Rosemary McCarthy. Archives

I Have Loved

wvlju2021-09-16T20:06:01+00:00

All Love We Feel Comes from Within Us. If We have Ever Loved – Anybody or Anything, We Can Recreate those Loving Feelings. Whatever love we have ever felt – whether for a child, lover, family member, or a pet – or anything that evoked a sense of love within us like our home, a walk, our garden, art, music, the sunset, or the exhilaration of a sport – the feeling came from within us, even though it was activated by something outside of us. If we have ever felt a deep sense of contentment – this feeling also came from within us, even though it may have been activated by outside circumstances that caused us to feel satisfied. If We Have Ever Felt Love Activated by Externals, We Can Feel Love from Within Our Self Some people actually live life feeling love all the time. However, for most of us, it is triggered by someone, something, or from a fond memory. Still, knowing/remembering that we have loved – that we have the capacity to feel love is a great comfort. Lately, it has been for me. To keep emotionally above board throughout the pandemic I upped my meditations practices. And since I use mostly guided meditations (I’m simply too hyper to meditate quietly on my own; I need assistance to get me in a quiet state ?), I have discovered some new ones. One of these has been Louise Hay’s morning meditation, which focuses mainly on appreciation. About halfway through the 25 minutes, we are asked to spend a few minutes appreciating the people, things, and experiences we now have, or have had, in our life. Here is the link to Louise's meditation. (These blog posts are all based on my books. About My Books and purchase info is found here (a list of my books is at the end) I am also a copywriter and offer writing services. About my Writing Services see here) Over time, my appreciation turned into remembering fondly; then it turned into really feeling the love for what I have, or have had – for people, things, and experiences in my life that brings or has brought me joy. At some point, I realized that I Have Really Loved – and have gotten pleasure from so much in my life. I LOVED having children – the fun of it all; I no longer remember any of the hard parts. I have loved my homes. I loved my dance classes, and I still love to dance. I love to paint. I have loved hopping on my bicycle at the end of the day and driving along the Lakeshore. Cooking for my family and hosting family/friend gatherings has always brought me great pleasure. I have loved all my gardens – creating them and enjoying them, and I now love my balcony and window boxes. I love waking up in the morning and looking out the window – whether rainy, cloudy, or sunny. Sitting in my solarium in [...]

I Have Lovedwvlju2021-09-16T20:06:01+00:00

Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions

wvlju2021-04-16T20:13:26+00:00

When we have no true connection to the honesty of our feelings and the depths of the emotions they hold, we feel and react from unconscious influences that have no bearing upon current situations – rather than respond to what is presenting itself now. When our feelings and reactions are based on unconscious influences, they are ineffective at giving us satisfying results in the present; nor do they bring us ultimate peace and happiness. This post is from my upcoming book and Workshops: Overcome - Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, Impatience, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness (working title). About Book HERE It is also a companion post to Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions,” See HERE to access. Connecting the dots between what we are feeling and how we are reacting is scary stuff. It requires that we face our self. That we admit our vulnerabilities. Our fears. Our hurts. Our sensitivities. However, doing so helps us to understand why our dealings with others may leave us feeling hurt, frustrated, or disappointed, or that our automatic reactions do not produce the results we want. Further connecting the dots between our feelings and reactions – to their root causes helps us to overcome any hurt feelings or ineffective reactions or behaviors that do not give us satisfactory results. Overcoming Our Unconscious Influences - is what my upcoming book is about. About Book here When we are frustrated, get our feelings hurt, or we react in ineffective ways like becoming angry, are critical, or blame another for how we feel, it is usually because ... we held expectations of them that were unmet we are disappointed in them, or in a situation they created, our neediness caused us to be extra sensitive, we allowed their bad reactions to affect our state of mind Whatever caused us to feel bad, they are all still our feelings. And we can do something about shifting them – and shift them we must!, Because it is in doing so that we begin to feel empowered and in control of our life. Understanding our feelings, and why we react in ineffective ways is empowering. Unmet Expectations: We often think others think like us, that their focus is where ours is, and that they place the same level of importance on the subject at hand that we do. People do not; nor can they read our mind. Many of our issues with others are the result of bad communication, ineffective communication, or a lack of communication. People don't usually want to make us feel bad or disappoint us; they simply don't realize they are doing so. They may feel and navigate life very differently we do. No matter our differences, we all want to feel good and have peace in our life. And this not only looks different to us all, but we all also go about seeking it in different ways. Being Disappointed: When promises are broken, or what we expect of another does [...]

Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactionswvlju2021-04-16T20:13:26+00:00

The Cavern Between You and Others – Is In Direct Relationship Between You and You – 3/3

wvlju2021-04-01T00:29:47+00:00

In part 1, I discussed how the hurts or conflicts that arise in our relationships are mostly due to Unconscious Influences – to habitual thought and reactionary patterns that run our lives. In part 2, I discussed how our habitual thought and reactionary responses often do not get us the results we are looking for, and how they can create hurt feelings in us, and conflicts in our relationships. In this part 3, I explain how neediness and passive responses also affect us, and I sum this 3 part article up by explaining how we can become aware of – and override any conditioned unconscious responses that may bring us initial satisfaction, but do not ultimately give us the results we want or the sense of peace, happiness, and harmonious relationships we yearn for. You can read Part 1 HERE Part 2 HERE But before I continue, I'd just like to mention that the main takeaway from this series is basically that: Improving our connection to our True Self improves – and deepens our connection to others. They are intertwined. Passive Responses: Passive responses come from feeling disempowered. Although passive responses may appear to be neutral, as there are no blatant outward signs, they are very different because passive responses hold an emotional component – just like aggressive ones. Sometimes the hurts, feelings, disappointments, or perceived injustices are not voiced at all, while at other times they are, but are tinged with so much emotion and/or neediness that the other individual turns a blind ear. In both cases, we are not heard. Either way, the emotions are internalized affecting both the individual and the relationship. These internalizations harm us because buried emotions add another layer to the cavern between “us and us,” and our connection to our True Self is further weakened. This article is based on my books, “Your Journey to Peace … ” and “Why We Are the Way We Are” both are available in print and e-book from Amazon. Link to About Books Link to Amazon. Passive responses harm the relationship because as our true feelings are not voiced (or heard) we have not addressed the hurt or disappointment we feel, and we remain inwardly angry towards the other for not understanding or taking into consideration our feelings, or seeing our viewpoint. And if we are do try to make ourselves heard but are ineffective, before we approach the subject again, reflecting on our approach last time and possibly adjusting it could help us getting heard this time. We can ask ourselves: Are we being needy – only thinking about our needs and perspective? Are we negative – only focusing on what is wrong or may go wrong? Are we overly emotional – crying at any perceived slight or criticism? Could we be acting passive-aggressively – sighing or putting on a sad face rather than sharing our thoughts or feelings? Whether we elect these attitudes because we don’t like to speak our mind, are unable to articulate or [...]

The Cavern Between You and Others – Is In Direct Relationship Between You and You – 3/3wvlju2021-04-01T00:29:47+00:00

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause

wvlju2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

Negative or inappropriate reactions are the result of living on the surface level of our emotional world. We are either disconnected from our current emotions out of fear of what we may find, or we are unaware that Unconscious Influences - past emotional upsets or hurts are running our lives and causing us to feel bad or react badly. This post is a companion to my article Understanding the Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives Having no true connection to the honesty of our feelings and the depth of our emotions, we react from unconscious emotional states that have no bearing upon others or current situations - rather than respond to what is really happening. Connecting the dots between what we are feeling and how we are reacting can help us overcome negative, inappropriate, and ineffective attitudes and behaviors. Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner - and Outer Reactions and their Root Cause ?Always take a few moments to center yourself, ask your Higher Self, God, Spirit - of any diety you adhere to join you in understanding - and overcoming what is causing you difficulties. Write out your thoughts - and what comes to you regarding what you are trying to understand and/or heal about yourself and your communications with others. Here are a few examples. You may see yourself here; if not, you'll get the idea. We are looking at the real causes of our upsets or issues with others - so that we can get to the root causes and gain more understandin- enabling us to shift to healthier ways of dealing with our feelings and reactions with others. Example # 1: I Get Hurt Feelings: He/she forgot. I feel he/she doesn’t love, value, or appreciate me. I don’t feel loved, valued, or appreciated. Connecting the Dots: (You may see yourself in some - or all of these) I feel hurt when others don't show me love, appreciation, or meet my expectations (Were your expectations voiced, or heard by the other?) I need love, appreciation, and validation from people (I feel frustrated and unloved when I don't get validated for my efforts or the love I give) Others haven’t always loved, valued, or appreciated me. ( the 1st Ah-ha moment that connects back to past feelings of being unloved or appreciated) The big Ah-ha moment: I recognize now that I am projecting the lack of love and validation that I felt in the past into present circumstances and am putting unfair expectations on those around me. As well as my personal development, self-help, and spiritual writing, I am also a copywriter and offer many types of writing services My Writing Services. Example # 2: I am impatient and fly off the handle easily: I'm always busy and have lots to do. I don't have time for anything that delays my plans. I am impatient with people who are calm. It's not my fault - I just get caught up in things. Connecting the Dots: (You may [...]

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to My Inner – and Outer Reactions and their Root Causewvlju2021-10-06T12:44:41+00:00

Attaining Peaceful Honesty

wvlju2023-03-29T02:30:02+00:00

Most of us have at least encountered moments of peace and even pure bliss. Some of us feel peaceful most of the time. Others of us vacillate between feeling peaceful and being worried, stressed, or even fearful. While others of us can rarely access feeling peaceful – never mind feel blissful. Whenever we experience life from a peaceful place, we are living connected to our soul – to our True Self. Connected to our soul, we are in touch with our emotional world. Peaceful Honesty is a concept from my first book, Your Journey to Peace ..., Connected to our True Self we are in touch with our emotional world and are open, honest, and fearless. We are authentic. We have no need to hide our feelings, desires, dreams, hurts, pains, or fears. Nor do we feel the need to defend, react, or attack. We trust life and the insights that come to us. Disconnected from our True Self and our honest feelings and emotions we cannot tap into feelings of peacefulness, as we are living life at a surface level – and at the beck and call of our Unconscious Influences. Any negative or hurtful experiences we are still holding onto or any from our past we that we keep buried influence how we approach life. Unconscious Influences cause us to live mind-centered and from a place of fear, suspiciousness, and protectionism. Living mind and fear-centered, we are disconnected from our TRUE feelings – and are afraid to show – or even acknowledge our vulnerabilities. being mind-centered causes us to bring echoes of the past into present circumstances. These echoes of the past created stories in our minds about how life should be and how others should be towards us. We then create expectations based on these stories that have nothing to do with what is happening in the present. We may be afraid to show our vulnerabilities, but they come out anyway in covert ways – by our reactions and behaviors. We, therefore, navigate life from a closed, limited, superficial, reactionary, defensive, and dishonest place. To access that feeling of Peaceful Honesty, we must be open and able to express our fears and vulnerabilities. Once we acknowledge, look at, and work through the real cause of our current anxieties, disappointments, or anger and we clear away the cobwebs from our past that are causing these, our fears dissipate and we open the door to living in Peaceful Honesty. Peaceful Honesty The term Peaceful Honesty came to me one morning about 10 years ago, as I awoke with an intensely peaceful feeling. It was as though every breath I took that morning went deep down into the core of my being. For years I had worked on acknowledging, accessing, and releasing much of my old, buried hurts and feelings. By the time this feeling of Peaceful Honesty came upon me that morning, I had unraveled many layers that lay between me and my True Self, and the peace that was lying beneath them started [...]

Attaining Peaceful Honestywvlju2023-03-29T02:30:02+00:00

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021

wvlju2021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

When we come from a place of It's Not Me – It's You, we project our fears and feelings onto the other. Ultimately, we are all responsible for the feelings that arise in us. Projecting our feelings back at the other is an attempt to deflect owning our feelings. And rather than get angry, defensive, or blame the other – it is more productive to respond calmly. When we come from a place of It's Not You – It's Me, we internalize how the other made us feel. We are also responsible for any feelings we internalize, bury, and hide from the other. And rather than allowing our emotions to stew and later erupt or morph into passive-aggressive attitudes or behaviors, it is more productive to speak up calmly – but confidently. Later, we can look to understand why we allow another to make us feel bad and how we allow them to treat us in the way they do. (Sign-Up to receive my Free Monthly Newsletter where I cover a variety of subjects related to our personal development). ✍?As well as my Spiritual and Personal Development Writing, I am also a Copywriter/Digital Marketing and I offer Various Writing Services. My Writing Services Page ✍? Whether we project or internalize, we take personally what the other said, did, didn’t say, didn’t do, or how they reacted or didn’t react. Don’t take things personally is one of the four agreements from ... My Recommended Book of the Month is The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. When People Disagree or One Feels Hurt, or Gets Disappointed or Disillusioned ?It's Both of Us: because when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from love. One is unaware that they are feeling bad because of their misalignment; the other is unaware that they are behaving in hurtful ways that stem from their misalignment. And ... ?It's Neither of Us: Our true reality is that we are love. However, we are disconnected from that love. So, when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from that love – unaware that they are simply feeling bad or acting out from that place of misalignment. With this understanding that It Is Both of Us – and – It Is Neither of Us – and knowing that each is unaware that they are feeling or reacting from this place of misalignment, it is easier to understand and forgive how the other is showing up. To shift from It's Not Me–It's You – or – It's Not You–It's Me” – to – “It’s Both – It’s Neither” we must … ? Come from a place of honesty and authenticity within ourselves ? Bring the qualities of love – calmness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, and harmony to the other. And to get there, it helps to … ? Remember that we are all somewhat misaligned from our true reality – from the love we are at our core ? Recognize that you cannot always feel love and [...]

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021wvlju2021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

What Readers Are Saying About “Your Journey to Peace”

wvlju2023-02-07T23:22:55+00:00

Below are a few reviews from readers of Your Journey to Peace, ... my 1st published book. (See below for info on my other published book, and my upcoming books on Personal Development and Relationships. (I also offer a variety of Writing Services) You can also read What Spiritual Teachers Are Saying about Journey to Peace... and my writing in general. (Purchase links below) About My other Published - and 2023 Upcoming Books ... on Relationships and Personal Development (cover images below) ??? A Highly Insightful and Progressive Read! Anyone who wants to find healing in themselves and within their relationships should read this book [Your Journey to Peace] . Rosemary offers great insight into the way our society is going and what we can do to move progressively forward as one collective humanity. (Rachel Greeve, Amazon Canada) Highly Recommended for Anyone Striving for Personal Improvement and Higher Understanding! I found this book [Your Journey to Peace] to be an urgent and timely read. The research is highly impressive, not to mention extremely provocative and informative. At the heart of this book is a spiritual plea for introspection, not only for each reader, but for a world in need of positive change. It is highly recommended for anyone striving for personal improvement and higher understanding. (Gary W Hesketh, Amazon, USA – author of The Soul of The Messenger). ??? Insightful and Uplifting! I find this book [Your Journey to Peace] offers insightful and well-thought advice/research and I recommend it to anyone on their spiritual journey to inner peace. (Anonymous, Amazon US and UK). ??? About Your Journey to Peace Purchase Links: Amazon Barnes and Noble Indigo/Chapters (Canada) About my other book, Why We Are the Way We Are, My Upcoming Books, Relationship Intelligence - due out Winter 2022-23; Overcome Your Unconscious Influences - due out Spring 2023 ??? Rosemary???? ©Rosemary McCarthy, posted March 9, 2022 My Writing Services My Newsletter Sign Up My Facebook page. My Blog Page You can share this message as long as you include the whole post and include the copyright message and website below. ??? Copyright ©Rosemary McCarthy, March 9, 2022. All rights Reserved. To copy, share, or distribute this article simply ensure the content is copied in its entirety, is unaltered, and is distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the article and the website www.spiritedfawnpublications.com are included. You can contact me at: rosemary@yourjourneytopeace.com. Blessings, and thank you kindly, Rosemary??? Published Upcoming early in 2023 (Sign-up for my Newsletter to stay updated)

What Readers Are Saying About “Your Journey to Peace”wvlju2023-02-07T23:22:55+00:00

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to Our Feelings, Emotions and Reactions

wvlju2021-06-10T19:10:53+00:00

This is a companion post to “Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions,” See HERE to access. Always start with a small two-minute meditation/prayer/attunement. Invite in your Best Self, True Self, Higher Self, Spirit, Holy Spirit, Buddha, Jesus, or any other deity to join with you as you aim for self-understanding. This ensures we do so only for our highest good. When we feel hurt, or are angry or frustrated with another(s), it is our feelings of anger. So, we must address or deal with it. We either turn these inwards and allow the feelings to fester, or we project them outwards toward others, either way, both hurt us in the long run. You can use this worksheet for when you: 1) feel hurt or bad in any way in your dealings with another, or 2) when you react to people in ways that create conflict, or do not get you the results you want. Acknowledging and putting words to our feelings and reactions helps get to the crux of the matter – so we can effectively deal with it. You can use the few examples I give below as guidance or inspiration for your own self-understanding. Get paper and pen and try to pinpoint — with words how you felt: hurt, angry, frustrated, less than, etc., and/or how with another you reacted badly or in an ineffective way. We can only ever work on our part of any issue. Below, we will name the feelings and/or reactions that may be keeping us from feeling happy and peaceful, and from allowing for harmonious relationships. Later, we can connect the dots to the reason behind our feelings and reactions. Eg 1: Ways I May Feel Hurt or Frustrated: He/she forgot. He/she disappointed me – again. I feel hurt when others don’t keep their promises to me. I feel hurt when others don’t show appreciation for my efforts. I feel frustrated others don't meet my expectations. I get frustrated when he/she/they don’t listen to me. I feel hurt when he/she ignores my wants, desires, opinions. I feel hurt when he/she/they don’t say or show that they value, appreciate, or respect me. I feel less than when he/she yells at me, is impatient with me, or treats me badly. Fill in your own. Use the person’s name, and give a specific circumstance. Eg. 2: When I May React Badly or Ineffectively You can use any of the examples from above; here are a few others that focus more on not getting enough or proper help from another that may cause us to react badly or aggressively. He/she doesn’t listen to me. I don’t get enough help. I have to do everything. I don’t feel appreciated for all I do. There is never enough time for all there is to do. When I ask for help, they won’t help, or they don’t do it right. Fill in your own. Use the person’s name, and give a specific circumstance. Copyright © Rosemary McCarthy, Sept 25, 2020, [...]

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to Our Feelings, Emotions and Reactionswvlju2021-06-10T19:10:53+00:00

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/3

wvlju2022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Relationships are the vehicle that best allows us to work out our issues. Our pains and fears. Our neediness. Our aggression. Our protective devices. It is where we most play out our reactionary or passive styles. This is especially true in our familial and couple relationships This article is based on ch. 5 "Relationships" in Your Journey to Peace ... Our Couple Relationships What most of us look for in our intimate relationships is companionship, and for the other to love, help, and support us in life. In our younger days, we may look for the right person to build a family with. We may also look for a partner to offer us security. And from a human perspective, this is all fine. However, from a higher, spiritual perspective, the purpose of all our relationships is for soul growth: to connect more fully to our True Self - so that we can live life coming from a place of LOVE. In fact, all our interactions with others offer us opportunities to come from that place of love: to offer the qualities of love to others. (See my post The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear. The link is also at the end. Because of the intimacy required, our relationships are the best vehicle to work through our unprocessed hurts and pains from our past. In our day-to-day life, any Unconscious Influences we may hold, like neediness, defensiveness, or aggressive, controlling, or passive tendencies. naturally arise. It is unprocessed hurts and pains from our past that caused us to create these Unconscious Influences to protect our hearts and psyches. These, along with our individual personalities, differing ways of approaching life, and the various defensive and protective mechanisms we created to protect our hearts and psyches are what creates hurt feelings in us and conflicts with others. Our couple relationships also often hold expectations that cannot be met. And our communication skills are often weak. With presumed, unvoiced, or misunderstood expectations and poor communication we may get hurt feelings or react badly in frustration, and our unconscious, habitual responses rear their ugly head, and instead of coming from a place of love and understanding, we unknowingly invite conflict into our relationships. Our relationships are actually set up to trigger our Unconscious Influences - by others pushing our buttons. This is why our relationships are often so difficult! Unconscious Influence create havoc in our relationships. They cause us to navigate life from a place of fear, protectionism, defensiveness, and suspiciousness. We are overly sensitive and prone to blame to other for how we feel and for not understanding us. The emotional instability and feelings of disempowerment created from past unhealed wounds or conflicting messages we received about love, create ineffective, habitual patterns of negative reactions and behaviors that cause hurt feelings for us and conflicts with others. Our unaddressed wounds get triggered in our communications with others as we erroneously bring echoes of past hurts or fears into present issues or situations with others. However, our sensitivities are [...]

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/3wvlju2022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Loving – Instead of Missing What Was

wvlju2021-05-19T18:09:37+00:00

Spring brings with it the promise of brighter, freer, and easy breezy days. However, this year that promise does not hold all it usually does. And even though we can see a light at the end of the tunnel, our patience may be waning, our nerves frayed a little, and our tempers raw. The continued restrictions, lack of freedom to do as we want, and reduced contact with our loved ones – are so counterintuitive to our sense of well-being. And although we know we will shortly have more freedoms than recently, we also know that the free-as-a-bird easy-breezy feeling we all long for is still a way off, and is very tentative. (This is a repost from last April, tweaked a bit to reflect this year's reality? ). So, as we move through the Spring and possibly still feel the heaviness of the restrictions and long for light-and-breezy gatherings with loved ones, remembering what we have loved – and dream about what will come, helps keep love alive in our heart and a sense of lightness in our being. Even while missing the touch of our loved ones or longing for outings and regular get-togethers with friends and family, there are ways to help waylay the sadness, keep our spirits up, and our connection to them alive in us Life is ever-changing. With its ebbs and flows, things and people come into our lives and go out of our life. Circumstances change. It is human nature to miss what was – especially what we loved and were comfortable with. However, it is more helpful to us that we love what was, rather than miss what was. Remembering what was with love creates loving feelings within us. Loving feelings dispel sadness, longing, and loneliness. They create expansion in our being. When we live from an expanded place, we are connected to Universal love. Connected to Universal love, we more easily find contentment and happiness with whatever we are doing. Appreciation for what is. Our sense of belonging comes mainly from this connection; not so much from others or circumstances. Missing what was creates negative feelings within us. Our consciousness reads missing as lack. As despair – void of love, hope, and appreciation. This creates contraction in our being. When we live from a contracted place, we rely mainly on our human emotions for our contentment and happiness, where sadness, longing, and loneliness can easily thrive. Move to Loving What Was – from Missing What Was. Bring into your heart the feeling of what you miss created within Revel in the feeling. Hugging yourself – or a pillow help to create the feeling. Smile about it. Write about it. Bring to mind the details. The sights. The sounds. The smells. Dig out old pictures and lovingly gaze at them, embrace them, and hold them to your heart. Do, or bring to mind, whatever creates that positive and loving feeling you remember about what you miss. The more we connect to the feeling what [...]

Loving – Instead of Missing What Waswvlju2021-05-19T18:09:37+00:00

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Rosemary McCarthy.

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