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Dealing With Disappointments

Understanding the Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives

2022-05-27T21:24:53+00:00

Our Unconscious Influences are our attitudes, biases, habitual thought and reactive patterns, and the inner beliefs that we unknowingly erected from past experiences, what we witnessed, and/or appropriated from others that are now part of our emotional makeup. Our Unconscious Influences can have a positive effect on our lives and perceptions, or a negative one, And they act upon us without our consent. If our Unconscious Influences are negative, they may cause us to misperceive things, others, or situations and trigger us to think and act in automatic, habitual, aggressive, or protective ways. When our Unconscious Influences hold false perceptions, we develop needs to try to uphold them and strategies to defend them.  We project these onto others or different situations in many ways. See below for the link to my companion post "Worksheet: Connecting the Dots ..." A Few Examples of how Our Unconscious Influences May Play Out If our early life was characterized by an impoverished background and powerlessness, we may... 🔹Have constructed attitudes and belief systems to avoid being poor so that we do not feel disempowered in our in life. These may manifest as a strong need to be successful in life - no matter what ... and 🔹Push everyone in our lives aside. 🔹We may align only with successful people or those we deem can help us get ahead. 🔹We may marry for money. Although many of us may have dreamt of marrying for money—after all having an easy lifestyle is very appealing, most of us don’t fall into that trap. 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 If a sense of victimization typified our early life experience as a result of having maybe, an abusive parent, we may ... 🔹Have become controlling or overly aggressive to avoid being hurt or becoming a victim in life. 🔹When overly aggressive, we cause conflict in our relationships. 🔹If our innate character is quiet we may have internalized these earlier hurtful emotions and become passive-aggressive as a protective strategy. Further internalizing new hurts and pains, we become more disempowered in life. 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 This post is based in concepts in my books, Your Journey to Peace  ..., and Why We Are the Way We Are  About my Books I also offer a variety of Writing Services 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 Here's a Personal Example My mother was a 1950s housewife who was unhappy, distant, and morose. She alienated herself from life and didn’t find joy in anything. Because my father was an aggressive, loud bully, she fell into a poor-me, passive, victim mentality. (She actually had many medical issues, including an unrelated thyroid all her life that affected her, but I didn't know that when growing up. I was hurt by her being emotionally distant, and I hated her morose, poor-me attitudes. So, when I married at nineteen and had my first child just as I turned twenty-three, I decided there was NO WAY I was going to be a meek housewife; I associated this with being weak and a victim of one’s circumstances. While that was a [...]

Understanding the Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives2022-05-27T21:24:53+00:00

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause

2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

Negative or inappropriate reactions are the result of living on the surface level of our emotional world. We are either disconnected from our current emotions out of fear of what we may find, or we are unaware that Unconscious Influences - past emotional upsets or hurts are running our lives and causing us to feel bad or react badly. This post is a companion to my article Understanding the Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives Having no true connection to the honesty of our feelings and the depth of our emotions, we react from unconscious emotional states that have no bearing upon others or current situations - rather than respond to what is really happening. Connecting the dots between what we are feeling and how we are reacting can help us overcome negative, inappropriate,  and ineffective attitudes and behaviors. Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner - and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause 🧡Always take a few moments to center yourself, ask your Higher Self, God, Spirit - of any diety you adhere to join you in understanding -  and overcoming what is causing you difficulties. Write out your thoughts - and what comes to you regarding what you are trying to understand and/or heal about yourself and your communications with others.  Here are a few examples. You may see yourself here; if not, you'll get the idea. We are looking at the real causes of our upsets or issues with others - so that we can get to the root causes and gain more understandin- enabling us to shift to healthier ways of dealing with our feelings and reactions with others. Example # 1: I Get Hurt Feelings: He/she forgot. I feel he/she doesn’t love, value, or appreciate me. I don’t feel loved, valued, or appreciated. Connecting the Dots: (You may see yourself in some - or all of these) I feel hurt when others don't show me love, appreciation, or  meet my expectations (Were your expectations voiced,  or heard by the other?) I need love, appreciation, and validation from people (I feel frustrated and unloved when I don't get validated for my efforts or the love I give) Others haven’t always loved, valued, or appreciated me. ( the 1st Ah-ha moment that connects back to past feelings of being unloved or appreciated) The big Ah-ha moment: I recognize now that I am projecting the lack of love and validation that I felt in the past into present circumstances and am putting unfair expectations on those around me. As well as my personal development, self-help, and spiritual writing, I am also a copywriter and offer many types of writing services My Writing Services.  Example # 2: I am impatient and fly off the handle easily: I'm always busy and have lots to do. I don't have time for anything that delays my plans. I am impatient with people who are calm. It's not my fault - I just get caught up in things. Connecting the Dots: (You may [...]

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

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