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Why We Are the Way We Are

Show Your Vulnerability (True Feelings) Instead of Anger, Newsletter #54, Sept 2022

2023-01-12T00:59:01+00:00

This post is from my September 2022 Newsletter message.  Sign up or Read  my past messages. When we become frustrated, get hurt feelings, or another disappoints us, our default is often to react with anger or to lash out at the other in some way. And although we may feel some satisfaction at getting our frustrations out, reacting with anger, criticism, judgment, bullying – or any other aggressive way is counterproductive to giving us the ultimate results we are looking for. So is being passive-aggressive and burying our feelings. We all want to feel loved. And we all want to feel we matter to our loved ones. These are some of the many ways we feel the love and that our loved ones care about us. We all want to be understood, appreciated, listened to, and have our loved ones respect our wishes and do what they said they would do. When we feel frustrated or hurt and get angry at someone, one, some, or all of the above ways we might feel loved are not being met. However, rather than expressing how we truly feel in an attempt to get what we ultimately want, we lash out at the other. And often, we are not even in touch with our true feelings and have lost a connection to what we ultimately want. We are caught in a habitual pattern of reacting – and projecting our frustrations outward towards the other. Getting in Touch with Your True Feelings – and what You Ultimately Want For those of us not used to showing our true feelings – of being vulnerable, it is scary to step onto that ledge. Most of us who are used to hiding our true feelings, or no longer have a connection to them, have had our feelings trampled upon in the past to such a degree that we clammed up. We may have been bullied, belittled, shushed, or our feelings ignored. Maybe we were made to feel our feelings were unimportant or didn’t matter, or were told they were silly and childish when we expressed them. Physical or emotional abuse also makes our hearts close because our past experience tells us we cannot trust others and life. This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, Relationship Intelligence ... – due out later this winter. See My Published and Upcoming Books Whatever happened in our past to turn our heart cold will cause us to keep our feelings to ourselves. Past hurts may also have caused us to unconsciously bury our feelings so that we cannot tap into them enough to find the words to express them. We unconsciously created a barrier to our heart, and its feelings nature, to protect it from further pain. When protecting our hearts, our default is to project our pain outward towards the other with anger, criticism, blame, etc. – rather than reaching out from our hearts and showing our true feelings. We are afraid to be vulnerable by putting our hearts [...]

Show Your Vulnerability (True Feelings) Instead of Anger, Newsletter #54, Sept 20222023-01-12T00:59:01+00:00

Reader Reviews: Why We Are the Way We Are

2022-09-08T18:58:56+00:00

 Reader Reviews Why We Are the Way We Are (the 1st book in my 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series). (Below you will find links to spiritual teacher reviews and info on upcoming Books 2 and 3 of this series) So Much Wisdom in Each Chapter! I was attracted to this book from the moment I read the content list. What you find in each chapter is pure wisdom. I enjoyed the entire book and will read it over and over again. Very enlightening! ~ Mar, Amazon Review This Book May Help You Regain or Strengthen Your Connection to Spirit I have read many good books on Spirituality and this one stands right up there along with them. I agree with the author when she states that psychology has a lot to do with Spirituality: "What is held within the recesses of our unconscious mind may block the flowing connection to Spirit". This book is well written and flows easily. It is meant to be read slowly in order to ponder the concepts brought forth. This is a book I will read again and again. I highly recommend it to anyone brave enough to explore their unconscious mind.  ~ A. Seguin - Verified Amazon Purchaser Reader Reviews of Journey to Peace    Spiritual Teacher Reviews of My Book As well as my spiritual writing, I also offer a variety of Writing/Copywriting Services Buy My Books on Amazon: © Rosemary McCarthy, August 25, 2022. My Published Books (Cover Images Below) Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science Why We Are the Way We Are - Book 1 of my 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series My Upcoming Books: (Cover Images Below) Overcome Your Unconscious Influences , such as Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness - Book 2 of my 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series - due out Fall 2022.  Relationship Intelligence, Choose Your Ideal Partner, Improve Your Couple Relationship, Heal Your Family Relationships - Book 3 of my 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series  - due out Winter 2022-23 My Published Books My Upcoming Books: Overcome Your Unconscious Influences ... Fall 2022, Relationship Intelligence ... Winter 2022-23

Reader Reviews: Why We Are the Way We Are2022-09-08T18:58:56+00:00

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/3

2022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Relationships are the vehicle that best allows us to work out our issues. Our pains and fears. Our neediness. Our aggression. Our protective devices. It is where we most play out our reactionary or passive styles. This is especially true in our familial and couple relationships This article is based on ch. 5 "Relationships" in Your Journey to Peace ... Our Couple Relationships What most of us look for in our intimate relationships is companionship, and for the other to love, help, and support us in life.  In our younger days, we may look for the right person to build a family with.  We may also look for a partner to offer us security. And from a human perspective, this is all fine. However, from a higher, spiritual perspective, the purpose of all our relationships is for soul growth: to connect more fully to our True Self - so that we can live life coming from a place of LOVE. In fact, all our interactions with others offer us opportunities to come from that place of love: to offer the qualities of love to others.  (See my post The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear. The link is also at the end. Because of the intimacy required, our relationships are the best vehicle to work through our unprocessed hurts and pains from our past. In our day-to-day life, any  Unconscious Influences we may hold, like neediness, defensiveness, or aggressive, controlling, or passive tendencies. naturally arise. It is unprocessed hurts and pains from our past that caused us to create these Unconscious Influences to protect our hearts and psyches. These, along with our individual personalities, differing ways of approaching life, and the various defensive and protective mechanisms we created to protect our hearts and psyches are what creates hurt feelings in us and conflicts with others. Our couple relationships also often hold expectations that cannot be met. And our communication skills are often weak. With presumed, unvoiced, or misunderstood expectations and poor communication we may get hurt feelings or react badly in frustration, and our unconscious, habitual responses rear their ugly head, and instead of coming from a place of love and understanding, we unknowingly invite conflict into our relationships. Our relationships are actually set up to trigger our Unconscious Influences - by others pushing our buttons. This is why our relationships are often so difficult! Unconscious Influence create havoc in our relationships. They cause us to navigate life from a place of fear, protectionism, defensiveness, and suspiciousness. We are overly sensitive and prone to blame to other for how we feel and for not understanding us. The emotional instability and feelings of disempowerment created from past unhealed wounds or conflicting messages we received about love, create ineffective, habitual patterns of negative reactions and behaviors that cause hurt feelings for us and conflicts with others. Our unaddressed wounds get triggered in our communications with others as we erroneously bring echoes of past hurts or fears into present issues or situations with others. However, our sensitivities are [...]

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/32022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

What Would Love Do?

2022-08-01T02:25:50+00:00

What Would Love Do? is a concept I came across when studying A Course in Miracles. We can ask What Would Love Do? regarding ourselves, others, and situations. Our responses to what happens to us, to situations with others, or to issues that crop up are what dictate how we will feel once whatever is happening is past. 💚 If we come from a place of love – and express love’s qualities (understanding, compassion, etc., there is a link below to my post on Love's Qualities) we will feel better. Calmer. And we will be able to deal with anything that needs our attention with more clarity. We will get on our day feeling light. 💚 If we allow our mind to focus on the negativity of it all:  he/she did – didn’t do xyz, it’s not fair, or this should not have happened and anger or frustration take over, or we resort to judgment, blame, or revenge - or any type of aggression we will carry the dense energy of this with us throughout the day. We are only ever coming from a place of Love, or a place of Fear. Read my related post, the Qualities of Love / the Qualities of  Fear.  If we want to better ourselves - or to feel better, we must approach life differently than we were. In my past and before I started doing personal development work (I didn't even know that term). I just wanted to find peace in my life. A feeling had started to grow in me that there was something wrong with the picture of my life -  of how I was navigating life. That it was not others - but me - who were causing my unhappiness and frustrations.  Not me-me - but that somehow I was missing the mark. And so, my journey to peace (the name and themes of my books) began. Slowly, I began to realize that my frustrations and what I was feeling were not about the others - what they were or weren't doing. It was all coming from within me. I learned that my perceptions of others and situations were incorrect - and that I brought past hurts, feelings, biases, and beliefs into present situations.   From these echoes of the past and their beliefs and biases, I created protection mechanisms, and default ways of responding to life followed. I call these Our Unconscious Influences (see below for info on my upcoming book 2, Overcome Your Unconscious Influences ... in my "Our Journeys to Peace' Series). Based on what I experienced or witnessed when growing up, I started to understand that I projected my fears of what was or what might happen onto the present.  I allowed actions and innocent remarks to echo in my mind as proof that I would be criticized, wronged, stepped-on, and/or disempowered - just like my mother and many women of the 50's generation were. All my Articles / Blog Posts are based on my books. About My [...]

What Would Love Do?2022-08-01T02:25:50+00:00

The Indigenous ‘Secret of Enough’ – Part 1/2

2022-08-01T02:44:00+00:00

Even though there is still much need and poverty in the world, there is enough for all of us – to survive, to live with dignity, and even to thrive. We just have to use what our Planet has bequeathed to us wisely. Our ancient societies lived balanced lives. Our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives were in balance. And we understood the Concept of Enough.  Most native people worldwide, and other groups like the Mennonites, live off the land, free of most unnecessary material possessions. Links to 2 other associated blog posts are at the end I also offer a variety of Writing Services. The Indigenous peoples believe the earth will provide them with the basic necessities, and they take only what they really need to survive. Most still adhere to the concept of enough.  They love and revere the Planet and understand our deep connection to it. They appreciate that it nourishes us with water, air, and food: it supports us, and they understand that maintaining the purity of these is crucial. The Indigenous people around the world recognize the Planet as a gift from our Creator and that every molecule on it lives and breathes. Embedded in their histories is the belief that we are all its stewards. Throughout the world, most native peoples understand and maintain a reciprocal connection with Gaia. This connection is their spirituality. What is enough? Enough is different for everyone. Most of us in the Western world do want some luxuries and modern commodities and some of these can be supported by Mother Nature (if we are wise about it), but many of us have gone overboard. In The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight Thom Hartmann reminds us that our current society lives under the myth that “if some stuff will make you happy, then twice as much stuff will make you twice as happy, and ten times as much will make you ten times as happy, and so on, into infinity.” (1) This - and all my articles/blog posts are based on concepts in my book:  Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science.  And although greed has been around for eons, it has only recently extended to such abusive actions towards our Planet as to threaten her (and thereby our) very survival. Where did this current greed come from? In his essay, “The World of Wonder” in Spiritual Ecology, Thomas Berry explains that in North America this attitude of acquiring grew as a result of our lack of embracing or understanding the concept of “Earth-based spirituality” when we first came here from Europe. Barry reminds us that not only did the Indigenous people understand the relationship between heaven, earth, and its people, evidenced by their rituals and ceremonies to evoke the powers of the Universe/Mother Nature, most ancient cultures did as well. He also tells us that the pillars in India, China, Greece, Egypt, and Rome “were established to delineate a sacred center which provided a point of [...]

The Indigenous ‘Secret of Enough’ – Part 1/22022-08-01T02:44:00+00:00

Understanding the Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives

2022-05-27T21:24:53+00:00

Our Unconscious Influences are our attitudes, biases, habitual thought and reactive patterns, and the inner beliefs that we unknowingly erected from past experiences, what we witnessed, and/or appropriated from others that are now part of our emotional makeup. Our Unconscious Influences can have a positive effect on our lives and perceptions, or a negative one, And they act upon us without our consent. If our Unconscious Influences are negative, they may cause us to misperceive things, others, or situations and trigger us to think and act in automatic, habitual, aggressive, or protective ways. When our Unconscious Influences hold false perceptions, we develop needs to try to uphold them and strategies to defend them.  We project these onto others or different situations in many ways. See below for the link to my companion post "Worksheet: Connecting the Dots ..." A Few Examples of how Our Unconscious Influences May Play Out If our early life was characterized by an impoverished background and powerlessness, we may... 🔹Have constructed attitudes and belief systems to avoid being poor so that we do not feel disempowered in our in life. These may manifest as a strong need to be successful in life - no matter what ... and 🔹Push everyone in our lives aside. 🔹We may align only with successful people or those we deem can help us get ahead. 🔹We may marry for money. Although many of us may have dreamt of marrying for money—after all having an easy lifestyle is very appealing, most of us don’t fall into that trap. 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 If a sense of victimization typified our early life experience as a result of having maybe, an abusive parent, we may ... 🔹Have become controlling or overly aggressive to avoid being hurt or becoming a victim in life. 🔹When overly aggressive, we cause conflict in our relationships. 🔹If our innate character is quiet we may have internalized these earlier hurtful emotions and become passive-aggressive as a protective strategy. Further internalizing new hurts and pains, we become more disempowered in life. 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 This post is based in concepts in my books, Your Journey to Peace  ..., and Why We Are the Way We Are  About my Books I also offer a variety of Writing Services 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 Here's a Personal Example My mother was a 1950s housewife who was unhappy, distant, and morose. She alienated herself from life and didn’t find joy in anything. Because my father was an aggressive, loud bully, she fell into a poor-me, passive, victim mentality. (She actually had many medical issues, including an unrelated thyroid all her life that affected her, but I didn't know that when growing up. I was hurt by her being emotionally distant, and I hated her morose, poor-me attitudes. So, when I married at nineteen and had my first child just as I turned twenty-three, I decided there was NO WAY I was going to be a meek housewife; I associated this with being weak and a victim of one’s circumstances. While that was a [...]

Understanding the Unconscious Influences that Run Our Lives2022-05-27T21:24:53+00:00

💜“I Choose Me” A Mantra to Help Us Overcome …. March 2022 Newsletter

2022-04-25T18:59:30+00:00

I Choose Me is the theme of my  March 2022 Newsletter Message.  Sign up to Receive or to Read Past Messages 💜💜💜💜💜 To be happy, balanced, in control of our emotions, and feel empowered in life it is vital that we consciously choose what will support us maintaining – or bringing about – our sense of peace, happiness, contentment, balance, and empowerment. Some of us almost always innately choose what will support our peace and happiness:  We are adept at choosing ourselves. Others of us fall into disempowering attitudes and behaviors amidst change, disappointment, or when life gets difficult, and we no longer choose what will support us being our best self. We allow outside forces to dictate our life. There are many ways we can Choose Me. And there is more than one level of Choosing Me.  The is a Surface Level of “Choosing Me;” There is also a More Subtle Level of “Choosing Me” The Surface Level of “Choosing Me”  Most of us have now learned that to be happy and contented we must … 🔹Do what WE want in life – not what others or society decides is right for us. 🔹Say NO – when what others or society expects from us stresses or depletes us 🔹Align ourselves with positive and supportive people and uplifting activities so that we maintain or attain a positive mind frame 🔹Remove ourselves – from others who are negative or embrace drama that mess with our energy/vibration – and from situations out of our control that bring us down. *** ***(We can still act to help others, but to stay positive and light-hearted we must do so without blame, judgment, or drama). 💜💜💜💜💜 This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, Overcome Your Unconscious Influences, such as Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness (Book 2 of my ‘Our Journeys to Peace’ Series) – due out Summer 2022.  About My Books And as well as my spiritual/personal development writing, I also offer a variety of   Writing Services 💜💜💜💜💜 The More Subtle Level of “Choosing Me” We all have days when a quick-fix-pick-me-up is just what the doctor ordered. Small indulgences like: 🔹Spoiling ourselves with that special desert 🔹Cozying up all day on the couch with a book 🔹Splurging on an extravagant meal 🔹Going on a shopping spree 🔹 Binging a tv show  🔹Having an all-night gaming session 🔹Soaking leisurely in the bathtub Spoiling ourselves just a little is often all we need to improve our mood when we have had a bad day or a disappointment. It is empowering. Of course, turning to meditation, prayer – or any spiritual practice, talking to a loved one, or spending extra time in nature is the healthiest way to deal with unexpected disappointing events. Still, spoiling ourselves – just a little is usually harmless and can be a simple pick-me-up. Spoiling our self – giving our self a little love – when something unwanted has happened makes us feel good. Plus, it allows our unconscious to work in its subtle ways to heal the negative energy attached to whatever has happened. And as long as this is a one-day (or [...]

💜“I Choose Me” A Mantra to Help Us Overcome …. March 2022 Newsletter2022-04-25T18:59:30+00:00

Individuals – and the World Need Our Gentle Touch – Part 1/3

2022-06-24T19:49:43+00:00

We are now living in a time of huge social change that is affecting all of us – and in various ways. And we are all feeling the fatigue and stress of the past few years. No matter our thoughts and beliefs about it all, our best option is always to be loving, hopeful, compassionate – and forgiving towards others – and the world ... because ... We – and the World Need a Gentle Touch! None of us have liked the restrictions of the past few years that have been put upon us. Some of us have made peace with them. Others of us feel they are a huge imposition on our human rights and freedoms – and they are. However, they are attempts to keep people safe. And most of us are doing a magnificent job staying positive, compassionate, and loving – at least most of the time 🌞 There are good arguments for both sides. Either way, time has heightened the frustrations and stress levels for all of us. Many are baffled or angered with the divisiveness this has brought to the forefront – especially with the protests now going on (in Canada). Many are concerned on the disruptions. Others feel the protests are necessary so that individual freedoms are respected. Most of Us Are Managing Our Emotions – Most of the Time. Most of us are doing a magnificent job staying positive and being kind and compassionate towards others. However,  as frustration and fatigue has grown, some of us may have become more reactive, or even grumpy and argumentative. And some people may even have become distant as being reclusive feels more comfortable to them. NO matter the circumstances of the day, our beliefs, and how well or badly we have acted or reacted these past few years – we are all only ever just doing our best to deal with how life has, or is now, playing out. As well as my spiritual / personal development writing, I also offer writing services.  See my Writing Services Page It helps us, others, and Humanity to extend kind gestures – general goodness, which may often just be a nod or smile towards all who cross our path – even those we disagree with. I see this happening much of the time, but it is easy to fall into the "poor me" head down rut these days and forget to extend to others– especially when we are tired of it all and feeling frustrated by what is now going on. The thing is, when we feel a little down we often forget that when we extend any of the expressions of love, we feel better. It raises our mood. It's a win-win. This is a post from a few years ago that I re-post from time to time – with a little tweaking to address the current energy and situation. It's a reminder that no matter what is happening around us, it's a time to be ... 💜especially kind,  gentle, loving, and compassionate towards everyone we [...]

Individuals – and the World Need Our Gentle Touch – Part 1/32022-06-24T19:49:43+00:00

Understanding Our Emotional Links With Others

2020-11-11T13:47:09+00:00

There is an invisible link between everyone we have an emotional connection with. This is such a wonderful thing – especially these days, as more than ever we are drawing on established links with our friends and loved ones so that we can stay connected in this time of forced alienation. Our emotions have a drawing power. Our thoughts have a drawing power. They both draw others to us emotionally. The closer we are to another emotionally, the stronger the link. The more we engage emotionally with someone, sharing our thoughts, feelings, and the ins and outs of our life, the more we anchor in that emotional connection. And as we continue to share with one another in the upcoming months, we will further strengthen our emotional links. We don’t necessarily have to engage with another to strengthen our connection to them. Going over past events or emotional experiences with them in our mind – be they good or bad, strengthens our emotional link to the other. So does simply thinking about them. Depending on what we are thinking about and the health of the relationship, this may be good for us, or emotionally bad for us. They may feel it, or they may not. Below is a little practice "Cutting an Emotional Link with Another" to use if we are having trouble doing so on our own. This blog article is based on my books - published and upc0ming  Your Journey to Peace ... (2016) Why We Are the Way We Are (2018) Overcoming: Anger, Frustrations,  Hurt Feelings, ,Neediness, Blaming Others for Our Unhappiness (Dec 2020) Relationships in an Evolving World (March 2020) About My Books here    To stay Updated, Sign-up for my Newsletter  here The stronger the emotional link is between two people the more easily we can draw the other in and affect them emotionally. How this all plays out depends on our innate natures, our attitudes, and how we view and navigate life. Some people are emotional by nature: they live through their feelings, and easily express them. They can sometimes pick up on others feelings and emotions. Others are less emotional: they may feel, but do not express their emotions easily or regularly. They are less likely to pick up on others feelings or emotions. Some of us thrive on closeness: we need to share our feelings, emotions, and what is happening in our life with those close to us. Others of us keep things to our self: we have no need to share our inner world with others, nor do we feel the need to tell others what is going on in our life. Many people are positive and light-hearted: they feel positive, their outlook on life is light and positive, they aim to feel good - and they make those around them feel good. Others are stuck in negativity they are heavy-hearted: they have a negative and/or dark outlook on life and issues, may regularly focus on the dramas of life, and making [...]

Understanding Our Emotional Links With Others2020-11-11T13:47:09+00:00

The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear

2022-02-15T05:03:25+00:00

All thoughts, attitudes, and actions stem from either love or from fear. What we are feeling and how we are being has its basis either in love, or in fear. All unease and negative outward expressions are based on some sort of fear. From the highest perspective there is only love! Everything else stems from fear.  The underlying fears within us surface - one way or another - in the many negative or unproductive ways we deal with life. This concept is so hard to hear and even harder to believe. Our mind just cannot wrap itself around the idea that “I am angry because of a fear.” Of course, we think NO WAY! I am angry because he/she said/did this to me. However, if we peel back the layers of why we are angry, it boils down to some type of fear. (My Worksheet: Connecting the Dots can help us link what we are feeling or what is causing unwanted reactions - to a fear we may not be aware of.  A printout copy is available from my book). This blog article is based on concepts in my books:   About My Books   Why We Are the Way We Are; Your Journey to Peace ...   About My Books (You will also find information on this link for my 2 upcoming books: 1) Overcome Your Unconscious Influences, like Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness"  - due out early 2022."Relationship Intelligence ... " due out Spring 2022. To stay updated,  Sign-Up for my free monthly Newsletter 🔹🔹🔹 Our positive feelings and attitudes come from the love we feel within ourselves and from our being connected to our True Self and aligned with the love it embodies. Our negative thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and actions are based on fears amassed from the impressions and interpretations we have gathered from our life experiences now buried in our Emotional Bodies and played out through our Unconscious Influences. These fears need a voice and are usually released in dysfunctional ways as we project them out into the world. Below, Illustration 4 shows some of the aspects of love, and Illustration 5 shows some aspects of fear. Love All the joy and passion that we feel and the harmony that manifests in our lives, and all the other positive attitudes (many shown in illustration 3) stem from love. We are able to bring these about because we are connected to the spark that we emanated from. There is a memory of that spark within all of us, and it is easily accessible - as long as we have not erected roadblocks to squelch the connection. In positive, loving people, that connection can show up in either overt or covert ways, depending on their personalities. Even when the connection is stifled, as was in my case, it can still be accessed with external reminders. A baby’s smile, a spectacular sunset, the abandonment that arises in us from the exhilaration of an extreme sport, or the passion that [...]

The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear2022-02-15T05:03:25+00:00

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