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Relationships

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/3

2022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Relationships are the vehicle that best allows us to work out our issues. Our pains and fears. Our neediness. Our aggression. Our protective devices. It is where we most play out our reactionary or passive styles. This is especially true in our familial and couple relationships This article is based on ch. 5 "Relationships" in Your Journey to Peace ... Our Couple Relationships What most of us look for in our intimate relationships is companionship, and for the other to love, help, and support us in life.  In our younger days, we may look for the right person to build a family with.  We may also look for a partner to offer us security. And from a human perspective, this is all fine. However, from a higher, spiritual perspective, the purpose of all our relationships is for soul growth: to connect more fully to our True Self - so that we can live life coming from a place of LOVE. In fact, all our interactions with others offer us opportunities to come from that place of love: to offer the qualities of love to others.  (See my post The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear. The link is also at the end. Because of the intimacy required, our relationships are the best vehicle to work through our unprocessed hurts and pains from our past. In our day-to-day life, any  Unconscious Influences we may hold, like neediness, defensiveness, or aggressive, controlling, or passive tendencies. naturally arise. It is unprocessed hurts and pains from our past that caused us to create these Unconscious Influences to protect our hearts and psyches. These, along with our individual personalities, differing ways of approaching life, and the various defensive and protective mechanisms we created to protect our hearts and psyches are what creates hurt feelings in us and conflicts with others. Our couple relationships also often hold expectations that cannot be met. And our communication skills are often weak. With presumed, unvoiced, or misunderstood expectations and poor communication we may get hurt feelings or react badly in frustration, and our unconscious, habitual responses rear their ugly head, and instead of coming from a place of love and understanding, we unknowingly invite conflict into our relationships. Our relationships are actually set up to trigger our Unconscious Influences - by others pushing our buttons. This is why our relationships are often so difficult! Unconscious Influence create havoc in our relationships. They cause us to navigate life from a place of fear, protectionism, defensiveness, and suspiciousness. We are overly sensitive and prone to blame to other for how we feel and for not understanding us. The emotional instability and feelings of disempowerment created from past unhealed wounds or conflicting messages we received about love, create ineffective, habitual patterns of negative reactions and behaviors that cause hurt feelings for us and conflicts with others. Our unaddressed wounds get triggered in our communications with others as we erroneously bring echoes of past hurts or fears into present issues or situations with others. However, our sensitivities are [...]

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/32022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Understanding Our Emotional Links With Others

2020-11-11T13:47:09+00:00

There is an invisible link between everyone we have an emotional connection with. This is such a wonderful thing – especially these days, as more than ever we are drawing on established links with our friends and loved ones so that we can stay connected in this time of forced alienation. Our emotions have a drawing power. Our thoughts have a drawing power. They both draw others to us emotionally. The closer we are to another emotionally, the stronger the link. The more we engage emotionally with someone, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and the ins and outs of our life, the more we anchor in that emotional connection. And as we continue to share with one another in the upcoming months, we will further strengthen our emotional links. We don’t necessarily have to engage with another to strengthen our connection to them. Going over past events or emotional experiences with them in our mind – be they good or bad, strengthens our emotional link to the other. So does simply thinking about them. Depending on what we are thinking about and the health of the relationship, this may be good for us, or emotionally bad for us. They may feel it, or they may not. Below is a little practice "Cutting an Emotional Link with Another" to use if we are having trouble doing so on our own. This blog article is based on my books - published and upc0ming  Your Journey to Peace ... (2016) Why We Are the Way We Are (2018) Overcoming: Anger, Frustrations,  Hurt Feelings, ,Neediness, Blaming Others for Our Unhappiness (Dec 2020) Relationships in an Evolving World (March 2020) About My Books here    To stay Updated, Sign-up for my Newsletter  here The stronger the emotional link is between two people the more easily we can draw the other in and affect them emotionally. How this all plays out depends on our innate natures, our attitudes, and how we view and navigate life. Some people are emotional by nature: they live through their feelings, and easily express them. They can sometimes pick up on others feelings and emotions. Others are less emotional: they may feel, but do not express their emotions easily or regularly. They are less likely to pick up on others feelings or emotions. Some of us thrive on closeness: we need to share our feelings, emotions, and what is happening in our life with those close to us. Others of us keep things to our self: we have no need to share our inner world with others, nor do we feel the need to tell others what is going on in our life. Many people are positive and light-hearted: they feel positive, their outlook on life is light and positive, they aim to feel good - and they make those around them feel good. Others are stuck in negativity they are heavy-hearted: they have a negative and/or dark outlook on life and issues, may regularly focus on the dramas of life, and making [...]

Understanding Our Emotional Links With Others2020-11-11T13:47:09+00:00

Healing Ourselves Helps Heal Others, and Our Ancestral Lineages

2022-01-21T13:42:40+00:00

Individuals and Humanity are at a point where we can no longer brush things under the rug. It is our time to lift the rug – to reveal what was buried and hidden – so that we can heal anything that is not of love – and ensure that everyone feels empowered and in control of their life and destiny. As Individuals 🌞The impetus to look beyond our feelings, attitudes, and behaviors is upon us – so that we can heal the wounds that cause(d) bad, ineffective, inappropriate, or hurtful attitudes and behaviors. 🌞We are learning the importance of – and the necessity to – stand up for ourselves: for our freedoms, beliefs, and right to live life as our hearts and souls call us to. As a Collective 🌞We are being forced to look at the inequalities, injustices, and cruelty we have – and still do – put upon the poorer, marginalized, and disempowered individuals and groups, and … 🌞We are called to make restitution. 🌞🌞🌞 All my writing is based on themes from my books: Your Journey to Peace …,  and Why We Are the Way We Are, See below for info on my upcoming books, Overcome Your Unconscious Influences…, and Relationship Intelligence … As well as my spiritual/personal development writing, I also offer Writing Services see My Writing Services Page To stay updated on book releases (and to read my past messages) Sign up for My Newsletter 🌞🌞🌞 In this blog post, I will focus mainly on our individual healing. I have mentioned the healing of the collective to give a fuller understanding that this inner push to heal is part of Humanity’s current evolutionary process and that the healing of the individual and the collective goes hand in hand. Healing Our Emotional Wounds Has Far-Reaching Effects We were created to live connected to love, effortlessly tapping into joy, and naturally expressing love – and its supportive qualities like fairness, sharing, and compassion outwards into the world. See my post The Qualities of Love. However, Humanity's past caused emotional wounds within us and we  disconnected from that love. Healing our emotional wounds can be done in many ways – but they all start with acknowledgment – with looking at the conscious or Unconscious Influences that cause(d) us to feel, react, or act out of context. Acknowledging how we feel, or what we have said or done that caused us or others pain or upsets, is the 1st step to healing. Once we acknowledge we then work to remove the blocks to love - to undo the Unconscious Influences that may be keeping us from accessing the love within. To go deep enough in the healing to make impactful shifts within us, we must be brave enough to be honest with ourselves.*** There are many simple and professional ways to do this. A few that have helped me are … 🌞Journaling*** our thoughts, feelings, and what comes to us as we sit to write about a hurt, our feelings, or try and understand why [...]

Healing Ourselves Helps Heal Others, and Our Ancestral Lineages2022-01-21T13:42:40+00:00

I Have Loved

2021-09-16T20:06:01+00:00

All Love We Feel Comes from Within Us. If We have Ever Loved – Anybody or Anything, We Can Recreate those Loving Feelings. Whatever love we have ever felt – whether for a child, lover, family member, or a pet – or anything that evoked a sense of love within us like our home, a walk, our garden, art, music, the sunset, or the exhilaration of a sport – the feeling came from within us, even though it was activated by something outside of us. If we have ever felt a deep sense of contentment – this feeling also came from within us, even though it may have been activated by outside circumstances that caused us to feel satisfied. If We Have Ever Felt Love Activated by Externals, We Can Feel Love from Within Our Self Some people actually live life feeling love all the time. However, for most of us, it is triggered by someone, something, or from a fond memory. Still, knowing/remembering that we have loved – that we have the capacity to feel love is a great comfort. Lately, it has been for me. To keep emotionally above board throughout the pandemic I upped my meditations practices. And since I use mostly guided meditations (I’m simply too hyper to meditate quietly on my own; I need assistance to get me in a quiet state 😊), I have discovered some new ones. One of these has been Louise Hay’s morning meditation, which focuses mainly on appreciation. About halfway through the 25 minutes, we are asked to spend a few minutes appreciating the people, things, and experiences we now have, or have had, in our life. Here is the link to Louise's meditation. (These blog posts are all based on my books. About My Books and purchase info is found here  (a list of my books is at the end) I am also a copywriter and offer writing services. About my Writing Services see here) Over time, my appreciation turned into remembering fondly; then it turned into really feeling the love for what I have, or have had – for people, things, and experiences in my life that brings or has brought me joy. At some point, I realized that I Have Really Loved – and have gotten pleasure from so much in my life. I LOVED having children – the fun of it all; I no longer remember any of the hard parts. I have loved my homes. I loved my dance classes, and I still love to dance. I love to paint. I have loved hopping on my bicycle at the end of the day and driving along the Lakeshore. Cooking for my family and hosting family/friend gatherings has always brought me great pleasure. I have loved all my gardens – creating them and enjoying them, and I now love my balcony and window boxes. I love waking up in the morning and looking out the window – whether rainy, cloudy, or sunny. Sitting in my solarium in [...]

I Have Loved2021-09-16T20:06:01+00:00

Relationships: Partnering Up Consciously – Separating Consciously 2/3

2020-12-03T19:28:35+00:00

The more consciousness we bring to our dating, the better they turn out for us.  The more consciousness we bring to our current relationships, the more easily they flourish. And the more evolved and conscious we become - aware of our wants, needs, and expectations - as well as any ways of being that may be detracting us from getting what we want from our dating or relationships, the more confident and empowered we become. Being more conscious allows us to more easily trust our hearts - that they are showing us a true picture when choosing a spouse or life-partner (or even friends or a business partner) - instead of one created from denial or neediness. Consciousness brings maturity to dating, and to relationships.  For Part 1 see  HERE For Part 3 see Here  The more evolved and conscious we become, the less we will have to be wary of our unconscious influences (hurt feelings, neediness, aggressive or overly-passive reactions, etc.) luring us into hurtful or chaotic situations. Nor will we have to be so vigilant at continuously examining our emotions, desires, or motives. Neither will we have to be so cautious of others’ motives. When we bring consciousness and the maturity it holds to our dating and relationships, we are be working at higher vibration capacities. Our radars become better attuned to the vibrations of others, and if something is off we will cue into it more easily. This article is based on  Ch 5, “Relationships” in my book, Your Journey to Peace …   About Book here This will be expanded upon in Relationships in an Evolving World, due out early Spring 2021. About Book  here To stay updated, sign-up for my free monthly Newsletter  here  The more conscious we become, the greater our connection to our True Self, and the more we feel guided towards partners based on true soul parings where both can thrive. Where there is equality, acceptance, and forgiveness - instead confusion, hot then cold attitudes, jealousy, possessiveness, or flip flopping about where the dating or relationship will go. In conscious relationships, we encourage each other to be the best we can be. And because our strength and self-confidence comes from within, we are not invested in changing our partner or making them acquiesce to our desires. We also understand that our partner gets his or her strength and guidance from their True Self, and if that guidance is calling them to move on from the relationship we will not be so inclined towards drama, anger, revenge, or the plethora of negative responses breaking up has caused in the past. As we uncover and work through unconscious influences that affect how we think, react, and act, we will choose our partners, spouses, and life-partners more consciously. We will become stronger in ourselves, and have more clarity. We will no longer be inclined to choose partners from a place of confusion, neediness, or to fill a void. This will soon become the norm. Separating Consciously Will Also Start to [...]

Relationships: Partnering Up Consciously – Separating Consciously 2/32020-12-03T19:28:35+00:00

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause

2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

Negative or inappropriate reactions are the result of living on the surface level of our emotional world. We are either disconnected from our current emotions out of fear of what we may find, or we are unaware that Unconscious Influences - past emotional upsets or hurts are running our lives and causing us to feel bad or react badly. This post is a companion to my article Understanding the Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives Having no true connection to the honesty of our feelings and the depth of our emotions, we react from unconscious emotional states that have no bearing upon others or current situations - rather than respond to what is really happening. Connecting the dots between what we are feeling and how we are reacting can help us overcome negative, inappropriate,  and ineffective attitudes and behaviors. Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner - and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause 🧡Always take a few moments to center yourself, ask your Higher Self, God, Spirit - of any diety you adhere to join you in understanding -  and overcoming what is causing you difficulties. Write out your thoughts - and what comes to you regarding what you are trying to understand and/or heal about yourself and your communications with others.  Here are a few examples. You may see yourself here; if not, you'll get the idea. We are looking at the real causes of our upsets or issues with others - so that we can get to the root causes and gain more understandin- enabling us to shift to healthier ways of dealing with our feelings and reactions with others. Example # 1: I Get Hurt Feelings: He/she forgot. I feel he/she doesn’t love, value, or appreciate me. I don’t feel loved, valued, or appreciated. Connecting the Dots: (You may see yourself in some - or all of these) I feel hurt when others don't show me love, appreciation, or  meet my expectations (Were your expectations voiced,  or heard by the other?) I need love, appreciation, and validation from people (I feel frustrated and unloved when I don't get validated for my efforts or the love I give) Others haven’t always loved, valued, or appreciated me. ( the 1st Ah-ha moment that connects back to past feelings of being unloved or appreciated) The big Ah-ha moment: I recognize now that I am projecting the lack of love and validation that I felt in the past into present circumstances and am putting unfair expectations on those around me. As well as my personal development, self-help, and spiritual writing, I am also a copywriter and offer many types of writing services My Writing Services.  Example # 2: I am impatient and fly off the handle easily: I'm always busy and have lots to do. I don't have time for anything that delays my plans. I am impatient with people who are calm. It's not my fault - I just get caught up in things. Connecting the Dots: (You may [...]

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

Differences in Our Relationships that Create Conflict – Actually Add Value 

2020-12-10T14:38:19+00:00

While most relationships may be based on love and a commitment to experience life together, it is quite natural to experience conflicts. We each hold distinct character traits and come from unique backgrounds and experiences. If we do not respect the differences these engender, or allow space for their expression, conflicts will ensue. Within our familiar and intimate relationships, every-day life offers us many, many opportunities for our differences to clash, and for one or both parties to feel hurt, misunderstood, or be angered by how our differences play out. Differences In Our Relationships that Create Conflict Actually Add Value We are inclined to try to have our partners think, act, and feel the way we do. However, making a partnership work involves accepting our differences and embracing the qualities that each bring to the table. Admittedly, this is easier said than done. Once the honeymoon phase is over and real life sets in, seeing the positive aspects of the other or the relationship often goes by the wayside. As with everything else in life, for our relationships to be harmonious we have to consciously focus on the positive. This is an excerpt from chapter 5 "Relationships" in my book, Your Journey to Peace ... About this - and my upcoming Books here  (Available in Print and E-book from  Amazon, Chapters, and Barnes and Noble. When we focus on the positive in the other, those aspects have a fertile place to grow. During hard times or rough patches, we can draw on each others strength. So, helping the other to grow their innate gifts, benefits us as well. Although throwing in the towel may seem like the best idea when the going gets tough, in fact, it’s only the easy way out. Our differences are meant to help us grow. (See below for information on my next post, where I further explain this). We are often attracted to and marry or choose partners with opposite personalities, but with many qualities we like and appreciate. However, what we like - our differences, is only part of his or her personality make-up. For example, the person who is organized and gets the bills paid on time may annoy us by being more focused on money, organization, or routine than we like. We might be drawn to a person who is more spontaneous and brings excitement to the family, although their inability to keep to schedules annoys us. Either way, bills have to be paid and budgets adhered to or chaos ensues. Spontaneity keeps things alive and fun. Both types of personalities are needed for life to go smoothly with practical issues looked after, while at the same time having fun within the relationship. We can choose to focus on the positive aspects of our partner and praise him or her for the valuable qualities he or she brings to the partnership, or we can berate our spouse for the aspects of his or her personality that annoy us. We can uplift the other. [...]

Differences in Our Relationships that Create Conflict – Actually Add Value 2020-12-10T14:38:19+00:00

Relationships: Partnering Up Consciously – Separating Consciously 2/3

2022-09-14T00:18:39+00:00

The more consciousness we bring to our dating, the better they turn out for us.  The more consciousness we bring to our current relationships, the more easily they flourish. And the more evolved and conscious we become - aware of our wants, needs, and expectations - as well as any ways of being that may be detracting us from getting what we want from our dating or relationships, the more confident and empowered we become. Being more conscious allows us to more easily trust our hearts - that they are showing us a true picture when choosing a spouse or life partner (or even friends or a business partner) - instead of one created from denial or neediness. Consciousness brings maturity to dating, and to relationships. Read Part 1     Part 3 The more evolved and conscious we become, the less we will have to be wary of our unconscious influences (hurt feelings, neediness, aggressive or overly-passive reactions, etc.) luring us into hurtful or chaotic situations. Nor will we have to be so vigilant at continuously examining our emotions, desires, or motives. Neither will we have to be so cautious of others’ motives. When we bring consciousness and the maturity it holds to our dating and relationships, we are be working at higher vibration capacities. Our radars become better attuned to the vibrations of others, and if something is off we will cue into it more easily. This article is based on  Ch 5, “Relationships” in my book, Your Journey to Peace …  and will be expanded upon in Relationship Intelligence;  Choose Your Ideal Partner, Improve Your Couple Relationship, Heal Your Family Relationships - Spring 2022.     About My Books  To stay updated, Sign-up for my free monthly publication 🔸 🔸 🔸 🔸🔸 My passion writing is in personal development, and spirituality genres, and   I am also a copywriter and offer various writing services to businesses and personal development and spiritual communities.  My Writing Services Page The more conscious we become, the greater our connection to our True Self, and the more we feel guided towards partners based on true soul pairings where both can thrive. Where there is equality, acceptance, and forgiveness - instead of confusion, hot then cold attitudes, jealousy, possessiveness, or flip-flopping about where the dating or relationship will go. In conscious relationships, we encourage each other to be the best we can be. And because our strength and self-confidence come from within, we are not invested in changing our partners or making them acquiesce to our desires. We also understand that our partner gets his or her strength and guidance from their True Self, and if that guidance is calling them to move on from the relationship we will not be so inclined towards drama, anger, revenge, or the plethora of negative responses breaking up has caused in the past. As we uncover and work through unconscious influences that affect how we think, react, and act, we will choose our partners, spouses, and life partners more consciously. We will become stronger in [...]

Relationships: Partnering Up Consciously – Separating Consciously 2/32022-09-14T00:18:39+00:00

Moving From “Its Not Ok” to “I’m at Peace With This” – Newsletter September 2021

2021-11-02T18:36:27+00:00

Our ultimate purpose is to return to love.*  And as we start to see others and life through the eyes of love, we can  … 🔸Overcome – and effectively deal with our issues and challenging situations 🔸No longer focus the differences we hold with others, 🔸Make peace with situations around us we disagree with. *A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson, was one of the first books that opened my eyes to the depths that we can perceive others – and situations through the eyes of love. We emerged from love. We were created out of love. We ARE love. And our purpose is to return to love. Our world is a classroom in that journey back to fully embracing love – in all its forms – with everyone, everything, and all situations. 🔸🔸🔸 My passion is writing in the personal development and spirituality genres. I am also a copywriter and offer various writing services to businesses and personal development and spiritual communities.  My Writing Services Page Whether the Garden of Eden was real or metaphoric, it is clear that we once had a connection to unconditional love, but at some point, we lost it. Over time, Humanity's ways of dealing with others and life shifted to fear-based. We inherited fear-based concepts, ideas, perceptions, reactions, and habits from our past. These became ingrained in our DNA and developed into our current default ways of navigating the world. Many qualities encompass us feeling and showing love, and there are many qualities we express when we come from a place of fear. See my post: the Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear  (The links to all my related blog posts are also at the end). Fear-based ways of approaching life limit our connection to – and outward expressions of unconditional love. Coming from this constricted place, we may be reactive or emotionally distant, hurting those around us.  When hurt, our default may be that we become defensive and over-reactive, or we become protective of our hearts and shut down. Coming from a place of love we exude light.  Coming from a place of fear we exude darkness.                  The Masters came to lead us out of the "darkness" or "our sleeping state, but we were too stuck in our ways to understand or embrace their messages – at least enough for them to become the norm. It is now time for Humanity to come out of the darkness into the light: To awaken to embracing the love we are at our core and extend that love to others. Moving Beyond How Humanity Has Navigated the World Influenced by what we have been taught and shown, people are only ever doing what they think they need to do to feel good or safe, or do what they think is best, right, good, or necessary. We are all on different legs of our Journey to Peace (my 1st book😊) to coming out of the darkness and awakening to seeing [...]

Moving From “Its Not Ok” to “I’m at Peace With This” – Newsletter September 20212021-11-02T18:36:27+00:00

The Cavern Between You and Others – Is In Direct Relationship Between You and You – 3/3

2021-04-01T00:29:47+00:00

In part 1, I discussed how the hurts or conflicts that arise in our relationships are mostly due to Unconscious Influences  – to habitual thought and reactionary patterns that run our lives. In part 2, I discussed how our habitual thought and reactionary responses often do not get us the results we are looking for, and how they can create hurt feelings in us, and conflicts in our relationships. In this part 3, I explain how neediness and passive responses also affect us, and I sum this 3 part article up by explaining how we can become aware of – and override any conditioned unconscious responses that may bring us initial satisfaction, but do not ultimately give us the results we want or the sense of peace, happiness, and harmonious relationships we yearn for. You can read  Part 1 HERE   Part 2 HERE  But before I continue, I'd just like to mention that the main takeaway from this series is basically that: Improving our connection to our True Self improves – and deepens our connection to others. They are intertwined.  Passive Responses: Passive responses come from feeling disempowered. Although passive responses may appear to be neutral, as there are no blatant outward signs, they are very different because passive responses hold an emotional component – just like aggressive ones. Sometimes the hurts, feelings, disappointments, or perceived injustices are not voiced at all, while at other times they are, but are tinged with so much emotion and/or neediness that the other individual turns a blind ear. In both cases, we are not heard. Either way, the emotions are internalized affecting both the individual and the relationship. These internalizations harm us because buried emotions add another layer to the cavern between “us and us,” and our connection to our True Self is further weakened. This article is based on my books, “Your Journey to Peace … ” and “Why We Are the Way We Are” both are available in print and e-book from Amazon. Link to About Books       Link to Amazon. Passive responses harm the relationship because as our true feelings are not voiced (or heard) we have not addressed the hurt or disappointment we feel, and we remain inwardly angry towards the other for not understanding or taking into consideration our feelings, or seeing our viewpoint. And if we are do try to make ourselves heard but are ineffective, before we approach the subject again, reflecting on our approach last time and possibly adjusting it could help us getting heard this time. We can ask ourselves: Are we being needy – only thinking about our needs and perspective? Are we negative – only focusing on what is wrong or may go wrong? Are we overly emotional – crying at any perceived slight or criticism? Could we be acting passive-aggressively – sighing or putting on a sad face rather than sharing our thoughts or feelings? Whether we elect these attitudes because we don’t like to speak our mind, are unable to articulate or [...]

The Cavern Between You and Others – Is In Direct Relationship Between You and You – 3/32021-04-01T00:29:47+00:00

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