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Relationship Intelligence

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/3

2022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Relationships are the vehicle that best allows us to work out our issues. Our pains and fears. Our neediness. Our aggression. Our protective devices. It is where we most play out our reactionary or passive styles. This is especially true in our familial and couple relationships This article is based on ch. 5 "Relationships" in Your Journey to Peace ... Our Couple Relationships What most of us look for in our intimate relationships is companionship, and for the other to love, help, and support us in life.  In our younger days, we may look for the right person to build a family with.  We may also look for a partner to offer us security. And from a human perspective, this is all fine. However, from a higher, spiritual perspective, the purpose of all our relationships is for soul growth: to connect more fully to our True Self - so that we can live life coming from a place of LOVE. In fact, all our interactions with others offer us opportunities to come from that place of love: to offer the qualities of love to others.  (See my post The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear. The link is also at the end. Because of the intimacy required, our relationships are the best vehicle to work through our unprocessed hurts and pains from our past. In our day-to-day life, any  Unconscious Influences we may hold, like neediness, defensiveness, or aggressive, controlling, or passive tendencies. naturally arise. It is unprocessed hurts and pains from our past that caused us to create these Unconscious Influences to protect our hearts and psyches. These, along with our individual personalities, differing ways of approaching life, and the various defensive and protective mechanisms we created to protect our hearts and psyches are what creates hurt feelings in us and conflicts with others. Our couple relationships also often hold expectations that cannot be met. And our communication skills are often weak. With presumed, unvoiced, or misunderstood expectations and poor communication we may get hurt feelings or react badly in frustration, and our unconscious, habitual responses rear their ugly head, and instead of coming from a place of love and understanding, we unknowingly invite conflict into our relationships. Our relationships are actually set up to trigger our Unconscious Influences - by others pushing our buttons. This is why our relationships are often so difficult! Unconscious Influence create havoc in our relationships. They cause us to navigate life from a place of fear, protectionism, defensiveness, and suspiciousness. We are overly sensitive and prone to blame to other for how we feel and for not understanding us. The emotional instability and feelings of disempowerment created from past unhealed wounds or conflicting messages we received about love, create ineffective, habitual patterns of negative reactions and behaviors that cause hurt feelings for us and conflicts with others. Our unaddressed wounds get triggered in our communications with others as we erroneously bring echoes of past hurts or fears into present issues or situations with others. However, our sensitivities are [...]

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/32022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

What Would Love Do?

2022-08-01T02:25:50+00:00

What Would Love Do? is a concept I came across when studying A Course in Miracles. We can ask What Would Love Do? regarding ourselves, others, and situations. Our responses to what happens to us, to situations with others, or to issues that crop up are what dictate how we will feel once whatever is happening is past. 💚 If we come from a place of love – and express love’s qualities (understanding, compassion, etc., there is a link below to my post on Love's Qualities) we will feel better. Calmer. And we will be able to deal with anything that needs our attention with more clarity. We will get on our day feeling light. 💚 If we allow our mind to focus on the negativity of it all:  he/she did – didn’t do xyz, it’s not fair, or this should not have happened and anger or frustration take over, or we resort to judgment, blame, or revenge - or any type of aggression we will carry the dense energy of this with us throughout the day. We are only ever coming from a place of Love, or a place of Fear. Read my related post, the Qualities of Love / the Qualities of  Fear.  If we want to better ourselves - or to feel better, we must approach life differently than we were. In my past and before I started doing personal development work (I didn't even know that term). I just wanted to find peace in my life. A feeling had started to grow in me that there was something wrong with the picture of my life -  of how I was navigating life. That it was not others - but me - who were causing my unhappiness and frustrations.  Not me-me - but that somehow I was missing the mark. And so, my journey to peace (the name and themes of my books) began. Slowly, I began to realize that my frustrations and what I was feeling were not about the others - what they were or weren't doing. It was all coming from within me. I learned that my perceptions of others and situations were incorrect - and that I brought past hurts, feelings, biases, and beliefs into present situations.   From these echoes of the past and their beliefs and biases, I created protection mechanisms, and default ways of responding to life followed. I call these Our Unconscious Influences (see below for info on my upcoming book 2, Overcome Your Unconscious Influences ... in my "Our Journeys to Peace' Series). Based on what I experienced or witnessed when growing up, I started to understand that I projected my fears of what was or what might happen onto the present.  I allowed actions and innocent remarks to echo in my mind as proof that I would be criticized, wronged, stepped-on, and/or disempowered - just like my mother and many women of the 50's generation were. All my Articles / Blog Posts are based on my books. About My [...]

What Would Love Do?2022-08-01T02:25:50+00:00

The Unfolding of Our Life Purpose

2022-02-15T05:10:07+00:00

From the highest perspective, our life purpose is to connect more fully to our True Self – to connect more fully to love. Connected to this love, we can feel love more deeply and can more easily express the Qualities of Love towards others and out into the world. Whether through a soul urging or we simply want to better ourselves, once we begin on our path to self-improvement we connect more fully to our True Self – and to the love it holds. We feel better, more peaceful, and become more empowered. We create more harmony around us. And our relationships improve. The Cavern between Us and Others Is in Direct Relationship  to the Cavern between Us and Our True Self  The path to bettering ourselves and becoming our Best Self is twofold” We must embrace what soothes and invigorates our soul – which allows the love within our hearts to grow. We must remove any blocks to the love that is held within our hearts. To soothe and invigorate our soul, we may start to meditate, do yoga, view, listen to, or partake in uplifting material, embrace what brings us joy, or spend time (or more time) in the comforting arms of nature, To remove the blocks to love, we must recognize, acknowledge, and address any Unconscious Influences that may be keeping us from accessing the love within. Connecting more deeply with love, we start to live life from a higher perspective. Our existence takes on more meaning, and our life purpose starts to unfold. Our ideas of how to live life start to shift. Being attuned to our True Self and keeping our minds open will allow us to hear what our soul is whispering to us and keep us open to new possibilities. And often, the path our life now takes and how our life purpose unfolds comes as a big surprise. Finding Our Life's Purposes Is Invigorating and Makes Us Feel Alive I spent most of my life having jobs to just get by or to keep myself sane from the perceived drudgery of being a housewife. As I moved along my journey to peace (the theme of all my writings) and started to let go of the Unconscious Influences that were holding me back from being my Best Self, my life purpose began to unfold. What I learned yearned for expression. And as I put pen to paper, words flowed out of me, and a new spark arose in me. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine myself writing a book – especially one of a spiritual/self-help nature. My first book, Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science, was born out of my personal journey to peace – and all I learned along the way While writing Your Journey to Peace …, I had periods of great excitement as I realized I could share what I have learned on my journey to peace – and possibly help [...]

The Unfolding of Our Life Purpose2022-02-15T05:10:07+00:00

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021

2021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

When we come from a place of It's Not Me – It's You, we project our fears and feelings onto the other. Ultimately, we are all responsible for the feelings that arise in us. Projecting our feelings back at the other is an attempt to deflect owning our feelings. And rather than get angry, defensive, or blame the other – it is more productive to respond calmly.  When we come from a place of It's Not You – It's Me, we internalize how the other made us feel. We are also responsible for any feelings we internalize, bury, and hide from the other. And rather than allowing our emotions to stew and later erupt or morph into passive-aggressive attitudes or behaviors, it is more productive to speak up calmly – but confidently. Later, we can look to understand why we allow another to make us feel bad and how we allow them to treat us in the way they do. (Sign-Up  to receive my Free Monthly Newsletter where I cover a variety of subjects related to our personal development). ✍🏼As well as my Spiritual and Personal Development Writing, I am also a Copywriter/Digital Marketing and I offer Various Writing Services. My Writing Services Page ✍🏼 Whether we project or internalize, we take personally what the other said, did, didn’t say, didn’t do, or how they reacted or didn’t react. Don’t take things personally is one of the four agreements from ...  My Recommended Book of the Month is The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. When People Disagree or One Feels Hurt, or Gets Disappointed or Disillusioned 🔹It's Both of Us: because when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from love. One is unaware that they are feeling bad because of their misalignment; the other is unaware that they are behaving in hurtful ways that stem from their misalignment. And ... 🔹It's Neither of Us: Our true reality is that we are love. However, we are disconnected from that love. So, when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from that love – unaware that they are simply feeling bad or acting out from that place of misalignment. With this understanding that It Is Both of Us – and – It Is Neither of Us – and knowing that each is unaware that they are feeling or reacting from this place of misalignment, it is easier to understand and forgive how the other is showing up. To shift from It's Not Me–It's You – or – It's Not You–It's Me” – to – “It’s Both – It’s Neither” we must … 🔹 Come from a place of honesty and authenticity within ourselves 🔹 Bring the qualities of love – calmness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, and harmony to the other. And to get there, it helps to … 🔹 Remember that we are all somewhat misaligned from our true reality – from the love we are at our core 🔹 Recognize that you cannot always feel love and [...]

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 20212021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

Relationships: Partnering Up Consciously – Separating Consciously 2/3

2022-09-14T00:18:39+00:00

The more consciousness we bring to our dating, the better they turn out for us.  The more consciousness we bring to our current relationships, the more easily they flourish. And the more evolved and conscious we become - aware of our wants, needs, and expectations - as well as any ways of being that may be detracting us from getting what we want from our dating or relationships, the more confident and empowered we become. Being more conscious allows us to more easily trust our hearts - that they are showing us a true picture when choosing a spouse or life partner (or even friends or a business partner) - instead of one created from denial or neediness. Consciousness brings maturity to dating, and to relationships. Read Part 1     Part 3 The more evolved and conscious we become, the less we will have to be wary of our unconscious influences (hurt feelings, neediness, aggressive or overly-passive reactions, etc.) luring us into hurtful or chaotic situations. Nor will we have to be so vigilant at continuously examining our emotions, desires, or motives. Neither will we have to be so cautious of others’ motives. When we bring consciousness and the maturity it holds to our dating and relationships, we are be working at higher vibration capacities. Our radars become better attuned to the vibrations of others, and if something is off we will cue into it more easily. This article is based on  Ch 5, “Relationships” in my book, Your Journey to Peace …  and will be expanded upon in Relationship Intelligence;  Choose Your Ideal Partner, Improve Your Couple Relationship, Heal Your Family Relationships - Spring 2022.     About My Books  To stay updated, Sign-up for my free monthly publication 🔸 🔸 🔸 🔸🔸 My passion writing is in personal development, and spirituality genres, and   I am also a copywriter and offer various writing services to businesses and personal development and spiritual communities.  My Writing Services Page The more conscious we become, the greater our connection to our True Self, and the more we feel guided towards partners based on true soul pairings where both can thrive. Where there is equality, acceptance, and forgiveness - instead of confusion, hot then cold attitudes, jealousy, possessiveness, or flip-flopping about where the dating or relationship will go. In conscious relationships, we encourage each other to be the best we can be. And because our strength and self-confidence come from within, we are not invested in changing our partners or making them acquiesce to our desires. We also understand that our partner gets his or her strength and guidance from their True Self, and if that guidance is calling them to move on from the relationship we will not be so inclined towards drama, anger, revenge, or the plethora of negative responses breaking up has caused in the past. As we uncover and work through unconscious influences that affect how we think, react, and act, we will choose our partners, spouses, and life partners more consciously. We will become stronger in [...]

Relationships: Partnering Up Consciously – Separating Consciously 2/32022-09-14T00:18:39+00:00

Moving From “Its Not Ok” to “I’m at Peace With This” – Newsletter September 2021

2021-11-02T18:36:27+00:00

Our ultimate purpose is to return to love.*  And as we start to see others and life through the eyes of love, we can  … 🔸Overcome – and effectively deal with our issues and challenging situations 🔸No longer focus the differences we hold with others, 🔸Make peace with situations around us we disagree with. *A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson, was one of the first books that opened my eyes to the depths that we can perceive others – and situations through the eyes of love. We emerged from love. We were created out of love. We ARE love. And our purpose is to return to love. Our world is a classroom in that journey back to fully embracing love – in all its forms – with everyone, everything, and all situations. 🔸🔸🔸 My passion is writing in the personal development and spirituality genres. I am also a copywriter and offer various writing services to businesses and personal development and spiritual communities.  My Writing Services Page Whether the Garden of Eden was real or metaphoric, it is clear that we once had a connection to unconditional love, but at some point, we lost it. Over time, Humanity's ways of dealing with others and life shifted to fear-based. We inherited fear-based concepts, ideas, perceptions, reactions, and habits from our past. These became ingrained in our DNA and developed into our current default ways of navigating the world. Many qualities encompass us feeling and showing love, and there are many qualities we express when we come from a place of fear. See my post: the Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear  (The links to all my related blog posts are also at the end). Fear-based ways of approaching life limit our connection to – and outward expressions of unconditional love. Coming from this constricted place, we may be reactive or emotionally distant, hurting those around us.  When hurt, our default may be that we become defensive and over-reactive, or we become protective of our hearts and shut down. Coming from a place of love we exude light.  Coming from a place of fear we exude darkness.                  The Masters came to lead us out of the "darkness" or "our sleeping state, but we were too stuck in our ways to understand or embrace their messages – at least enough for them to become the norm. It is now time for Humanity to come out of the darkness into the light: To awaken to embracing the love we are at our core and extend that love to others. Moving Beyond How Humanity Has Navigated the World Influenced by what we have been taught and shown, people are only ever doing what they think they need to do to feel good or safe, or do what they think is best, right, good, or necessary. We are all on different legs of our Journey to Peace (my 1st book😊) to coming out of the darkness and awakening to seeing [...]

Moving From “Its Not Ok” to “I’m at Peace With This” – Newsletter September 20212021-11-02T18:36:27+00:00

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