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Why We Are the Way We Are

The Indigenous ‘Secret of Enough’ – Part 1/2

2022-08-01T02:44:00+00:00

Even though there is still much need and poverty in the world, there is enough for all of us – to survive, to live with dignity, and even to thrive. We just have to use what our Planet has bequeathed to us wisely. Our ancient societies lived balanced lives. Our physical, emotional, and spiritual lives were in balance. And we understood the Concept of Enough.  Most native people worldwide, and other groups like the Mennonites, live off the land, free of most unnecessary material possessions. Links to 2 other associated blog posts are at the end I also offer a variety of Writing Services. The Indigenous peoples believe the earth will provide them with the basic necessities, and they take only what they really need to survive. Most still adhere to the concept of enough.  They love and revere the Planet and understand our deep connection to it. They appreciate that it nourishes us with water, air, and food: it supports us, and they understand that maintaining the purity of these is crucial. The Indigenous people around the world recognize the Planet as a gift from our Creator and that every molecule on it lives and breathes. Embedded in their histories is the belief that we are all its stewards. Throughout the world, most native peoples understand and maintain a reciprocal connection with Gaia. This connection is their spirituality. What is enough? Enough is different for everyone. Most of us in the Western world do want some luxuries and modern commodities and some of these can be supported by Mother Nature (if we are wise about it), but many of us have gone overboard. In The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight Thom Hartmann reminds us that our current society lives under the myth that “if some stuff will make you happy, then twice as much stuff will make you twice as happy, and ten times as much will make you ten times as happy, and so on, into infinity.” (1) This - and all my articles/blog posts are based on concepts in my book:  Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science.  And although greed has been around for eons, it has only recently extended to such abusive actions towards our Planet as to threaten her (and thereby our) very survival. Where did this current greed come from? In his essay, “The World of Wonder” in Spiritual Ecology, Thomas Berry explains that in North America this attitude of acquiring grew as a result of our lack of embracing or understanding the concept of “Earth-based spirituality” when we first came here from Europe. Barry reminds us that not only did the Indigenous people understand the relationship between heaven, earth, and its people, evidenced by their rituals and ceremonies to evoke the powers of the Universe/Mother Nature, most ancient cultures did as well. He also tells us that the pillars in India, China, Greece, Egypt, and Rome “were established to delineate a sacred center which provided a point of [...]

The Indigenous ‘Secret of Enough’ – Part 1/22022-08-01T02:44:00+00:00

I Have Loved

2021-09-16T20:06:01+00:00

All Love We Feel Comes from Within Us. If We have Ever Loved – Anybody or Anything, We Can Recreate those Loving Feelings. Whatever love we have ever felt – whether for a child, lover, family member, or a pet – or anything that evoked a sense of love within us like our home, a walk, our garden, art, music, the sunset, or the exhilaration of a sport – the feeling came from within us, even though it was activated by something outside of us. If we have ever felt a deep sense of contentment – this feeling also came from within us, even though it may have been activated by outside circumstances that caused us to feel satisfied. If We Have Ever Felt Love Activated by Externals, We Can Feel Love from Within Our Self Some people actually live life feeling love all the time. However, for most of us, it is triggered by someone, something, or from a fond memory. Still, knowing/remembering that we have loved – that we have the capacity to feel love is a great comfort. Lately, it has been for me. To keep emotionally above board throughout the pandemic I upped my meditations practices. And since I use mostly guided meditations (I’m simply too hyper to meditate quietly on my own; I need assistance to get me in a quiet state ?), I have discovered some new ones. One of these has been Louise Hay’s morning meditation, which focuses mainly on appreciation. About halfway through the 25 minutes, we are asked to spend a few minutes appreciating the people, things, and experiences we now have, or have had, in our life. Here is the link to Louise's meditation. (These blog posts are all based on my books. About My Books and purchase info is found here  (a list of my books is at the end) I am also a copywriter and offer writing services. About my Writing Services see here) Over time, my appreciation turned into remembering fondly; then it turned into really feeling the love for what I have, or have had – for people, things, and experiences in my life that brings or has brought me joy. At some point, I realized that I Have Really Loved – and have gotten pleasure from so much in my life. I LOVED having children – the fun of it all; I no longer remember any of the hard parts. I have loved my homes. I loved my dance classes, and I still love to dance. I love to paint. I have loved hopping on my bicycle at the end of the day and driving along the Lakeshore. Cooking for my family and hosting family/friend gatherings has always brought me great pleasure. I have loved all my gardens – creating them and enjoying them, and I now love my balcony and window boxes. I love waking up in the morning and looking out the window – whether rainy, cloudy, or sunny. Sitting in my solarium in [...]

I Have Loved2021-09-16T20:06:01+00:00

The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear

2022-02-15T05:03:25+00:00

All thoughts, attitudes, and actions stem from either love or from fear. What we are feeling and how we are being has its basis either in love, or in fear. All unease and negative outward expressions are based on some sort of fear. From the highest perspective there is only love! Everything else stems from fear.  The underlying fears within us surface - one way or another - in the many negative or unproductive ways we deal with life. This concept is so hard to hear and even harder to believe. Our mind just cannot wrap itself around the idea that “I am angry because of a fear.” Of course, we think NO WAY! I am angry because he/she said/did this to me. However, if we peel back the layers of why we are angry, it boils down to some type of fear. (My Worksheet: Connecting the Dots can help us link what we are feeling or what is causing unwanted reactions - to a fear we may not be aware of.  A printout copy is available from my book). This blog article is based on concepts in my books:   About My Books   Why We Are the Way We Are; Your Journey to Peace ...   About My Books (You will also find information on this link for my 2 upcoming books: 1) Overcome Your Unconscious Influences, like Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness"  - due out early 2022."Relationship Intelligence ... " due out Spring 2022. To stay updated,  Sign-Up for my free monthly Newsletter ??? Our positive feelings and attitudes come from the love we feel within ourselves and from our being connected to our True Self and aligned with the love it embodies. Our negative thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and actions are based on fears amassed from the impressions and interpretations we have gathered from our life experiences now buried in our Emotional Bodies and played out through our Unconscious Influences. These fears need a voice and are usually released in dysfunctional ways as we project them out into the world. Below, Illustration 4 shows some of the aspects of love, and Illustration 5 shows some aspects of fear. Love All the joy and passion that we feel and the harmony that manifests in our lives, and all the other positive attitudes (many shown in illustration 3) stem from love. We are able to bring these about because we are connected to the spark that we emanated from. There is a memory of that spark within all of us, and it is easily accessible - as long as we have not erected roadblocks to squelch the connection. In positive, loving people, that connection can show up in either overt or covert ways, depending on their personalities. Even when the connection is stifled, as was in my case, it can still be accessed with external reminders. A baby’s smile, a spectacular sunset, the abandonment that arises in us from the exhilaration of an extreme sport, or the passion that [...]

The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear2022-02-15T05:03:25+00:00

Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions

2021-04-16T20:13:26+00:00

When we have no true connection to the honesty of our feelings and the depths of the emotions they hold, we feel and react from unconscious influences that have no bearing upon current situations – rather than respond to what is presenting itself now. When our feelings and reactions are based on unconscious influences, they are ineffective at giving us satisfying results in the present; nor do they bring us ultimate peace and happiness. This post is from my upcoming book and Workshops: Overcome - Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, Impatience, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness (working title). About Book HERE It is also a companion post to Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions,” See HERE to access. Connecting the dots between what we are feeling and how we are reacting is scary stuff. It requires that we face our self. That we admit our vulnerabilities. Our fears. Our hurts. Our sensitivities. However, doing so helps us to understand why our dealings with others may leave us feeling hurt, frustrated, or disappointed, or that our automatic reactions do not produce the results we want. Further connecting the dots between our feelings and reactions – to their root causes helps us to overcome any hurt feelings or ineffective reactions or behaviors that do not give us satisfactory results. Overcoming Our Unconscious Influences - is what my upcoming book is about. About Book  here  When we are frustrated, get our feelings hurt, or we react in ineffective ways like becoming angry, are critical, or blame another for how we feel, it is usually because  ... we held expectations of them that were unmet we are disappointed in them, or in a situation they created, our neediness caused us to be extra sensitive, we allowed their bad reactions to affect our state of mind Whatever caused us to feel bad, they are all still our feelings. And we can do something about shifting them – and shift them we must!, Because it is in doing so that we begin to feel empowered and in control of our life. Understanding our feelings, and why we react in ineffective ways is empowering. Unmet Expectations: We often think others think like us, that their focus is where ours is, and that they place the same level of importance on the subject at hand that we do. People do not; nor can they read our mind. Many of our issues with others are the result of bad communication, ineffective communication, or a lack of communication. People don't usually want to make us feel bad or disappoint us; they simply don't realize they are doing so. They may feel and navigate life very differently we do. No matter our differences, we all want to feel good and have peace in our life. And this not only looks different to us all, but we all also go about seeking it in different ways. Being Disappointed: When promises are broken, or what we expect of another does [...]

Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions2021-04-16T20:13:26+00:00

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021

2021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

When we come from a place of It's Not Me – It's You, we project our fears and feelings onto the other. Ultimately, we are all responsible for the feelings that arise in us. Projecting our feelings back at the other is an attempt to deflect owning our feelings. And rather than get angry, defensive, or blame the other – it is more productive to respond calmly.  When we come from a place of It's Not You – It's Me, we internalize how the other made us feel. We are also responsible for any feelings we internalize, bury, and hide from the other. And rather than allowing our emotions to stew and later erupt or morph into passive-aggressive attitudes or behaviors, it is more productive to speak up calmly – but confidently. Later, we can look to understand why we allow another to make us feel bad and how we allow them to treat us in the way they do. (Sign-Up  to receive my Free Monthly Newsletter where I cover a variety of subjects related to our personal development). ✍?As well as my Spiritual and Personal Development Writing, I am also a Copywriter/Digital Marketing and I offer Various Writing Services. My Writing Services Page ✍? Whether we project or internalize, we take personally what the other said, did, didn’t say, didn’t do, or how they reacted or didn’t react. Don’t take things personally is one of the four agreements from ...  My Recommended Book of the Month is The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. When People Disagree or One Feels Hurt, or Gets Disappointed or Disillusioned ?It's Both of Us: because when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from love. One is unaware that they are feeling bad because of their misalignment; the other is unaware that they are behaving in hurtful ways that stem from their misalignment. And ... ?It's Neither of Us: Our true reality is that we are love. However, we are disconnected from that love. So, when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from that love – unaware that they are simply feeling bad or acting out from that place of misalignment. With this understanding that It Is Both of Us – and – It Is Neither of Us – and knowing that each is unaware that they are feeling or reacting from this place of misalignment, it is easier to understand and forgive how the other is showing up. To shift from It's Not Me–It's You – or – It's Not You–It's Me” – to – “It’s Both – It’s Neither” we must … ? Come from a place of honesty and authenticity within ourselves ? Bring the qualities of love – calmness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, and harmony to the other. And to get there, it helps to … ? Remember that we are all somewhat misaligned from our true reality – from the love we are at our core ? Recognize that you cannot always feel love and [...]

It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 20212021-12-07T13:19:25+00:00

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to Our Feelings, Emotions and Reactions

2021-06-10T19:10:53+00:00

This is a companion post to “Understanding Our Feelings, Emotions, and Reactions,” See HERE to access. Always start with a small two-minute meditation/prayer/attunement. Invite in your Best Self, True Self, Higher Self, Spirit, Holy Spirit, Buddha, Jesus, or any other deity to join with you as you aim for self-understanding. This ensures we do so only for our highest good. When we feel hurt, or are angry or frustrated with another(s), it is our feelings of anger. So, we must address or deal with it. We either turn these inwards and allow the feelings to fester, or we project them outwards toward others, either way, both hurt us in the long run. You can use this worksheet for when you: 1) feel hurt or bad in any way in your dealings with another,    or 2) when you react to people in ways that create conflict, or do not get you the results you want. Acknowledging and putting words to our feelings and reactions helps get to the crux of the matter – so we can effectively deal with it. You can use the few examples I give below as guidance or inspiration for your own self-understanding. Get paper and pen and try to pinpoint — with words how you felt: hurt, angry, frustrated, less than, etc., and/or how with another you reacted badly or in an ineffective way. We can only ever work on our part of any issue.  Below,  we will name the feelings and/or reactions that may be keeping us from feeling happy and peaceful, and from allowing for harmonious relationships. Later, we can connect the dots to the reason behind our feelings and reactions. Eg 1: Ways I May Feel Hurt or Frustrated: He/she forgot. He/she disappointed me – again. I feel hurt when others don’t keep their promises to me. I feel hurt when others don’t show appreciation for my efforts. I feel frustrated others don't meet my expectations. I get frustrated when he/she/they don’t listen to me. I feel hurt when he/she ignores my wants, desires, opinions. I feel hurt when he/she/they don’t say or show that they value, appreciate, or respect me. I feel less than when he/she yells at me, is impatient with me, or treats me badly. Fill in your own. Use the person’s name, and give a specific circumstance. Eg. 2: When I May React Badly or Ineffectively You can use any of the examples from above; here are a few others that focus more on not getting enough or proper help from another that may cause us to react badly or aggressively.   He/she doesn’t listen to me. I don’t get enough help. I have to do everything. I don’t feel appreciated for all I do. There is never enough time for all there is to do. When I ask for help, they won’t help, or they don’t do it right. Fill in your own. Use the person’s name, and give a specific circumstance. Copyright © Rosemary McCarthy, Sept 25, 2020, [...]

Worksheet: Connecting the Dots to Our Feelings, Emotions and Reactions2021-06-10T19:10:53+00:00

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/3

2022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Relationships are the vehicle that best allows us to work out our issues. Our pains and fears. Our neediness. Our aggression. Our protective devices. It is where we most play out our reactionary or passive styles. This is especially true in our familial and couple relationships This article is based on ch. 5 "Relationships" in Your Journey to Peace ... Our Couple Relationships What most of us look for in our intimate relationships is companionship, and for the other to love, help, and support us in life.  In our younger days, we may look for the right person to build a family with.  We may also look for a partner to offer us security. And from a human perspective, this is all fine. However, from a higher, spiritual perspective, the purpose of all our relationships is for soul growth: to connect more fully to our True Self - so that we can live life coming from a place of LOVE. In fact, all our interactions with others offer us opportunities to come from that place of love: to offer the qualities of love to others.  (See my post The Qualities of Love / the Qualities of Fear. The link is also at the end. Because of the intimacy required, our relationships are the best vehicle to work through our unprocessed hurts and pains from our past. In our day-to-day life, any  Unconscious Influences we may hold, like neediness, defensiveness, or aggressive, controlling, or passive tendencies. naturally arise. It is unprocessed hurts and pains from our past that caused us to create these Unconscious Influences to protect our hearts and psyches. These, along with our individual personalities, differing ways of approaching life, and the various defensive and protective mechanisms we created to protect our hearts and psyches are what creates hurt feelings in us and conflicts with others. Our couple relationships also often hold expectations that cannot be met. And our communication skills are often weak. With presumed, unvoiced, or misunderstood expectations and poor communication we may get hurt feelings or react badly in frustration, and our unconscious, habitual responses rear their ugly head, and instead of coming from a place of love and understanding, we unknowingly invite conflict into our relationships. Our relationships are actually set up to trigger our Unconscious Influences - by others pushing our buttons. This is why our relationships are often so difficult! Unconscious Influence create havoc in our relationships. They cause us to navigate life from a place of fear, protectionism, defensiveness, and suspiciousness. We are overly sensitive and prone to blame to other for how we feel and for not understanding us. The emotional instability and feelings of disempowerment created from past unhealed wounds or conflicting messages we received about love, create ineffective, habitual patterns of negative reactions and behaviors that cause hurt feelings for us and conflicts with others. Our unaddressed wounds get triggered in our communications with others as we erroneously bring echoes of past hurts or fears into present issues or situations with others. However, our sensitivities are [...]

Relationships: As We Evolve Our Relationships Improve – Part 1/32022-07-30T03:34:06+00:00

Loving – Instead of Missing What Was

2021-05-19T18:09:37+00:00

Spring brings with it the promise of brighter, freer, and easy breezy days. However, this year that promise does not hold all it usually does. And even though we can see a light at the end of the tunnel, our patience may be waning, our nerves frayed a little, and our tempers raw. The continued restrictions, lack of freedom to do as we want, and reduced contact with our loved ones – are so counterintuitive to our sense of well-being.  And although we know we will shortly have more freedoms than recently, we also know that the free-as-a-bird easy-breezy feeling we all long for is still a way off, and is very tentative.  (This is a repost from last April, tweaked a bit to reflect this year's reality? ). So, as we move through the Spring and possibly still feel the heaviness of the restrictions and long for light-and-breezy gatherings with loved ones, remembering what we have loved – and dream about what will come, helps keep love alive in our heart and a sense of lightness in our being. Even while missing the touch of our loved ones or longing for outings and regular get-togethers with friends and family, there are ways to help waylay the sadness, keep our spirits up, and our connection to them alive in us Life is ever-changing. With its ebbs and flows, things and people come into our lives and go out of our life. Circumstances change. It is human nature to miss what was – especially what we loved and were comfortable with. However, it is more helpful to us that we love what was, rather than miss what was. Remembering what was with love creates loving feelings within us. Loving feelings dispel sadness, longing, and loneliness. They create expansion in our being. When we live from an expanded place, we are connected to Universal love. Connected to Universal love, we more easily find contentment and happiness with whatever we are doing. Appreciation for what is. Our sense of belonging comes mainly from this connection; not so much from others or circumstances. Missing what was creates negative feelings within us. Our consciousness reads missing as lack. As despair – void of love, hope, and appreciation. This creates contraction in our being. When we live from a contracted place, we rely mainly on our human emotions for our contentment and happiness, where sadness, longing, and loneliness can easily thrive. Move to Loving What Was – from Missing What Was. Bring into your heart the feeling of what you miss created within Revel in the feeling. Hugging yourself – or a pillow help to create the feeling. Smile about it. Write about it. Bring to mind the details. The sights. The sounds. The smells. Dig out old pictures and lovingly gaze at them, embrace them, and hold them to your heart. Do, or bring to mind, whatever creates that positive and loving feeling you remember about what you miss. The more we connect to the feeling what [...]

Loving – Instead of Missing What Was2021-05-19T18:09:37+00:00

Reader Reviews: Why We Are the Way We Are

2023-03-20T22:26:10+00:00

 Reader Reviews Why We Are the Way We Are (the 1st book in my 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series). (Reviews Below + info on upcoming Books 2 and 3 of this series) ????? So Much Wisdom in Each Chapter! I was attracted to this book from the moment I read the content list. What you find in each chapter is pure wisdom. I enjoyed the entire book and will read it over and over again. Very enlightening! ~ Mar, Amazon Review This Book May Help You Regain or Strengthen Your Connection to Spirit I have read many good books on Spirituality and this one stands right up there along with them. I agree with the author when she states that psychology has a lot to do with Spirituality: "What is held within the recesses of our unconscious mind may block the flowing connection to Spirit". This book is well written and flows easily. It is meant to be read slowly in order to ponder the concepts brought forth. This is a book I will read again and again. I highly recommend it to anyone brave enough to explore their unconscious mind.  ~ A. Seguin - Verified Amazon Purchaser Reader Reviews of Journey to Peace    Spiritual Teacher Reviews of My Book As well as my spiritual writing, I also offer a variety of Writing/Copywriting Services Buy My Books on Amazon: © Rosemary McCarthy, August 25, 2022. My Published Books (Cover Images Below) Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science Why We Are the Way We Are - Book 1 of my 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series My Upcoming Books: (Cover Images Below)  Relationship Intelligence, Choose Your Ideal Partner, Improve Your Couple Relationship, Heal Your Family Relationships - Book 3 of my 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series  - due out Early 2023 Overcome Your Unconscious Influences , such as Anger, Frustration, Hurt Feelings, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness - Book 2 of my 'Our Journeys to Peace' Series - due out Summer 2023   My Published Books My Upcoming Books: Overcome Your Unconscious Influences ... Fall 2022, Relationship Intelligence ... Winter 2022-23

Reader Reviews: Why We Are the Way We Are2023-03-20T22:26:10+00:00

Differences in Our Relationships that Create Conflict – Actually Add Value 

2020-12-10T14:38:19+00:00

While most relationships may be based on love and a commitment to experience life together, it is quite natural to experience conflicts. We each hold distinct character traits and come from unique backgrounds and experiences. If we do not respect the differences these engender, or allow space for their expression, conflicts will ensue. Within our familiar and intimate relationships, every-day life offers us many, many opportunities for our differences to clash, and for one or both parties to feel hurt, misunderstood, or be angered by how our differences play out. Differences In Our Relationships that Create Conflict Actually Add Value We are inclined to try to have our partners think, act, and feel the way we do. However, making a partnership work involves accepting our differences and embracing the qualities that each bring to the table. Admittedly, this is easier said than done. Once the honeymoon phase is over and real life sets in, seeing the positive aspects of the other or the relationship often goes by the wayside. As with everything else in life, for our relationships to be harmonious we have to consciously focus on the positive. This is an excerpt from chapter 5 "Relationships" in my book, Your Journey to Peace ... About this - and my upcoming Books here  (Available in Print and E-book from  Amazon, Chapters, and Barnes and Noble. When we focus on the positive in the other, those aspects have a fertile place to grow. During hard times or rough patches, we can draw on each others strength. So, helping the other to grow their innate gifts, benefits us as well. Although throwing in the towel may seem like the best idea when the going gets tough, in fact, it’s only the easy way out. Our differences are meant to help us grow. (See below for information on my next post, where I further explain this). We are often attracted to and marry or choose partners with opposite personalities, but with many qualities we like and appreciate. However, what we like - our differences, is only part of his or her personality make-up. For example, the person who is organized and gets the bills paid on time may annoy us by being more focused on money, organization, or routine than we like. We might be drawn to a person who is more spontaneous and brings excitement to the family, although their inability to keep to schedules annoys us. Either way, bills have to be paid and budgets adhered to or chaos ensues. Spontaneity keeps things alive and fun. Both types of personalities are needed for life to go smoothly with practical issues looked after, while at the same time having fun within the relationship. We can choose to focus on the positive aspects of our partner and praise him or her for the valuable qualities he or she brings to the partnership, or we can berate our spouse for the aspects of his or her personality that annoy us. We can uplift the other. [...]

Differences in Our Relationships that Create Conflict – Actually Add Value 2020-12-10T14:38:19+00:00

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