Why We Are the Way We Are Archives

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021

wvlju2021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

When we come from a place of It's Not Me – It's You, we project our fears and feelings onto the other. Ultimately, we are all responsible for the feelings that arise in us. Projecting our feelings back at the other is an attempt to deflect owning our feelings. And rather than get angry, defensive, or blame the other – it is more productive to respond calmly. When we come from a place of It's Not You – It's Me, we internalize how the other made us feel. We are also responsible for any feelings we internalize, bury, and hide from the other. And rather than allowing our emotions to stew and later erupt or morph into passive-aggressive attitudes or behaviors, it is more productive to speak up calmly – but confidently. Later, we can look to understand why we allow another to make us feel bad and how we allow them to treat us in the way they do. (Sign-Up to receive my Free Monthly Newsletter where I cover a variety of subjects related to our personal development). ✍?As well as my Spiritual and Personal Development Writing, I am also a Copywriter/Digital Marketing and I offer Various Writing Services. My Writing Services Page ✍? Whether we project or internalize, we take personally what the other said, did, didn’t say, didn’t do, or how they reacted or didn’t react. Don’t take things personally is one of the four agreements from ... My Recommended Book of the Month is The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. When People Disagree or One Feels Hurt, or Gets Disappointed or Disillusioned ?It's Both of Us: because when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from love. One is unaware that they are feeling bad because of their misalignment; the other is unaware that they are behaving in hurtful ways that stem from their misalignment. And ... ?It's Neither of Us: Our true reality is that we are love. However, we are disconnected from that love. So, when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from that love – unaware that they are simply feeling bad or acting out from that place of misalignment. With this understanding that It Is Both of Us – and – It Is Neither of Us – and knowing that each is unaware that they are feeling or reacting from this place of misalignment, it is easier to understand and forgive how the other is showing up. To shift from It's Not Me–It's You – or – It's Not You–It's Me” – to – “It’s Both – It’s Neither” we must … ? Come from a place of honesty and authenticity within ourselves ? Bring the qualities of love – calmness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, and harmony to the other. And to get there, it helps to … ? Remember that we are all somewhat misaligned from our true reality – from the love we are at our core ? Recognize that you cannot always feel love and [...]

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021wvlju2021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/3

wvlju2022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Relationships are the vehicle that best allows us to work out our issues. Our pains and fears. Our neediness. Our aggression. Our protective devices. It is where we most play out our reactionary or passive styles. This is especially true in our familial and couple relationships This article is based on ch. 5 "Relationships" in Your Journey to Peace ... Our Couple Relationships What most of us look for in our intimate relationships is companionship, and for the other to love, help, and support us in life. In our younger days, we may look for the right person to build a family with. We may also look for a partner to offer us security. And from a human perspective, this is all fine. However, from a higher, spiritual perspective, the purpose of all our relationships is for soul growth: to connect more fully to our True Self - so that we can live life coming from a place of LOVE. In fact, all our interactions with others offer us opportunities to come from that place of love: to offer the qualities of love to others. (See my post The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear. The link is also at the end. Because of the intimacy required, our relationships are the best vehicle to work through our unprocessed hurts and pains from our past. In our day-to-day life, any Unconscious Influences we may hold, like neediness, defensiveness, or aggressive, controlling, or passive tendencies. naturally arise. It is unprocessed hurts and pains from our past that caused us to create these Unconscious Influences to protect our hearts and psyches. These, along with our individual personalities, differing ways of approaching life, and the various defensive and protective mechanisms we created to protect our hearts and psyches are what creates hurt feelings in us and conflicts with others. Our couple relationships also often hold expectations that cannot be met. And our communication skills are often weak. With presumed, unvoiced, or misunderstood expectations and poor communication we may get hurt feelings or react badly in frustration, and our unconscious, habitual responses rear their ugly head, and instead of coming from a place of love and understanding, we unknowingly invite conflict into our relationships. Our relationships are actually set up to trigger our Unconscious Influences - by others pushing our buttons. This is why our relationships are often so difficult! Unconscious Influence create havoc in our relationships. They cause us to navigate life from a place of fear, protectionism, defensiveness, and suspiciousness. We are overly sensitive and prone to blame to other for how we feel and for not understanding us. The emotional instability and feelings of disempowerment created from past unhealed wounds or conflicting messages we received about love, create ineffective, habitual patterns of negative reactions and behaviors that cause hurt feelings for us and conflicts with others. Our unaddressed wounds get triggered in our communications with others as we erroneously bring echoes of past hurts or fears into present issues or situations with others. However, our sensitivities are [...]

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/3wvlju2022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Reader Reviews: Why We Are the Way We Are

wvlju2023-03-20T22:26:10+00:00

Reader Reviews Why We Are the Way We Are (the 1st book in my 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series). (Reviews Below + info on upcoming Books 2 and 3 of this series) ????? So Much Wisdom in Each Chapter! I was attracted to this book from the moment I read the content list. What you find in each chapter is pure wisdom. I enjoyed the entire book and will read it over and over again. Very enlightening! ~ Mar, Amazon Review This Book May Help You Regain or Strengthen Your Connection to Spirit I have read many good books on Spirituality and this one stands right up there along with them. I agree with the author when she states that psychology has a lot to do with Spirituality: "What is held within the recesses of our unconscious mind may block the flowing connection to Spirit". This book is well written and flows easily. It is meant to be read slowly in order to ponder the concepts brought forth. This is a book I will read again and again. I highly recommend it to anyone brave enough to explore their unconscious mind. ~ A. Seguin - Verified Amazon Purchaser Reader Reviews of Journey to Peace Spiritual Teacher Reviews of My Book As well as my spiritual writing, I also offer a variety of Writing/Copywriting Services Buy My Books on Amazon: © Rosemary McCarthy, August 25, 2022. My Published Books (Cover Images Below) Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science Why We Are the Way We Are - Book 1 of my 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series My Upcoming Books: (Cover Images Below) Relationship Intelligence, Choose Your Ideal Partner, Improve Your Couple Relationship, Heal Your Family Relationships - Book 3 of my 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series - due out Early 2023 Overcome Your Unconscious Influences , such as Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness - Book 2 of my 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series - due out Summer 2023 My Published Books My Upcoming Books: Overcome Your Unconscious Influences ... Fall 2022, Relationship Intelligence ... Winter 2022-23

Reader Reviews: Why We Are the Way We Arewvlju2023-03-20T22:26:10+00:00

What Would Love Do?

wvlju2023-02-28T18:38:09+00:00

What Would Love Do? is a concept I came across when studying A Course in Miracles. We can ask What Would Love Do? regarding ourselves, others, and situations. Our responses to what happens to us, to situations with others, or to issues that crop up are what dictate how we will feel once whatever is happening is past. ? If we come from a place of love – and express love’s qualities (understanding, compassion, etc., there is a link below to my post on Love's Qualities) we will feel better. Calmer. And we will be able to deal with anything that needs our attention with more clarity. We will get on our day feeling light. ? If we allow our mind to focus on the negativity of it all: he/she did – didn’t do xyz, it’s not fair, or this should not have happened and anger or frustration take over, or we resort to judgment, blame, or revenge - or any type of aggression we will carry the dense energy of this with us throughout the day. We are only ever coming from a place of Love, or a place of Fear. Read my related post, the Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear. If we want to better ourselves - or to feel better, we must approach life differently than we were. In my past and before I started doing personal development work (I didn't even know that term), I just wanted to find peace in my life. A feeling had started to grow in me that there was something wrong with the picture of my life - of how I was navigating life. That it was not others - but me - who were causing my unhappiness and frustrations. Not me-me - but that somehow I was missing the mark. And so, my journey to peace (the name and themes of my books) began. Slowly, I began to realize that my frustrations and what I was feeling were not about the others - what they were or weren't doing. It was all coming from within me. I learned that my perceptions of others and situations were not reality - and that I brought past hurts, feelings, biases, and beliefs into present situations. From these echoes of the past and their beliefs and biases, I created protection mechanisms and default ways of responding to life. I call these Our Unconscious Influences (see below for info on my upcoming book 2, Overcome Your Unconscious Influences ... in my "Our Journeys to Peace' Series). I had started to understand that based on what I experienced or witnessed when growing up, I had been projected my fears of what was or what might happen onto the present. I allowed actions and innocent remarks to echo in my mind as proof that I would be criticized, wronged, stepped-on, and/or disempowered – just like my mother and many women of the 50’s generation were. All my Articles / Blog Posts are based on my [...]

What Would Love Do?wvlju2023-02-28T18:38:09+00:00

Healing Ourselves Helps Heal Others, and Our Ancestral Lineages

wvlju2022-01-21T13:42:40+00:00

Individuals and Humanity are at a point where we can no longer brush things under the rug. It is our time to lift the rug – to reveal what was buried and hidden – so that we can heal anything that is not of love – and ensure that everyone feels empowered and in control of their life and destiny. As Individuals ?The impetus to look beyond our feelings, attitudes, and behaviors is upon us – so that we can heal the wounds that cause(d) bad, ineffective, inappropriate, or hurtful attitudes and behaviors. ?We are learning the importance of – and the necessity to – stand up for ourselves: for our freedoms, beliefs, and right to live life as our hearts and souls call us to. As a Collective ?We are being forced to look at the inequalities, injustices, and cruelty we have – and still do – put upon the poorer, marginalized, and disempowered individuals and groups, and … ?We are called to make restitution. ??? All my writing is based on themes from my books: Your Journey to Peace …, and Why We Are the Way We Are, See below for info on my upcoming books, Overcome Your Unconscious Influences…, and Relationship Intelligence … As well as my spiritual/personal development writing, I also offer Writing Services see My Writing Services Page To stay updated on book releases (and to read my past messages) Sign up for My Newsletter ??? In this blog post, I will focus mainly on our individual healing. I have mentioned the healing of the collective to give a fuller understanding that this inner push to heal is part of Humanity’s current evolutionary process and that the healing of the individual and the collective goes hand in hand. Healing Our Emotional Wounds Has Far-Reaching Effects We were created to live connected to love, effortlessly tapping into joy, and naturally expressing love – and its supportive qualities like fairness, sharing, and compassion outwards into the world. See my post The Qualities of Love. However, Humanity's past caused emotional wounds within us and we disconnected from that love. Healing our emotional wounds can be done in many ways – but they all start with acknowledgment – with looking at the conscious or Unconscious Influences that cause(d) us to feel, react, or act out of context. Acknowledging how we feel, or what we have said or done that caused us or others pain or upsets, is the 1st step to healing. Once we acknowledge we then work to remove the blocks to love - to undo the Unconscious Influences that may be keeping us from accessing the love within. To go deep enough in the healing to make impactful shifts within us, we must be brave enough to be honest with ourselves.*** There are many simple and professional ways to do this. A few that have helped me are … ?Journaling*** our thoughts, feelings, and what comes to us as we sit to write about a hurt, our feelings, or try and understand why [...]

Healing Ourselves Helps Heal Others, and Our Ancestral Lineageswvlju2022-01-21T13:42:40+00:00

Staying Calm, Keeping Balanced, Allowing for Reflection

wvlju2021-11-05T12:48:49+00:00

As we start to get back into the swing of Fall activities (at least those of us in the Northern hemisphere are), let us remember to not get so caught up in all the various commitments and/or responsibilities that come along with this time of the year that may cause us to become stressed and overly busy. And although we have missed out on many of the fun things we were used to doing, many of us have also enjoyed the slowing down –and used the time to rejuvenate our mind, body, and soul. And if you feel bored or listless, remember how uplifting feeling relaxed and "just being" is. "Just being" offers our mind, body, and soul the energetic space to recalibrate - without us even being aware of it. And it puts us in a state where we can reflect. Modern life has often led us to ignore the reflective and feeling parts of ourselves. Our forced slowdowns this past year and a half have given us more time than usual to be calmer, more reflective, and opportunities to "just be." Links to 3 companion posts are at the end. To be happy and feel good we need to attend to our body, mind, emotions, and spiritual connection – and it is the subtler parts of ourselves that nurture these. The subtler parts of ourselves are more in tune with love – with a connection to our True Selves – to others – and everything around us. They are more based on our true reality. Being in tune with love and connected to our true reality, we navigate life adhering to love's qualities: kindness, sharing, compassion, acceptance, equality, unity, etc. We feel empowered – not in a striving for power way (based on a false strength) but from a place of inner strength (based on our true reality). This allows us to embrace the concept of me-and-you. Humanity’s history has been based on false realities. Of separate motivations grounded in fear, greed, competition – on me-against-you. Fighting for our survival became paramount in our existence. We were reactive, rather than responsive. Although today most of us do not have to fight for our physical survival, we have maintained the competitiveness and reactive states of that survival mode. This, along with the disconnect from our True Self, has created stress and uneasiness in our beings. This has translated into the business and getting ahead ways of navigating life that has become the norm for many of us. The reactive way of navigating life that we inherited from past generations causes us to aggressively approach situations – often bringing in past issues or being influenced by unaddressed emotions from our past – rather than responding calmly and only addressing what is currently happening. Our business, competitiveness, focus on getting ahead, and our reactive states have left no room to connect to our subtler and reflective natures – that are so important to our sense of well-being. This article/blog post is based [...]

Staying Calm, Keeping Balanced, Allowing for Reflectionwvlju2021-11-05T12:48:49+00:00

Moving From “Its Not Ok” to “I’m at Peace With This” – Newsletter September 2021

wvlju2021-11-02T18:36:27+00:00

Our ultimate purpose is to return to love.* And as we start to see others and life through the eyes of love, we can … ?Overcome – and effectively deal with our issues and challenging situations ?No longer focus the differences we hold with others, ?Make peace with situations around us we disagree with. *A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson, was one of the first books that opened my eyes to the depths that we can perceive others – and situations through the eyes of love. We emerged from love. We were created out of love. We ARE love. And our purpose is to return to love. Our world is a classroom in that journey back to fully embracing love – in all its forms – with everyone, everything, and all situations. ??? My passion is writing in the personal development and spirituality genres. I am also a copywriter and offer various writing services to businesses and personal development and spiritual communities. My Writing Services Page Whether the Garden of Eden was real or metaphoric, it is clear that we once had a connection to unconditional love, but at some point, we lost it. Over time, Humanity's ways of dealing with others and life shifted to fear-based. We inherited fear-based concepts, ideas, perceptions, reactions, and habits from our past. These became ingrained in our DNA and developed into our current default ways of navigating the world. Many qualities encompass us feeling and showing love, and there are many qualities we express when we come from a place of fear. See my post: the Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear (The links to all my related blog posts are also at the end). Fear-based ways of approaching life limit our connection to – and outward expressions of unconditional love. Coming from this constricted place, we may be reactive or emotionally distant, hurting those around us. When hurt, our default may be that we become defensive and over-reactive, or we become protective of our hearts and shut down. Coming from a place of love we exude light. Coming from a place of fear we exude darkness. The Masters came to lead us out of the "darkness" or "our sleeping state, but we were too stuck in our ways to understand or embrace their messages – at least enough for them to become the norm. It is now time for Humanity to come out of the darkness into the light: To awaken to embracing the love we are at our core and extend that love to others. Moving Beyond How Humanity Has Navigated the World Influenced by what we have been taught and shown, people are only ever doing what they think they need to do to feel good or safe, or do what they think is best, right, good, or necessary. We are all on different legs of our Journey to Peace (my 1st book?) to coming out of the darkness and awakening to seeing [...]

Moving From “Its Not Ok” to “I’m at Peace With This” – Newsletter September 2021wvlju2021-11-02T18:36:27+00:00

Why We Are the Way We Are – Now Available

wvlju2019-01-31T19:04:00+00:00

Why We Are the Way We Are, Book 1 of my new 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series. See here for About Book and Purchase Info Book 2 - Becoming Our Best Self - due out March 2019 - see here for About Book (see below for covers) Book 3 - Relationships in an Evolving World - due May 2019 - see here for About Book

Why We Are the Way We Are – Now Availablewvlju2019-01-31T19:04:00+00:00

The Cavern Between You and Others … Part 3/3

wvlju2021-03-18T20:37:47+00:00

In part 2, I discussed how our neediness and neutral and reactionary responses ultimately affect our peace, happiness, and our relationships. In this part 3, I explain how passive responses also affect us, and explain how we can become aware, and override, conditioned responses that do not serve us best. You can read Part 1 HERE Part 2 HERE Passive Responses: Passive responses come from feeling disempowered. Although passive responses may appear to be neutral, as there are no blatant outward signs, they are very different because passive responses hold an emotional component – just like aggressive ones. Sometimes the hurts, feelings, disappointments, or perceived injustices are not voiced at all, while at other times they are, but are tinged with so much emotion and/or neediness that the other individual turns a blind ear. In both cases, we are not heard. Either way, the emotions are internalized affecting both the individual and the relationship. These internalizations harm us because buried emotions add another layer to the cavern between “us and us,” and our connection to our True Self is further weakened. This article is based on my books, “Your Journey to Peace … ” and “Why We Are the Way We Are” both available in print and e-book from Amazon. Info Below. Passive responses harm the relationship because as our true feelings are not voiced (or heard) we have not addressed the hurt or disappointment we feel, and we remain inwardly angry towards the other for not understanding or taking into consideration our feelings, or seeing our viewpoint. And if we are do try to make ourselves heard but are ineffective, before we approach the subject again, reflecting on our approach last time and possibly adjusting it could help us getting heard this time. We can ask ourselves: Are we being needy – only thinking about our needs and perspective? Are we negative – only focusing on what is wrong or may go wrong? Are we overly emotional – crying at any perceived slight or criticism? Could we be acting passive-aggressively – sighing or putting on a sad face rather than sharing our thoughts or feelings? Whether we elect these attitudes because we don’t like to speak our mind, are unable to articulate or feel embarrassed by what we feel, or are simply trying to keep the peace against an aggressive person, passive attitudes do not bring long term solutions. Overly passive attitudes are dishonest and come from fear, they do not come from being aligned with love. Being honest is one of love's qualities. Overly passive responses keep our emotions buried. Not only is the issue not addressed or resolved, but the approach may even backfire, as buried feelings come out – one way or another – and may one day cause a major blow-up from where there is not turning back. Passive responses create and increase the cavern between “us-and-another,” because until we address and resolve the issue with them that caused the feelings we buried, each future interaction is tainted. [...]

The Cavern Between You and Others … Part 3/3wvlju2021-03-18T20:37:47+00:00

Why We Are the Way We Are

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