in the long run. You can use this worksheet for when you: 1) feel hurt or bad in any way in your dealings with another,    or 2) when you react to people in ways that create conflict, or do not get you the results you want. Acknowledging and putting words to our feelings and reactions helps get to the crux of the matter – so we can effectively deal with it. You can use the few examples I give below as guidance or inspiration for your own self-understanding. Get paper and pen and try to pinpoint — with words how you felt: hurt, angry, frustrated, less than, etc., and/or how with another you reacted badly or in an ineffective way. We can only ever work on our part of any issue.  Below,  we will name the feelings and/or reactions that may be keeping us from feeling happy and peaceful, and from allowing for harmonious relationships. Later, we can connect the dots to the reason behind our feelings and reactions. Eg 1: Ways I May Feel Hurt or Frustrated: He/she forgot. He/she disappointed me – again. I feel hurt when others don’t keep their promises to me. I feel hurt when others don’t show appreciation for my efforts. I feel frustrated others don't meet my expectations. I get frustrated when he/she/they don’t listen to me. I feel hurt when he/she ignores my wants, desires, opinions. I feel hurt when he/she/they don’t say or show that they value, appreciate, or respect me. I feel less than when he/she yells at me, is impatient with me, or treats me badly. Fill in your own. Use the person’s name, and give a specific circumstance. Eg. 2: When I May React Badly or Ineffectively You can use any of the examples from above; here are a few others that focus more on not getting enough or proper help from another that may cause us to react badly or aggressively.   He/she doesn’t listen to me. I don’t get enough help. I have to do everything. I don’t feel appreciated for all I do. There is never enough time for all there is to do. When I ask for help, they won’t help, or they don’t do it right. Fill in your own. Use the person’s name, and give a specific circumstance. Copyright © Rosemary McCarthy, Sept 25, 2020, [...]

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to Our Feelings, Emotions and Reactions2021-06-10T19:10:53+00:00

Loving – Instead of Missing What Was

2020-12-24T23:25:25+00:00

As the Seasonal Holidays will be so different this year, and we will surely not have all the celebrations we are so used to and hold so dear, I felt is appropriate to repost part of a previous message from my April Newsletter. Human contact and regular get-togethers with family and friends are so important to our sense of well-being. However, Even when missing our loved ones or longing to spend time with good friends, there are ways to help waylay the sadness, keep our spirits up, and our connection to them alive in us. Life is ever-changing. With its the ebbs and flows, things and people come into our life, and go out of our life. Circumstances change. It is human nature to miss what was – especially what we loved and were comfortable with. However, it is more helpful to us that we love what was, rather than miss what was. Remembering what was with love creates loving feelings within us. Loving feelings dispel sadness, longing, and loneliness. They create expansion in our being. When we live from an expanded place, we are connected to Universal love. Connected to Universal love, we more easily find contentment and happiness with whatever we are doing. Appreciation for what is. Our sense of belonging comes mainly from this connection; not so much from others or circumstances. Missing what was creates negative feelings within us. Our consciousness reads missing as lack. As despair – void of love, hope, and appreciation. This creates contraction in our being. When we live from a contracted place, we rely mainly on our human emotions for our contentment and happiness, where sadness, longing, and loneliness can easily thrive. Move to Loving What Was – from Missing What Was. To move to LOVING – from missing what was, we simply remember what we miss lovingly. We do this by: Bring into your heart the feeling of what you miss created within Revel in the feeling. Hugging yourself – or a pillow help to create the feeling. Smile about it. Write about it. Bring to mind the details. The sights. The sounds. The smells. Dig out old pictures and lovingly gaze at them, embrace them, and hold them to your heart. Do, or bring to mind, whatever creates that positive and loving feeling you remember about what you miss. The more we connect to the feeling what we miss created in us, the more the nice, loving feelings associated with it become alive in us, and the less we actually miss them. Although loving what was will not bring us physical hugs, we can still summon up some of that warm and fuzzy feeling getting a big hug from a loved one brings us. I wish you health, safety, ease in getting all you need, and some connection with loved ones throughout this challenging time. However you spend this holiday season, I wish you a blessed time – hopefully with some nice treats, good food, and at least a call [...]

Loving – Instead of Missing What Was2020-12-24T23:25:25+00:00

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