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Why We Are the Way We Are

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/3

2024-05-04T02:35:02+00:00

Relationships are the vehicle that best allows us to work out our issues. Our pains and fears. Our neediness. Our aggression. Our protective devices. It is where we most play out our reactionary or passive styles. This is especially true in our familial and couple relationships This article is based on my upcoming book:  Relationship Intelligence: Choose Your Ideal Partner, Improve Your Relationship, Heal Your Family Relationships  which is an extension of Ch. 5 "Relationships" in my 1st book: Your Journey to Peace ... Our Couple Relationships What most of us look for in our intimate relationships is companionship, and for the other to love, help, and support us in life.  In our younger days, we may look for the right person to build a family with.  We may also look for a partner to offer us security. And from a human perspective, this is all fine. However, from a higher, spiritual perspective, the purpose of all our relationships is for soul growth: to connect more fully to our True Self - so that we can live life coming from a place of LOVE. In fact, all our interactions with others offer us opportunities to come from that place of love: to offer the qualities of love to others.  (See my post The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear. The link is also at the end. Because of the intimacy required, our relationships are the best vehicle to work through our unprocessed hurts and pains from our past. In our day-to-day life, any  Unconscious Influences we may hold, like neediness, defensiveness, or aggressive, controlling, or passive tendencies. naturally arise. It is unprocessed hurts and pains from our past that caused us to create these Unconscious Influences to protect our hearts and psyches. These, along with our individual personalities, differing ways of approaching life, and the various defensive and protective mechanisms we created to protect our hearts and psyches are what creates hurt feelings in us and conflicts with others. Our couple relationships also often hold expectations that cannot be met. And our communication skills are often weak. With presumed, unvoiced, or misunderstood expectations and poor communication we may get hurt feelings or react badly in frustration, and our unconscious, habitual responses rear their ugly head, and instead of coming from a place of love and understanding, we unknowingly invite conflict into our relationships. Our relationships are actually set up to trigger our Unconscious Influences - by others pushing our buttons. This is why our relationships are often so difficult! Unconscious Influence create havoc in our relationships. They cause us to navigate life from a place of fear, protectionism, defensiveness, and suspiciousness. We are overly sensitive and prone to blame to other for how we feel and for not understanding us. The emotional instability and feelings of disempowerment created from past unhealed wounds or conflicting messages we received about love, create ineffective, habitual patterns of negative reactions and behaviors that cause hurt feelings for us and conflicts with others. Our unaddressed wounds get triggered in our [...]

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/32024-05-04T02:35:02+00:00

Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions

2024-03-11T01:16:56+00:00

When we have no true connection to the honesty of our feelings and the depths of the emotions they hold, we feel and react from unconscious influences that have no bearing upon current situations – rather than respond to what is presenting itself now. When our feelings and reactions are based on unconsciou49ers jersey custom football jerseys micah parsons jersey custom made football jerseys 49ers jersey asu football jersey asu football jersey Ohio State Team Jersey detroit lions jersey custom made football jerseys detroit lions jersey 49ers jersey ohio state jersey Florida state seminars jerseys brock bowers jersey influences, they are ineffective at giving us satisfying results in the present; nor do they bring us ultimate peace and happiness. This post is from my upcoming book and Workshops: Overcome - Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, Impatience, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness (working title). About Book HERE It is also a companion post to Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions,” See HERE to access. Connecting the dots between what we are feeling and how we are reacting is scary stuff. It requires that we face our self. That we admit our vulnerabilities. Our fears. Our hurts. Our sensitivities. However, doing so helps us to understand why our dealings with others may leave us feeling hurt, frustrated, or disappointed, or that our automatic reactions do not produce the results we want. Further connecting the dots between our feelings and reactions – to their root causes helps us to overcome any hurt feelings or ineffective reactions or behaviors that do not give us satisfactory results. Overcoming Our Unconscious Influences - is what my upcoming book is about. About Book  here  When we are frustrated, get our feelings hurt, or we react in ineffective ways like becoming angry, are critical, or blame another for how we feel, it is usually because  ... we held expectations of them that were unmet we are disappointed in them, or in a situation they created, our neediness caused us to be extra sensitive, we allowed their bad reactions to affect our state of mind Whatever caused us to feel bad, they are all still our feelings. And we can do something about shifting them – and shift them we must!, Because it is in doing so that we begin to feel empowered and in control of our life. Understanding our feelings, and why we react in ineffective ways is empowering. Unmet Expectations: We often think others think like us, that their focus is where ours is, and that they place the same level of importance on the subject at hand that we do. People do not; nor can they read our mind. Many of our issues with others are the result of bad communication, ineffective communication, or a lack of communication. People don't usually want to make us feel bad or disappoint us; they simply don't realize they are doing so. They may feel and navigate life very differently we do. No matter our differences, [...]

Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions2024-03-11T01:16:56+00:00

The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear

2024-03-11T01:17:38+00:00

All thoughts, attitudes, and actions stem from either love or from feFlorida state seminars jerseys Florida state seminars jerseys brock bowers jersey OSU Jerseys OSU Jerseys OSU Jerseys custom football jerseys OSU Jerseys florida state football jersey johnny manziel jersey johnny manziel jersey 49ers jersey custom made football jerseys custom made football jerseys Florida state seminars jerseys ar. What we are feeling and how we are being has its basis either in love, or in fear. All unease and negative outward expressions are based on some sort of fear. From the highest perspective there is only love! Everything else stems from fear.  The underlying fears within us surface - one way or another - in the many negative or unproductive ways we deal with life. This concept is so hard to hear and even harder to believe. Our mind just cannot wrap itself around the idea that “I am angry because of a fear.” Of course, we think NO WAY! I am angry because he/she said/did this to me. However, if we peel back the layers of why we are angry, it boils down to some type of fear. (My Worksheet: Connecting the Dots can help us link what we are feeling or what is causing unwanted reactions - to a fear we may not be aware of.  A printout copy is available from my book). This blog article is based on concepts in my books:   About My Books   Why We Are the Way We Are; Your Journey to Peace ...   About My Books (You will also find information on this link for my 2 upcoming books: 1) Overcome Your Unconscious Influences, like Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness"  - due out early 2022."Relationship Intelligence ... " due out Spring 2022. To stay updated,  Sign-Up for my free monthly Newsletter ??? Our positive feelings and attitudes come from the love we feel within ourselves and from our being connected to our True Self and aligned with the love it embodies. Our negative thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and actions are based on fears amassed from the impressions and interpretations we have gathered from our life experiences now buried in our Emotional Bodies and played out through our Unconscious Influences. These fears need a voice and are usually released in dysfunctional ways as we project them out into the world. Below, Illustration 4 shows some of the aspects of love, and Illustration 5 shows some aspects of fear. Love All the joy and passion that we feel and the harmony that manifests in our lives, and all the other positive attitudes (many shown in illustration 3) stem from love. We are able to bring these about because we are connected to the spark that we emanated from. There is a memory of that spark within all of us, and it is easily accessible - as long as we have not erected roadblocks to squelch the connection. In positive, loving people, that connection can show up in either overt or covert ways, [...]

The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear2024-03-11T01:17:38+00:00

The Indigenous ‘Secret of Enough’ – Part 1/2

2024-03-11T01:17:50+00:00

Even though there is still much need and poverty in the world, thereFlorida state seminars jerseys Florida state seminars jerseys brock bowers jersey OSU Jerseys OSU Jerseys OSU Jerseys custom football jerseys OSU Jerseys florida state football jersey johnny manziel jersey johnny manziel jersey 49ers jersey custom made football jerseys custom made football jerseys Florida state seminars jerseys is enough for all of us – to survive, to live with dignity, and even to thrive. We just have to use what our Planet has bequeathed to us wisely. Our ancient societies lived balanced lives. Our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives were in balance. And we understood the Concept of Enough.  Most native people worldwide, and other groups like the Mennonites, live off the land, free of most unnecessary material possessions. Links to 2 other associated blog posts are at the end I also offer a variety of Writing Services. The Indigenous peoples believe the earth will provide them with the basic necessities, and they take only what they really need to survive. Most still adhere to the concept of enough.  They love and revere the Planet and understand our deep connection to it. They appreciate that it nourishes us with water, air, and food: it supports us, and they understand that maintaining the purity of these is crucial. The Indigenous people around the world recognize the Planet as a gift from our Creator and that every molecule on it lives and breathes. Embedded in their histories is the belief that we are all its stewards. Throughout the world, most native peoples understand and maintain a reciprocal connection with Gaia. This connection is their spirituality. What is enough? Enough is different for everyone. Most of us in the Western world do want some luxuries and modern commodities and some of these can be supported by Mother Nature (if we are wise about it), but many of us have gone overboard. In The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight Thom Hartmann reminds us that our current society lives under the myth that “if some stuff will make you happy, then twice as much stuff will make you twice as happy, and ten times as much will make you ten times as happy, and so on, into infinity.” (1) This - and all my articles/blog posts are based on concepts in my book:  Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science.  And although greed has been around for eons, it has only recently extended to such abusive actions towards our Planet as to threaten her (and thereby our) very survival. Where did this current greed come from? In his essay, “The World of Wonder” in Spiritual Ecology, Thomas Berry explains that in North America this attitude of acquiring grew as a result of our lack of embracing or understanding the concept of “Earth-based spirituality” when we first came here from Europe. Barry reminds us that not only did the Indigenous people understand the relationship between heaven, earth, and its people, evidenced [...]

The Indigenous ‘Secret of Enough’ – Part 1/22024-03-11T01:17:50+00:00

I Have Loved

2024-03-11T01:17:57+00:00

All Love We Feel Comes from Within Us. If We have Ever Loved – Anybody or Anything, We Can Recreate those Loving Feelings. Whatever love we have ever felt – whether for abrock bowers jersey College Football Jerseys micah parsons jersey Ohio State Team Jersey Florida state seminars jerseys custom football jerseys Florida state seminars jerseys OSU Jerseys asu jersey College Football Jerseys OSU Jerseys asu jersey Florida state seminars jerseys OSU Jerseys OSU Jerseys child, lover, family member, or a pet – or anything that evoked a sense of love within us like our home, a walk, our garden, art, music, the sunset, or the exhilaration of a sport – the feeling came from within us, even though it was activated by something outside of us. If we have ever felt a deep sense of contentment – this feeling also came from within us, even though it may have been activated by outside circumstances that caused us to feel satisfied. If We Have Ever Felt Love Activated by Externals, We Can Feel Love from Within Our Self Some people actually live life feeling love all the time. However, for most of us, it is triggered by someone, something, or from a fond memory. Still, knowing/remembering that we have loved – that we have the capacity to feel love is a great comfort. Lately, it has been for me. To keep emotionally above board throughout the pandemic I upped my meditations practices. And since I use mostly guided meditations (I’m simply too hyper to meditate quietly on my own; I need assistance to get me in a quiet state ?), I have discovered some new ones. One of these has been Louise Hay’s morning meditation, which focuses mainly on appreciation. About halfway through the 25 minutes, we are asked to spend a few minutes appreciating the people, things, and experiences we now have, or have had, in our life. Here is the link to Louise's meditation. (These blog posts are all based on my books. About My Books and purchase info is found here  (a list of my books is at the end) I am also a copywriter and offer writing services. About my Writing Services see here) Over time, my appreciation turned into remembering fondly; then it turned into really feeling the love for what I have, or have had – for people, things, and experiences in my life that brings or has brought me joy. At some point, I realized that I Have Really Loved – and have gotten pleasure from so much in my life. I LOVED having children – the fun of it all; I no longer remember any of the hard parts. I have loved my homes. I loved my dance classes, and I still love to dance. I love to paint. I have loved hopping on my bicycle at the end of the day and driving along the Lakeshore. Cooking for my family and hosting family/friend gatherings has always brought me great pleasure. I have [...]

I Have Loved2024-03-11T01:17:57+00:00

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021

2024-03-11T01:20:43+00:00

When we come from a place of It's Not Me – It's You, we project our fears and feelings onto the other. Ultimately, we are all responsible for the feelings that arise in us. Projecting our feeliOhio State Team Jersey micah parsons jersey 49ers jersey brock bowers jersey Florida state seminars jerseys Florida state seminars jerseys asu football jersey Ohio State Team Jersey asu football jersey Ohio State Team Jersey custom made football jerseys ohio state jersey OSU Jerseys Iowa State Football Uniforms Iowa State Football Uniforms ngs back at the other is an attempt to deflect owning our feelings. And rather than get angry, defensive, or blame the other – it is more productive to respond calmly.  When we come from a place of It's Not You – It's Me, we internalize how the other made us feel. We are also responsible for any feelings we internalize, bury, and hide from the other. And rather than allowing our emotions to stew and later erupt or morph into passive-aggressive attitudes or behaviors, it is more productive to speak up calmly – but confidently. Later, we can look to understand why we allow another to make us feel bad and how we allow them to treat us in the way they do. (Sign-Up  to receive my Free Monthly Newsletter where I cover a variety of subjects related to our personal development). ✍?As well as my Spiritual and Personal Development Writing, I am also a Copywriter/Digital Marketing and I offer Various Writing Services. My Writing Services Page ✍? Whether we project or internalize, we take personally what the other said, did, didn’t say, didn’t do, or how they reacted or didn’t react. Don’t take things personally is one of the four agreements from ...  My Recommended Book of the Month is The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. When People Disagree or One Feels Hurt, or Gets Disappointed or Disillusioned ?It's Both of Us: because when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from love. One is unaware that they are feeling bad because of their misalignment; the other is unaware that they are behaving in hurtful ways that stem from their misalignment. And ... ?It's Neither of Us: Our true reality is that we are love. However, we are disconnected from that love. So, when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from that love – unaware that they are simply feeling bad or acting out from that place of misalignment. With this understanding that It Is Both of Us – and – It Is Neither of Us – and knowing that each is unaware that they are feeling or reacting from this place of misalignment, it is easier to understand and forgive how the other is showing up. To shift from It's Not Me–It's You – or – It's Not You–It's Me” – to – “It’s Both – It’s Neither” we must … ? Come from a place of honesty and authenticity within ourselves ? Bring [...]

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 20212024-03-11T01:20:43+00:00

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to Our Feelings, Emotions and Reactions

2021-06-10T19:10:53+00:00

This is a companion post to “Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions,” See HERE to access. Always start with a small two-minute meditation/prayer/attunement. Invite in your Best Self, True Self, Higher Self, Spirit, Holy Spirit, Buddha, Jesus, or any other deity to join with you as you aim for self-understanding. This ensures we do so only for our highest good. When we feel hurt, or are angry or frustrated with another(s), it is our feelings of anger. So, we must address or deal with it. We either turn these inwards and allow the feelings to fester, or we project them outwards toward others, either way, both hurt us in the long run. You can use this worksheet for when you: 1) feel hurt or bad in any way in your dealings with another,    or 2) when you react to people in ways that create conflict, or do not get you the results you want. Acknowledging and putting words to our feelings and reactions helps get to the crux of the matter – so we can effectively deal with it. You can use the few examples I give below as guidance or inspiration for your own self-understanding. Get paper and pen and try to pinpoint — with words how you felt: hurt, angry, frustrated, less than, etc., and/or how with another you reacted badly or in an ineffective way. We can only ever work on our part of any issue.  Below,  we will name the feelings and/or reactions that may be keeping us from feeling happy and peaceful, and from allowing for harmonious relationships. Later, we can connect the dots to the reason behind our feelings and reactions. Eg 1: Ways I May Feel Hurt or Frustrated: He/she forgot. He/she disappointed me – again. I feel hurt when others don’t keep their promises to me. I feel hurt when others don’t show appreciation for my efforts. I feel frustrated others don't meet my expectations. I get frustrated when he/she/they don’t listen to me. I feel hurt when he/she ignores my wants, desires, opinions. I feel hurt when he/she/they don’t say or show that they value, appreciate, or respect me. I feel less than when he/she yells at me, is impatient with me, or treats me badly. Fill in your own. Use the person’s name, and give a specific circumstance. Eg. 2: When I May React Badly or Ineffectively You can use any of the examples from above; here are a few others that focus more on not getting enough or proper help from another that may cause us to react badly or aggressively.   He/she doesn’t listen to me. I don’t get enough help. I have to do everything. I don’t feel appreciated for all I do. There is never enough time for all there is to do. When I ask for help, they won’t help, or they don’t do it right. Fill in your own. Use the person’s name, and give a specific circumstance. Copyright © Rosemary McCarthy, Sept 25, 2020, [...]

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to Our Feelings, Emotions and Reactions2021-06-10T19:10:53+00:00

Loving – Instead of Missing What Was

2021-05-19T18:09:37+00:00

Spring brings with it the promise of brighter, freer, and easy breezy days. However, this year that promise does not hold all it usually does. And even though we can see a light at the end of the tunnel, our patience may be waning, our nerves frayed a little, and our tempers raw. The continued restrictions, lack of freedom to do as we want, and reduced contact with our loved ones – are so counterintuitive to our sense of well-being.  And although we know we will shortly have more freedoms than recently, we also know that the free-as-a-bird easy-breezy feeling we all long for is still a way off, and is very tentative.  (This is a repost from last April, tweaked a bit to reflect this year's reality? ). So, as we move through the Spring and possibly still feel the heaviness of the restrictions and long for light-and-breezy gatherings with loved ones, remembering what we have loved – and dream about what will come, helps keep love alive in our heart and a sense of lightness in our being. Even while missing the touch of our loved ones or longing for outings and regular get-togethers with friends and family, there are ways to help waylay the sadness, keep our spirits up, and our connection to them alive in us Life is ever-changing. With its ebbs and flows, things and people come into our lives and go out of our life. Circumstances change. It is human nature to miss what was – especially what we loved and were comfortable with. However, it is more helpful to us that we love what was, rather than miss what was. Remembering what was with love creates loving feelings within us. Loving feelings dispel sadness, longing, and loneliness. They create expansion in our being. When we live from an expanded place, we are connected to Universal love. Connected to Universal love, we more easily find contentment and happiness with whatever we are doing. Appreciation for what is. Our sense of belonging comes mainly from this connection; not so much from others or circumstances. Missing what was creates negative feelings within us. Our consciousness reads missing as lack. As despair – void of love, hope, and appreciation. This creates contraction in our being. When we live from a contracted place, we rely mainly on our human emotions for our contentment and happiness, where sadness, longing, and loneliness can easily thrive. Move to Loving What Was – from Missing What Was. Bring into your heart the feeling of what you miss created within Revel in the feeling. Hugging yourself – or a pillow help to create the feeling. Smile about it. Write about it. Bring to mind the details. The sights. The sounds. The smells. Dig out old pictures and lovingly gaze at them, embrace them, and hold them to your heart. Do, or bring to mind, whatever creates that positive and loving feeling you remember about what you miss. The more we connect to the feeling what [...]

Loving – Instead of Missing What Was2021-05-19T18:09:37+00:00

Show Your Vulnerability (True Feelings) Instead of Anger, Newsletter #54, Sept 2022

2023-01-12T00:59:01+00:00

This post is from my September 2022 Newsletter message.  Sign up or Read  my past messages. When we become frustrated, get hurt feelings, or another disappoints us, our default is often to react with anger or to lash out at the other in some way. And although we may feel some satisfaction at getting our frustrations out, reacting with anger, criticism, judgment, bullying – or any other aggressive way is counterproductive to giving us the ultimate results we are looking for. So is being passive-aggressive and burying our feelings. We all want to feel loved. And we all want to feel we matter to our loved ones. These are some of the many ways we feel the love and that our loved ones care about us. We all want to be understood, appreciated, listened to, and have our loved ones respect our wishes and do what they said they would do. When we feel frustrated or hurt and get angry at someone, one, some, or all of the above ways we might feel loved are not being met. However, rather than expressing how we truly feel in an attempt to get what we ultimately want, we lash out at the other. And often, we are not even in touch with our true feelings and have lost a connection to what we ultimately want. We are caught in a habitual pattern of reacting – and projecting our frustrations outward towards the other. Getting in Touch with Your True Feelings – and what You Ultimately Want For those of us not used to showing our true feelings – of being vulnerable, it is scary to step onto that ledge. Most of us who are used to hiding our true feelings, or no longer have a connection to them, have had our feelings trampled upon in the past to such a degree that we clammed up. We may have been bullied, belittled, shushed, or our feelings ignored. Maybe we were made to feel our feelings were unimportant or didn’t matter, or were told they were silly and childish when we expressed them. Physical or emotional abuse also makes our hearts close because our past experience tells us we cannot trust others and life. This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, Relationship Intelligence ... – due out later this winter. See My Published and Upcoming Books Whatever happened in our past to turn our heart cold will cause us to keep our feelings to ourselves. Past hurts may also have caused us to unconsciously bury our feelings so that we cannot tap into them enough to find the words to express them. We unconsciously created a barrier to our heart, and its feelings nature, to protect it from further pain. When protecting our hearts, our default is to project our pain outward towards the other with anger, criticism, blame, etc. – rather than reaching out from our hearts and showing our true feelings. We are afraid to be vulnerable by putting our hearts [...]

Show Your Vulnerability (True Feelings) Instead of Anger, Newsletter #54, Sept 20222023-01-12T00:59:01+00:00

The Cavern between “You and Others” Is in Direct Relationship to the Cavern between “You and You” – 1/3

2020-10-13T00:20:21+00:00

The hurts or conflicts that arise in our relationships are mostly due to Unconscious Influences that run our lives. I say mostly, because for some, conflicts with friends or in our intimate relationships are due to a mismatch, or the relationship has served its purpose and we are meant to take our cues and move on. For others, conflicts arise because one or the other is evolving more quickly, the relationship needs to shift and change to meet new circumstances, or one of the individuals is making life-altering changes that affect the relationship. When we do not heed the signals and make the necessary adjustments, compromises, do a bit of self-reflection, or seek help for a relationship that is in the throws of shifts and changes, the hurts and conflicts will continue and worsen, and both parties suffer unnecessarily. Sadly, sometimes a relationship even ends that could be saved and a family kept intact because of the inability of one or both or parties to face his or her part of its breakdown. Except for when a relationship has played out and is intended to end, we are meant to work through our hurts and conflicts with those in our lives. This is spiritual growth – and what this time in Humanity's evolution is asking of us. Because it is not by only making peace with ourselves, but with all (including people) that upsets us, or that makes us feel bad, frustrates us, or angers us, that allows  us to evolve. This article is based on my current and upcoming books, About Books HERE One of the higher purposes of relationships, whether it be with a life-partner, a sibling, a parent-child or child-parent bond, an extended family member, a friend, or even a long-term working partnership, is for the Unconscious Influences of both parties to surface – for healing. And except for the rare occasion where one party feels empowered in life and is the “light-holder” and stabilizer to the other as he or she works through a huge misalignment from their power base and feel and act from states of disempowerment, both in the relationship are usually misaligned to the same degree. These misalignments would not necessarily show up in the same way, but the degree of misalignment would be similar. Being/Feeling Empowered vs Disempowered Feeling empowered in life comes from being connected to our power base, which comes from a strong connection to our True Self – of “us-to-us.” (Our True Self is defined below, and I used the term as synonymous with Source energy, Spirit, higher Self, Creator, God, etc.). This connection gives us our confidence allowing us to reach for what we want in life, while doing so with integrity and creating harmony with others and around us. We are able to become our Best Self. (Book 2 of my new "Our Journeys to Peace' Series, Overcoming our Unconscious Influences– due out Fall 2020, helps us pave the way to becoming our Best Self. (About link [...]

The Cavern between “You and Others” Is in Direct Relationship to the Cavern between “You and You” – 1/32020-10-13T00:20:21+00:00

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